I made a meme about unvaccinated children

It died in new

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"

"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 255
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Last month I launched a book aimed at children.

I’m pleased to say I hit one of them

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rfcoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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What do you call a ghost’s children?

Boobies. I am so sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatOneBassGuy17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...

but it's okay since I only took minor damage.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/David-EN-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What do bakers tell their children at night?

Breadtime stories.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QueefyMcQueefFace
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...

And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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What did the dad artichoke tell his children?

A heartfelt artijoke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?

Because parents become Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrinivas2098
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Every year hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school

Never to be heard from again.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwansonsJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?

The one for children has baby teeth

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eduardboon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children

They didn’t even say β€œThank you”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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My children are learning quickly...

Yesterday my daughter balanced a bottle of Poland Springs on her head and then exclaimed, β€œHelp Daddy! I can’t breathe underwater!!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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My children got their good looks from their mother.

I kept mine.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holysitkit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I’ve told you N times, I’ve told you N+1 times...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Last night I was arguing to my wife about who should keep our children in the divorce and I got angry and threw some trifle at her

She ended up getting custardy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B0bby_j3Ff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Why can't ghosts have children?

they have Hallow-weenies!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mastr9ball
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What is a pasta maker’s favorite children’s story?

Pi-gnocchi-o

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xkrazijayx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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What family members are most likely to spoil the s’more children?

Grahamma and Grahampa

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I saw a sign that said 'watch for children'

that was a really good trade

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayraj77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What do you call the children of the first penguins?

Gentwo penguins

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What did the mama strawberry say when she saw the mutilated corpses of her children?

β€œThat’s my jam”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terfsfugoff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What do children and department stores have in common?

They're both preparing for Christmas ... in September.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Women should not have children after 34

Really, 34 children are enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abx098
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children

It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought...

..."That sounds like a fair trade."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I feel bad for children of gay parents

They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of β€œask your mother”.

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting /r/Jokes/comments/iya4l4/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProCreeper_2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...

...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I’d never let my children watch the orchestra.

There is too much sax and violins in it

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicJ20
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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Where do you find the nicest children in the world?

Germany. They're kinder.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican firefighter name his 2 children?

Hose A and Hose B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTheTiny1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Struggle with your Children's Math homework ?

... Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Some children treat their parents like god.

They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I was taking my children on a tour of the largest territory in Canada, but they kept acting up so I turned around and went home.

My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doogasa34
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
German children are kinder
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pogo_hobo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Kansas airlines won’t let you use baggage claim for unruly children

Guess I’ll have to carry on my wayward son.

(Not mine, saw on Facebook)

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kilmarnock228
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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I can't see trans people having children.

They would be trans parent.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/defa90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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Where should children with ADHD be sent to for therapy?

Concentration camps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Why are children in Alabama like sandwiches?

Because they're inbred.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 797
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazzukaMy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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I asked my boss to donate to support Asian children with terminal illnesses.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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