I would have a daughter
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
I’m not joking, but he is.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
What kind of beans do you find in a measuring cup?
Pint-o beans!
18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up
"It's to look at. "
His explanation was music to my ears.
So he doesn't have a meltdown.
My son dropped and broke his violin
But I fixed it with some cellotape.
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
It was the Green Arrow.
We’re taking steps to alleviate his fears.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."
I got him the other books by Dickens though.
But he came back with nothing
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter... A remote location.
The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir."
"Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked.
The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
Despresso...
Best trade ever.
I told him “That makes two of us.”
I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.
By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.
Wow, son. You're really get a head in life.
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
But the silly bastard tripped and came fifth
"The opposite of right!"
He asked me for the name. I told him that the book was called
"Kil-a-watt"
(Gal)lons
"A TOE TRUCK!!??"
Cuz "sad" backwards is "das". And das no good.
So proud
Dad: “Sorry, son... That’s not possible.”
Son: “I really did, I promise!”
Dad: “It isn’t possible for two ducks to be be in the same place at the same time.”
Son: “Why not?”
Dad: “Because, son. It would create a pair-o-ducks!”
Now he has a tip that should come in handy.
I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
"Because they have a peel".
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
