If my son ever came out to be trans then I wouldn’t have a son anymore

I would have a daughter

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captbeauner
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"

True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."

I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"

He responds, "it's dead grass."

I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"

.

.

.

He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...

so I had to ground him.

He's doing better currently.

And conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XIIXOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......

Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.

Well played, boy.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
My wife beamed at me and said, β€œI had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, β€œI know!"

"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.

That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.

πŸ‘︎ 883
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legalize-crack
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I’m not joking, but he is.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.

So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
My son came up with this gem just now during his birthday dinner:

What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepHurts
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I told my son that I have 19 jokes about ducks

18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OH-Beans
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."

"It's to look at. "

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I asked my son today β€œWhy do you always sing to your corn on the cob before eating it?”

His explanation was music to my ears.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
My 11 y.o. son getting ready for school: Why do you always keep your snowman happy?

So he doesn't have a meltdown.

πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Sons.....
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimbermall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
My son dropped and broke his violin

My son dropped and broke his violin

But I fixed it with some cellotape.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingfisher202103
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked, β€œCan I have a bookmark?”

I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"

It was the Green Arrow.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noobinoa
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
My son has developed an immense phobia of elevators.

We’re taking steps to alleviate his fears.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fordskis
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "

I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 791
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
I don’t have Great Expectations for my son.

I got him the other books by Dickens though.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
I told my son to go find out what "nada" means in english

But he came back with nothing

πŸ‘︎ 254
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BobbyTheDude
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
My grown son asked me how I never seemed to lose the tv remote when he was growing up.

I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter... A remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Njensen58
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
"What’s your name, son?"

The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."

"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.

The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

πŸ‘︎ 674
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aye_its_soya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
From my son. "What do you call Coffee for sad people?"

Despresso...

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/begoodorbedead
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Welp, his son is sad now
πŸ‘︎ 517
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyaad_Yoda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Just got a PS5 for my son.

Best trade ever.

πŸ‘︎ 669
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/majestic_walrus1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
My son told me he didn't understand cloning.

I told him β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxDorrianxX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I took my young son for a beer today for the first time.

I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.

By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Nacho son anymore
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mastermithi29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What did Michael Myers say after his son's first decapitation?

Wow, son. You're really get a head in life.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anarchyinyourhead
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jgfum
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
God said to Moses come forth my son

But the silly bastard tripped and came fifth

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
J.Cole’s son
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DUD3239
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"

"The opposite of right!"

πŸ‘︎ 480
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Today, I told my son about a book I was reading. It was on how to discharge electricity

He asked me for the name. I told him that the book was called

"Kil-a-watt"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinGames790
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?

(Gal)lons

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"A TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 259
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
My Son came up to me this morning and said "Don't be sad".

Cuz "sad" backwards is "das". And das no good.

So proud

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idiotninja
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Son: "Dad! I just saw two ducks at the park!"

Dad: β€œSorry, son... That’s not possible.”

Son: β€œI really did, I promise!”

Dad: β€œIt isn’t possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.”

Son: β€œWhy not?”

Dad: β€œBecause, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!”

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatoade
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
My son asked me what I knew about masturbation

Now he has a tip that should come in handy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
my son

I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 427
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wezmondtutu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelprstn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me "Why are bananas such popular fruits?". I replied

"Because they have a peel".

πŸ‘︎ 257
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing my windowsil sons < 3
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleSparrow24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My only son came out as trans.

I have no son.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report

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