I told my doctor I felt constipated

He told me I was full of shit

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said β€˜stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.

Martha was burning with curiosity

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/husbus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.

Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinejabronie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
I’ve always felt bad for the silverfish

Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.

The winner, of course, was the goldfish.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jweiss10
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?

Probably pterofied.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterNova924
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
A man approached me, touched my shirt and asked β€œis this felt?” To which I responded β€œno”.

He replied β€œit is now”.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yoopyeet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I felt bad when my wife ate all my potato chips...

...but that's malaise

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
Puppets are often felt.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrShaunce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who knew when people felt like they want to urinate...

He had ESPee.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

β€œOK,” I said, β€œbuth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
If you felt a mouse, what sort of mouse would it be?

A feeled mouse.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I bet it felt great to finnish that!
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I felt bad for eating my Jewish friend's coin shaped chocolate candy he had purchased to given his children at Hanukkah...

Pangs of gelt haunt me to this day!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Saw it on r/memes, felt like it belongs here
πŸ‘︎ 401
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beebeepsheep
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A fly felt something bite his back...

Fly: "Hmmm. Whoever that was must be pretty small to fit on my back"

     "Hey! What are you? A mite? "

Mite: " Yeah, as in I MIGHT have just bit you hahaha!"

Fly: "That's the worst pun I've ever heard."

Mite: "What can I say, I came up with it on the fly."

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Felt bad for that garden snail after he lost his shell..

Poor guy has been sluggish ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I felt clever so I'm posting here.
πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hudjoj
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
Felt like this belonged here /r/Jokes/comments/g8460y/…
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeanmrqz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I also knew someonewho felt morally obligated to drive an economy sized Honda

She felt it was her Civic duty

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arthurdent6
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
I was always bothered with the spelling of 'Wii' in Nintendo Wii. It felt like they were trying too hard to be cool and hip by spelling 'We' with two ii's. I don't know why but it just makes me cringe when corporations try to be edgy and relatable.

As for the console, it was aiight.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biggerobrothero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Where did the bird go when he felt sick?

To the ducktor!

But why did he feel sick?

Because he had a crippling quack addiction.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okaynoodle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body ...

Then I was born

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon...

"Well…" he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I said.

"Well, no…" he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Felt like this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mpaler78
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex girlfriend across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Before I met my wife, I felt incomplete.

Now I feel finished.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I felt a small rip in my favorite pair of pants today

But I can’t seam to find out where.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A98HondaCivic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
What did the blind person say when he felt a typo in the brail

Somethings wrong I can feel it

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me their landlord and that kinda makes them my...

Tenants

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kevonthe2nd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Felt. Might delete later.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_bang482
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Iran felt that one.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sekrocatzx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I did this to my sister, felt like it belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imahoteg
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I felt a little sad for my lucky sock when I looked down and saw another rip, this one baring my entire ankle.

I sniffled. My sock was on it's last leg.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightreach1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
I felt like a bad banana this morning.

I didn't peel well.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatfamousGuy2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Felt this belonged here gfycat.com/organiccandidd…
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pswizzle9283
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I felt that this post and the crosspost belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear of the architect who felt compelled to design overly-engineered buildings?

He had a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.

My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to wonder why I felt held down all the time.

But I guess that’s just the way gravity works.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaredjtaylor86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Felt the knead to drop a hot pun on my wife
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Greigers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IINightMasterII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you think dinos felt after the meteor?

Very saur

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cjh367
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I confessed to my family today that, β€œWhen I was younger, I felt like a man trapped inside a woman’s body."

"Then I was born.”

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone felt that
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmoFt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt tip maka
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DVa4evermaka4ever
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my psychiatrist I felt like a dog.

He told me to get off the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad - β€œNice shirt, is that felt?”

Son - β€œNo, it is cotton. Here,” as he reaches his arm out to me and I touch his sleeve.

Dad - β€œIt’s felt now.”

πŸ‘︎ 617
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boyleolio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was complaining about being pregnant, saying I felt like I would be pregnant for all eternity.

To which my dad replied, "You mean all maternity?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
When I woke up this morning I felt numb...

And when I looked at the digits of my phone

showing 06:42 I started feeling even number.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pungunner98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said she felt something in her shoe.

I said it was probably her foot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vistmar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just felt like it belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bialkii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Had some dental work done today. Dentist gave me the anesthetic and asked how my mouth felt.

"Just swell!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I felt shot through the heart.
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatosgalore
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the woman felt uncomfortable whilst sewing

Because she seamstressed

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shinoobie96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I've always felt safer around woman with bandages.

You could say I was a bit of a mummy's boy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Man: "Doctor I feel like a supermarket" Doctor: "How long have you felt like this?"

Man: "Ever since I was Lidl."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
"Is that shirt felt?"

-*Touches shirt*

-"Now it is."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smartpeep03
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt clute? C'mon
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papatheredeemer
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Repost but....I felt it was worthy
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dshock79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a women’s body

... and then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chygurl
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this on another sub, felt like it belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Found at my local grocery store and felt this definitely belongs here
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wildd666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt. Might delete later.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanillin-Nebula
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw this while browsing Instagram. Felt it should be here
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucatchu947
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alishebl05
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I went for a walk with my pregnant wife last night who commented that it felt nice since there was no sun.

Me: "Of course there isn't. The doctor already said we're having a girl."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassicbond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
The day after our son died my wife came to me and said she felt like she wasn’t grieving properly and she felt bad.

The next day I woke up to her sobbing and I told her β€œgood mourning!”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimReaper666-777
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day, my brother said he felt funny

I went over to him touched his shoulder and laughed

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drackonick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I caught a fish this morning, felt compelled to throw him back

He looked shad.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body

Then I was born

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fm369
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't know how I would have felt about that
πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Athena123YT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad: Hey is that shirt felt?

Me: um no it's not. Dad: *proceed to touch my shirt. It is now!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chooboto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Felt like it belongs here
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soultsalik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend Theo has decided to open an American President themed felt shop...

He's calling it Theodore's Rows of Felt

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaciousYeti
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Growing up I felt CLOSER to mom than dad...

...for he was FATHER than her

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.

It truly was a breath of fresh air.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pvtsoab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
It always felt really weird to me how male authors are obsessed with the female body.

Always going on and on about their webbed feet and soft, insulated.... Oh wait, that's male otters

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/man_nowhere
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I haven't felt myself since I dropped numbing cream all over my body.
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend if he wanted to see that new Stephen King movie adaptation and it felt like a betrayal when he declined.

"It 2, Brute?" I had asked.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phiv555
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
This one felt like a punch in the stomach.
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eric8he
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body...

I learnt then that superglue is not a good lubricant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huggleton_
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was a young boy, I felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body

But then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RemarkableCan2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What was the last thing Jesus felt?

Cross

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Baljeet-Tjinder-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Felt this should end up here
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefirstline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw my ex girlfriend across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to go say hello.

There was just too much history between us.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I felt pretty sick after drinking some milk with cream.

My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
When i was younger i felt like a man trapped in a womans body

Then i was born

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stohi
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon. "Well..." he said. "It could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn't decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we flip for it."

"And he won?" I asked.

"Well, no..." he mumbled. "The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder, the big jerk!"

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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