I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 03 2021
The cast of βFriendsβ got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 13 2021
My daughter told me nothing rhymes with orange. I told her sheβs wrong.
Nothing and orange have completely different ending sounds.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
If you spell the words βAbsolutely Nothingβ backwards, you get βGnihton Yletulosba,β which ironically means...
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
π︎ 61
π
︎ May 10 2021
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Apr 30 2021
What do you say to a man with nothing left?
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 11 2021
I regret nothing
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
The spelling mistake adze nothing.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
I have nothing but major props for the guy who came up with this caption
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 11 2021
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
My wife and I received nothing from our wedding guests but colanders. There musta been 500 of the damned thing.
It really put a strain on our marriage.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 04 2021
People just keep saying, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
I keep telling them, "No it doesn't!"
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 06 2021
I'm working hard on something now so I can peacefully do nothing in retirement...
So I'm givin it all for nothing
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
I had nothing to do so I thought of personally mixing the small leaves of a low-growing aromatic plant of the mint family.
But I knew Iβd end up with too much Thyme on my hands
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 07 2021
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, all the other guests are supposed to pretend as if nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
π︎ 652
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I suspected my teenage son was sneaking food, but nothing prepared me for when I entered his room unannounced
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 24 2021
3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 29 2021
Why does nothing get done in Horse Parliament?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Someone dug a plethora of dβearth. Now Iβve got a hole lot of nothing.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Ainβt nothing but a heart break
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
If the arch of your foot keeps hurting and there's nothing you can do about it...
Does that make it your... arch nemesis?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
Nothing I can do about it
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
There's nothing as peaceful as a child sleeping
Now if only I could figure out who the parents are...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Phil is to blame for this one, nothing to do with me.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia. What is fear of nothing at all?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
Since it's International Women's Day, I'd like to point out some inequality: If my wife wears nothing but one of my t-shirts it's cute, but if I wear nothing but one of her t-shirts...
...I have to leave Home Depot.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Trump : Nothing is built in America anymore....
.....I just bought this new t.v. and it said, "Built in Antenna" I don't even know where that is!!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
Suddenly YouTube is recommending me nothing but climate change videos
Praise the YouTube Al-Gore-Rythym
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
Nothing flashy
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
My dad's not allowed to speak Japanese, let alone teach the language. But there's nothing that says he can't teach Japanese cooking and geography. So far, I just learned the cooking tools and the location of the country.
This is Japan, this is ja-spatula, this is ja-whisk, this is ja-wok, this is ja-mixer, this is ja-fork, this is ja-spoon, and these are ja-chopsticks.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I have a good friend who wears clothes made of nothing but carpet.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
A book my son is reading. Nothing but fart jokes/puns
π︎ 61
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
Moove Along Nothing to see here
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Her: What are you giggling about? Me: Oh, nothing...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 21 2021
They have milkshakes with whipped cream and cherries at Chick-fil-A, but nothing more elaborate...
Otherwise, they might have to work on sundaes.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
There is nothing kawaii about Hawaii.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
Peter Brown the world famous hairdresser told his son, that he's leaving him nothing in his will....
I can't believe he's cutting off his own heir.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
Nothing special tuna-ight
π︎ 29
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
Nothing in the English language...
...starts with N and ends with G
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Nothing goes wrong on my watch
π︎ 243
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
If Queen Elizabeth farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases have no reaction.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
π︎ 161
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and said, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
Itβs a shame nothing is made in the USA anymore.
I just bought a TV that said βBuilt in Antennaβ. I donβt even know where that is!
π︎ 217
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
