I once knew a hoarder who kept a drawer packed full of matted and tangled hair.

It was dreadful.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I simply had to purchase the new hat of matted wool!

It felt great!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I got an anti-fatigue mat for my desk.

I couldn't stand to work without it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Matt with a mat πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™‚οΈ
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M10nemo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: Have you heard of duh mat huh? Son: What's duh mat huh?

NOTHING!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aGoatNamedScape
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."

Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a door mat
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KareemSaysHi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Also works as a Welcome Mat.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the lego regime fail?

They had the worst Duplo-mats. It all fell to pieces...

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deviantfarm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
hi matt
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hannah51504
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mat to Matt i.imgur.com/rFjwR55
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/missdrywit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Floor mat
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenlicken865
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Salesman

I used to have a job selling exploding prayer mats.

Prophets were through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/syhendrickson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog has no legs

I took him out for a drag last night

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Field Dressing

Hey guys, relatively new dad here. Pretty proud of myself because this came naturally. My 7 mo daughter, wife and I were hiking yesterday. My daughter was strapped to the front of me, and she started to stink. We found a field to lay her on her changing mat and change her diaper. She had a complete explosion so it required an outfit change. I looked up at my wife and said β€œlooks like I’ll be performing a field dressing”. Corny af I know, but it made my wife laugh πŸ˜†!

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ty_diesel_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a part time job at the crash mat factory...

It was just something to fall back on

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TerrySlews
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm in this new business of producing prayer mats with built in ejector seats...

So far the prophets are soaring.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Purtassium
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is upset that I got a hemp mat for our patio.

She claims it’s a gateway rug.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently came across a business opportunity to produce bombs disguised as prayer mats.

The salesman assured me the prophets would go through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrmatt04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to collect crash mats

I don’t anymore, but it’s nice to have something to fall back on.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dead-Noise
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A cricketer was asked if preferred to play on grass or coconut matting.

He said he doesn’t know β€˜cos he had never smoked coconut matting.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to beat him up too
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/panaskaew
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Couldn’t resist

Friend texts me: Can you leave a key fir me under the mat? Me: Maple I will, Maple I won’t. Friend: ? Me: Pine, I’ll leave a key Friend: oh, my typo, haha Me: I’ve got a bunch more Buckeye will wait til later to tell you.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PR2NP
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Start a shop selling rugs, mats etc. Call it...

Carpet Diem

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/masterconjuror
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2016
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine makes prayer mats with hidden explosives

I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metnem
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Your welcome mat vs you're welcome matt youtu.be/KYVrJHTV1HU
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zesty54321
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad got us a new mat imgur.com/OBXFJLg
πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENT_titled
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2013
🚨︎ report
How many yoga mats does techno man have?

Four on the floor.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DisastroVan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I opened a small business selling landmines that looked like prayer mats.

Prophets went through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamibe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
🚨︎ report
The Prayer Mat Salesman

My dad tells me this prayer mat salesman started putting bombs in the mats.

"His prophets are going through the roof "

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Para11axis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the door knob say to the new welcome mat?

"Hi you must be Matt." The mat replies "Haha, you're so dorky" "No I've just got a little door key in me."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mclevin05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall...

Art.

Two guys with no arms and no legs and hangs on your wall? Curt n Rod.

No arms and no legs in a bathtub? Dwayne.

No arms and no legs at your front door? Mat

No arms and no legs and playing in the leaves? Russell

At the city dump? Phil

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to walk 50 miles to get to my home. There, I saw a welcoming sight.

It was the mat on my front stoop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 249
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmonkey9876
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on stage with the band?

Mic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I locked myself out of the house when I brought pasta home from the store.

I couldn't get in. I checked underneath the mat, in the flower pot, but then it dawned on me.

I had gnocchi.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dawnguardian286
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A little boy walked in on his dad..

A little boy walked in on his dad working on the PC, his tools scattered about, and a few internal components laying on an ESD(electrostatic discharge) mat.

The little boy went to pick up a part, and asked his dad, " What are those pointy things on the bottom?"

"They're pins."

"Wow, there's a lot of them. How many do they have?"

"Well, there's a few different types, so it depins."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hentaisianbloke
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on my front porch?

Mat!

my father loves these jokes back in the day. whos familiar with them all?

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angrydispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I placed my pint down on the table in the pub and one of the waiters walker over to my table.

"Would you like a beer mat?" he asked.

I said, "I prefer cider, pal. And my name isn't Matt."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I feel bad

Everytime I walk in and out of my house I step on my good friend Mat.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HowlingRoar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My mom dad joked my wife at Disney World...dad and I have taught her well...

Early morning at the hotel getting ready to go the Magic Kingdom, I'm taking my 6 year old to the food court, my wife asks my mom to watch our 2 year old so she can "jump in the shower"

Mom - "I wouldn't jump, there is no mat in there, probably safer to stand." And goes back to drinking her coffee....

I cried a couple tears of joy...

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilbandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?

The prophets are through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donegal-Hospital
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I just started a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
The welcome mat is a gateway rug.
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report

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