I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, β€œIs it to scale?” I replied, β€œNo…”

β€œIt’s to look at.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad to his son; β€œDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”

Son; β€œGo on, then.”

Dad growls; β€œNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”

Son; β€œThat’s Superman.”

Dad; β€œThanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exmoor456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œDad, what are condoms used for?”

I said, β€œUsually to avoid answering questions like this one.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.

He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"

"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."

πŸ‘︎ 648
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 173
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
You never listen, son.
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poedan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.

which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 374
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: When geese fly in a 'V' formation, why is one side always longer?

Dad: Probably because there are more geese on that side.

πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"

"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My son might not be the best roofer in the world

But he is up there

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epona14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm struggling to secure a ps5 for my son.

He's inconsolable.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitek50
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 258
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I explained, "You see son, mountains aren't just funny…"

…they're hill areas."

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...

It's written in the key of B flat.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for

I told him it’s Naan of his business

Edit: he could have replied β€œpapa dumb”

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the electrician do to his son when he found him playing with electrical wires?

He grounded him.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Red_Mailbox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if the Fibonacci sequence was difficult to understand.

I said, β€œNo, it’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: I got a PS5 for my son.

It was the best trade I've ever made.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I always wanted my sister to have a son that I could pass on my wisdom to, but I'm so happy she had her little girl, Denise.

Because a kid named Denephew would probably get picked on a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked: β€œDad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

I replied: β€œNo son, but have you seen my dad glasses?”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wasntmyproudest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to reprimand my son for cutting up his dumplings at the Chinese restaurant last night.

I can't condone such wonton acts of destruction.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son flushed one of his shoes down the toilet, stopping it up...

It was a clog.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character.

My daughter Chewbacca not so much

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jezzter88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
From my son: what did one eye say to the other eye?

Don't look now, but there's something between us that smells.

I've never been so proud

πŸ‘︎ 185
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dcschnazz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son NOT to download any microbiology text books.

He just did and now we have like 40 viruses on our computer.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My son wanted jellyfish for his sea turtle.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bettaa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son a joke and afterwards he asked me where i came up with it

I told him I Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/De_Salvation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son told me, β€œDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

I said, β€œThat’s Heinz sight for you.”

πŸ‘︎ 454
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.

We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.

πŸ‘︎ 445
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued...

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son recently came out as pi...

I don’t get it... I didn’t raise him to be so irrational.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bob9132
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was telling me that he has just failed his exam in Aboriginal music...

I said, "Didja redo it?"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was working in our store when my son called me over and said, β€œTwo guys came in and tried to give me some fake fifty dollar bills.” I asked. β€œWhat did they look like?” He replied...

β€œFifty dollar bills.”

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Last Thursday my son was moping around and I told him, if you think Thursdays are sad, just wait two more days. He asked why?

Because it'll be sadder day.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
my transgender son wanted to start on T....

so I gave him tea.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
When my son refused to take a nap, the police got involved!

Understandable, since he was resisting a rest!

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said the β€œE” was missing from my sons alphabet set.

I replied, β€œNo way that is in the top 5 most voweluable letters!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My son wanted to become a plumber

However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Will7838
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad, can you see if my turn signals are working?

Dad: YES... no...YES...no...YES...no...

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curtcurtcurt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to love fishing with my son...

Oh well!! I guess I have to find something else to use as bait now.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
When we came home from the hospital with our newborn son, my wife asked if the house was baby proof.

I told her I thought the baby was the proof himself.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessieface13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.

I said " Chucky Cheese"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geek_fest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.