I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Son: When geese fly in a 'V' formation, why is one side always longer?
Dad: Probably because there are more geese on that side.
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
I'm struggling to secure a ps5 for my son.
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"
My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...
It's written in the key of B flat.
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
What did the electrician do to his son when he found him playing with electrical wires?
My son asked me if the Fibonacci sequence was difficult to understand.
I said, “No, it’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.
Dad: I got a PS5 for my son.
It was the best trade I've ever made.
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.
Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.
My son asked: “Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”
I replied: “No son, but have you seen my dad glasses?”
I had to reprimand my son for cutting up his dumplings at the Chinese restaurant last night.
I can't condone such wonton acts of destruction.
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...
My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character.
My daughter Chewbacca not so much
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?
Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.
I've never been so proud
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.
He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.
My son wanted jellyfish for his sea turtle.
I told my son a joke and afterwards he asked me where i came up with it
My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”
I said, “That’s Heinz sight for you.”
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...
"It’s cutting hedge technology!"
My son recently came out as pi...
I don’t get it... I didn’t raise him to be so irrational.
My son was telling me that he has just failed his exam in Aboriginal music...
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, “Two guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. “What did they look like?” He replied...
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?
Because it'll be sadder day.
my transgender son wanted to start on T....
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!
Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!
My wife said the “E” was missing from my sons alphabet set.
I replied, “No way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!”
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
My son wanted to become a plumber
However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.
Son: Dad, can you see if my turn signals are working?
Dad: YES... no...YES...no...YES...no...
I used to love fishing with my son...
Oh well!! I guess I have to find something else to use as bait now.
When we came home from the hospital with our newborn son, my wife asked if the house was baby proof.
I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.