If someone is burnt and needs a skin graft, can I donate the skin tissue on my butt?

Ass skin for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Well someone had to do it
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soda_Monster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Someone broke into my garage last night, stole my tools and stuff, but I can't believe they took my limbo stick too.

Seriously..how low can you go ?

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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How dare they make someone else clean that up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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What do you call someone who steal energy?

A joule thief.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/abybaddi009
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbellybegone
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?

A heroine addict

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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What do you call someone who takes pictures of Vietnamese soup?

A pho-tographer

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftaf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today

I said that's the last thing I need

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DonPittelleone
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a non binary person kill someone?

They/them

πŸ‘︎ 315
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mauritsq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a snake threaten someone?

β€œWatch it or I’ll blow you to slithereens!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tuckkeys
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If you are on the first floor of a building, and someone one the second floor is being arrested, are you...

Under arrest?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostgoat789
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Someone's at the door
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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My parents found this while camping... someone has a good sense of humour
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloandog69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Pirate Ship Captain: I am desperate. Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals?

Crew: I I Captain.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"

"That's M'Shell on my back!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....

I'm no longer covered.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone, and I wondered why they were doing that...

Then IT hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obsidiandragon61
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone whose whole life revolves around ice?

An eskimo

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you know if someone is vegan?

They’ll tell you

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StringTraveler
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What do you call someone who is between being holy and unholy.

nholy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridinorex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone just told me I reminded them of a packet of flavourless chips.

I've never been so unsalted in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew someone who collected watches. They'd link the watches all together into a sort of belt.

I thought it was a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Whenever someone says β€œit’s chilly outside” I feel compelled to reply:

You know what they say, chili today hot tamale

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Techreus
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
does anyone know if a doctor can take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?

Ass skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A good way to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Someone was talking to me about kitchen utensils, something I really couldn't care for.

I told them to sieve it for someone who cares.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daniel101x
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you see someone about to be attacked by a duck, don’t try to warn them.

It only makes things worse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone called me lazy today.

I almost replied.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who is incredibly good at estimating the weight of objects?

A masstermind

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-KeyLime-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
So the cops just came to my door, they said my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them "my dog doesn't even own a bike"
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vicious5150
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the cannibal say when someone nearly knocked their food off the table?

β€œDon’t worry, I got your back!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."

I couldn't if I tried.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone that visits a lot of bars?

A bar attender

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSilverFudge
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone recently asked how being mute was going for me.

Can't complain.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emination_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If someone created a capacitor Hall of Fame,

Would the guy who welcomes new members still be called an inductor?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thx_tex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.

She would have had a cow.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

β€œI play a little guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I killed someone called Bart

I think I'm a bartender now.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iNeedHealing24_7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone baked my sword! It made me so angry!! I guess you could say...

I lost my temper

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone told me Trumps last order as president is to outlaw shredded cheese.

Hmm guess he wants to make America grate again πŸ€”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone offered me a bowl of beans.

I think I’ll pass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A person sees someone walking in the street without a mask. Frustrated, he goes up to him, stops at two meters away and angrily mutters through his mask,

"People like you make me sick!".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a non-binary person kill someone?

they / them

πŸ‘︎ 207
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor guy.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/globevoyager_in
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into our local police station and stole all the urinals.

Police say they have nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbellybegone
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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