When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"
Dad: "To avoid such questions."
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No…”
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
Son: What does bargain mean?
Dad: Well, it means a great deal, actually…
My son kept chewing on all the electrical chords we had set up for the holidays, so I grounded him...
He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly...
Dad to his son; “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?”
Son; “Go on, then.”
Dad growls; “NOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!”
Son; “That’s Superman.”
Dad; “Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt
I told him that would just be a waist of money
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
Son: "Dad, did you see pictures of that guy at the Capitol stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium? That's domestic terrorism!"
Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
My son asked me how often planes crash
My son asked me "where does poo come from?" I was a little flustered, but did my best to explain about food, stomach, intestines, digestion, etc.
He looked confused, then stared at me in stunned silence. After a few seconds he asked "And Tigger?"
My son asked me if I knew any good chemistry jokes as he'd just had his first chemistry class. I thought about telling him one about alkalinity...
But then I thought; 'Nah, too basic...'
Son: Dad what rhymes with purple?
My son asked me what the difference was between horsepower and torque. I explained that horsepower is often more expensive the greater the amount...
...whereas torque is cheap.
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
My son keeps all his boogers in a journal. He's up to 143.
I told him "One more and it'll be truly gross"
My son (8) walked out of the bathroom this morning and exclaimed "whoof!...
... I haven't peed since last year!"
I couldn't be more proud
I used to love fishing with my son.
Oh well!! I guess I'll have to find something else to use as bait now.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
My son kept dropping scrabble tiles.
I got angry,
'Calm down Dad, it's just a game' he said
Well, I replied
'It's all fun and games until somebody loses an 'I' '
I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.
Daughter (complaining): :Daaaad, that's boring!" Son (overhearing end of conversation): "What's boring?"
Me (to son): digging holes in the ground.
mum: snigger
My two sons were throwing scrabble pieces at each other.
My wife said, "It's all fun until someone loses an "I".
Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?
My wife looked at me beaming with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son could go so far!”
I said, “I know. This trebuchet is amazing. Go get our daughter.”
I got my son a tire pump as a Christmas gift
Son: “What crime would I be charged with if I broke into the Capitol and planted a forest?”
Dad: “Well I’m no legal expert, but I suspect there’d be some trees in there.”
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
Son: Dad, will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?
Dad: I just can't see them taking off.
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine
Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time
When I found my little son on the floor, I briefly thought a murder took place
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"
"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."
I took a picture of my son sleeping earlier today.
Then I sent the picture to the FBI as evidence of a kid napping.
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
Son: Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
