I made a meme about unvaccinated children
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Last month I launched a book aimed at children.
Iβm pleased to say I hit one of them
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What do you call a ghostβs children?
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︎ Nov 23 2020
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...
but it's okay since I only took minor damage.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What do bakers tell their children at night?
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︎ Nov 07 2020
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
What did the dad artichoke tell his children?
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︎ Dec 11 2020
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Every year hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school
Never to be heard from again.
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?
The one for children has baby teeth
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︎ Nov 28 2020
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
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︎ Mar 26 2020
I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children
They didnβt even say βThank youβ
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My children are learning quickly...
Yesterday my daughter balanced a bottle of Poland Springs on her head and then exclaimed, βHelp Daddy! I canβt breathe underwater!!"
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︎ Nov 10 2020
My children got their good looks from their mother.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
How do mathematicians scold their children?
If Iβve told you N times, Iβve told you N+1 times...
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Last night I was arguing to my wife about who should keep our children in the divorce and I got angry and threw some trifle at her
She ended up getting custardy
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Why can't ghosts have children?
they have Hallow-weenies!
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︎ Oct 09 2020
What is a pasta makerβs favorite childrenβs story?
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︎ Oct 12 2020
What family members are most likely to spoil the sβmore children?
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︎ Nov 07 2020
I saw a sign that said 'watch for children'
that was a really good trade
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︎ Oct 20 2020
What do you call the children of the first penguins?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
What did the mama strawberry say when she saw the mutilated corpses of her children?
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︎ Oct 20 2020
What do children and department stores have in common?
They're both preparing for Christmas ... in September.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Women should not have children after 34
Really, 34 children are enough.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children
It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from
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︎ Sep 26 2020
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought...
..."That sounds like a fair trade."
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︎ Aug 17 2020
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer twice as many dad jokes or an endless cycle of βask your motherβ.
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︎ Jul 20 2020
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting
/r/Jokes/comments/iya4l4/β¦
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︎ Sep 23 2020
My friend was concerned his children weren't getting very far...
...which is why we built the larger trebuchet.
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︎ Sep 14 2020
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
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︎ Sep 02 2019
Iβd never let my children watch the orchestra.
There is too much sax and violins in it
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︎ May 11 2020
Where do you find the nicest children in the world?
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︎ Jun 29 2020
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they donβt have to be put down.
He hasnβt responded yet, but when he does Iβll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
What did the Mexican firefighter name his 2 children?
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Struggle with your Children's Math homework ?
... Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Some children treat their parents like god.
They acts like they donβt exist until they want something.
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︎ May 09 2020
I was taking my children on a tour of the largest territory in Canada, but they kept acting up so I turned around and went home.
My wife was mad about it, but I don't care! I was having Nunavut!
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︎ Jul 12 2020
German children are kinder
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︎ Jul 31 2019
Kansas airlines wonβt let you use baggage claim for unruly children
Guess Iβll have to carry on my wayward son.
(Not mine, saw on Facebook)
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︎ Jul 12 2020
I can't see trans people having children.
They would be trans parent.
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Where should children with ADHD be sent to for therapy?
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Why are children in Alabama like sandwiches?
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︎ Jun 12 2020
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
I asked my boss to donate to support Asian children with terminal illnesses.
He hasnβt responded yet, but when he does Iβll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
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