No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...
“I play a little guitar!"
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, it’s black and white.
In Illinois, it's illegal to have legal possesion over fecal matter of any sort.
Can't have shit in Detroit.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....
When a clogged drain killed his family, a clog far past the u-bend & far beyond justice, he knew had to take matters into his own filthy hands. He had to become...
No matter how bad his career gets, why will you not see Rick Astley waiting tables?
Because he'll never run around and dessert you.
A guy told me the size of my heart matters more than my physical size.
Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
Some people relieve their sexual urge by taking matters into their own hands.
No matter how kind you are...
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
It doesn't matter how good the soap smells....
Never come out of the public toilets smelling your fingers.
No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.
He was a master of the duck shun.
When you're at the urinals, it doesn't matter of you're French, German, Spanish or Swedish
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to master the entire alphabet.
No matter what kind of pasta you throw in a black hole
It all gets spaghettified.
No matter what I do I can't get these pests to leave my house...
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
No matter how goth you are,
Melkor will always be Morgoth.
No matter how kind you are...
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
To all the women out there who say size doesn’t matter:
You are all extremely shallow
What’s big and grey and doesn’t matter?
No matter how stressful my day is, I always sleep like a baby.
I crap myself and wake up crying at least once each night.
You matter
Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light ...
... then you energy.
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope
It'll still be stationery.
Sometimes nationality matters
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
What do u call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
irrelephant ...,,,,That was the most stupidest joke ,sorry
I explained to my wife, "Darling, it doesn't matter if your cup is half full or half empty, my point is..."
"You need to buy a different size bra!"
It really doesn’t matter if you can’t spell Armageddon
It isn’t the end of the world
No matter how tired he is, Mel never skips confession.
In school I was really bad at math. As a matter of fact,
I failed so many times, I can’t even count.
No matter how we pitched the human organs to the other team, they'd swing and miss...
They didn't even bat an eye.
It doesn't matter if youre straight, gay or bisexual
At the end of the day, its night
No matter how kind you are....
German children are always Kinder.
It doesn't matter if you're black or white, or gay or straight
At the end of the day, it's night.
No matter how kind you are...
German children are always kinder.
No matter how kind you are
German kids are always Kinder
No matter how kind you are
German Children are always kinder
No matter how nice your kids are ...
German kids are always Kinder.
No matter how hard you push the envelope ...
It'll still be stationery.
No matter how kind your kids are
German kids are always Kinder
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
No matter how much you push the envelope,
It'll always be stationery.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
