What do you call a person missing 75%, of their spine?

A quarterback.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Vettel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?

A cannibble

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
To the person that invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 324
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
πŸ‘︎ 351
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vignesh_shankar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you

You have my word

πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my antidepressants-

I hope you are happy now.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
Told my wife to message the lawn person

Because we are taking our fence down.

She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?

I said: is that really an emojency?

38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shor7Fuz3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person without a body or a nose?

Nobody noes.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rakesh_ramu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.

My wife said, β€œWhat are you going to do when you finally see it?”

Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

πŸ‘︎ 424
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Ireland has just introduced a maximum six person indoors rule. Where will that leave the seven dwarves..?

..one of them won't be Happy.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

That's one expensive net

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LupinDaThird777
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person having sex with an undercooked egg?

Soft core porn

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mutoniumortalis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
To the person in the wheelchair that stole my camo jacket.

You can hide, but you can't run.

πŸ‘︎ 239
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DinkyOreo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
What type of person speeds up vaccine development?

A Russia

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acschwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jewish person who is too young to be considered an adult

Jewvenile

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeDanny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
I like to think the person who invented the umbrella called it brella.

But he hesitated.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bujurocks1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18
🚨︎ report
I finally cut ties with a person that was holding me back

Mountain climbing with friends is hard.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30
🚨︎ report
What bag can a person be?

Scum-bag

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dad-of-luke
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
why did the short person ignore the you must be this tall to ride sign

he was above it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crypt-lord
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
🚨︎ report
Who's the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuietFalls
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, has become the first person ever to have a net worth over $200 billion.

Thatβ€˜s a really expensive net!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okkani
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28
🚨︎ report
What's it called when a person from the Middle East takes a really bad tumble?

Falafel.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aladek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person with no body and no nose??

NOBODY KNOWS!!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shahoody24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
To the person whole stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
A person asked a mailman, β€œwhy do you work as a mailman, it gives so little money?”

The mailman responds β€œIt’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message”

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bambiartistic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call an annoying person from Hungary?

A BudaPEST.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chillipowder01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
What's the similarity between a person with rheumatism and a high school drug dealer

They both have bad joints

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketGlove1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person that takes a nap in front of a car?

Tired.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ARBITER0FDEATH
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
What does a one-armed person has no need for?

A second hand watch

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who loves both himself and waffles more than anything else in the world?

An Eggomaniac

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MBonez12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sweet person with a negative outlook?

A pepsimist

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevb75
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
For the person who invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing.

(If this has been done, im very sorry.)

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAlladinSir
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
When a short person waves at you, how is it called?

Microwave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/usertheloset
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person without a body or a nose.

Nobody knows.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aryamanB0506
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
To the person that stole my antidepressants...

I hope you're happy now.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
What person can shoot somebody, then frame you for being there?

A photographer

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BustyNinja69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
What is a scarry person's favorite store?

Michael Meijer

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolf6513
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I'm looking to make acquaintances with a person of great wickedness or maliciousness...

Asking for fiend.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a calm person who moves around a lot?

A no-mad

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RD1K
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
How do you keep a person in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
What did the first person in a colored photo say?

Color me impressed!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Icystuff
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
What does a cannibal say to a person he just met?

Nice to meat you

(and then he eats you, in the flesh of an eye)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
I gave up my seat in the bus for a blind person.

That is how i lost my job as a bus driver.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.

And I thought to myself, well that’s a little condescending.

sorry it’s a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Dating a person with OCD can be difficult.

Every time you get turned on, they turn you off again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VforViolin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who steals e-cigarettes?

A juul thief

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cookiecakes29
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
When you see a person person at the bus stop with no arms and legs don’t start a conversation with...

β€œHi, how are you getting on?”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Son: You know I'm a self-made person.

Dad: Your mother and I would like to disagree.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the blind person get the joke?

It was an in-sight joke.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bart00szeq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
I hit a surprised person in the face

He was gobsmacked

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.

I have to know what his final answer was.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_E_L_Bawks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhat do you call a drawing of a sick person?‬

An illustration

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person in D.C. that never leaves the first floor of a building?

A lobbyist

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Did you hear how clever the person was who invented the tutu?

They really knew how to put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitosa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Was on a Skype call with my best friend and her cat. Midway, the cat just got up and left to which my friend exclaimed "Le chat just left the chat". Marry this person.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/validate-me-gaiz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
The average person is really mean
πŸ‘︎ 20k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o0oo00oo0o
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Not sure if it's legal for me to makes these jokes bc I'm not a dad so here it goes... What does a duck and a homeless person have in common?... . .

They both love quack

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imaginepicklez
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
To the person whole stole my glasses

I will find you, I have contacts

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person in prehistoric times that wanders around aimlessly?

A Meanderthal

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jerdub1993
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?

One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
To the person losing all their forks:

It must be terrible to be running out of tines.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeraldAlabaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
During the riots the other day, a person was beat up by six dwarfs.

Not Happy.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
How do you get a deaf person to shut up

Tie their hands behind their back

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
I lost my job today because I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person

It turns out that everyone else on the bus didn’t want a blind person behind the wheel...

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMolest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
On a post about a washed up whale. This person SEAS the opportunity and they take it!
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aakashrajaraman
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."

Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle

I think I might have broken it!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
If you want an unbiased opinion ask a blind person

They blind test everything

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacksonrr3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my running shoes and reflective vest...

You can run, but you can't hide!

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/citronellaspray
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
To the person whole stole my antidepressants

I hope you're happy now

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wcslater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person

But, in the end, I was able to duet.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Shout-out to the person who came up with the word "plethora".

It really means a lot to me. Well, to a lot of people, really.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
why can't you see the father of a person who identifies themself with a different gender than the one They're born with?

he's transparent

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aggeliki04
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a French person’s favourite cereal?

Huit-abix

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DontHateJustLove
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What is a person who dances nimbly in the phalanx? A Hoplite.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krmjn
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
To the right Paige(the person's name is paige)
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harij21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
What's a blind person's dream year?

20/20

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my selfie stick...

...You need to take a long look at yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my selfie stick,..

I hope you’re taking a long look at yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die.

Cyan-aura.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the person who hit their head in a maize maze?

They had suffered a corncussion

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrumpGuy88888
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my calendar...

Mark my words, your days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saltyquill
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sad person in the Caribbean?

A tropical depression

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speedoc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I just found out there's a person inside Iron Man.

It was a Stark realization.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
A blind person was eating seafood

It didn’t help.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nom_nom44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my calendar

I hope he gets 6 months.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jtfiction
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What's the worst thing a blind person can read in Braille?

Do Not Touch

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word!

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harel2710
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my glasses:i will find you

I have contacts

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pipoca-queimada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my glasses

I will find you.

I have contacts.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report

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