And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
I told my dad that I always felt a deep sense of foreboding when we drive on the bridge over the canal
He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."
I had this one night stand and I felt really bad about it.
So, the next morning I raced out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
I felt so bad when I dropped my toothpaste.
Why did rotton tomato always felt left out.
Because he couldn't ketchup
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked.
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
Forgive my brain, but I felt the urge to share this baby of mine
I felt like a hero when I donated that kindey to save a kid's life
Figured the collection was getting a bit too big so why not
credit to the r/TwoSentenceHorror subreddit
I tried my hand at macrame and felt bad about it.
When I looked at my finished work, I realized that I did something that was very knotty.
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
What do dogs get when their joints get sore?
After days, it felt nice to finally come clean
I saw a horizontal axis today and felt uncomfortable.
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said ‘stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
I told my doctor I felt constipated
He told me I was full of shit
I felt really sad when I saw a girl on TV crying and saying, “I Miss America!”
Then someone corrected her grammar and gave her a sash and a tiara.
Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?
I’ve always felt bad for the silverfish
Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.
The winner, of course, was the goldfish.
Saw it on r/memes, felt like it belongs here
A man approached me, touched my shirt and asked “is this felt?” To which I responded “no”.
I toiled for hours trying to come up with a good joke about airplanes.
In the end, I felt like the punchline would just go over everybody's head.
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
I felt bad when my wife ate all my potato chips...
I felt clever so I'm posting here.
I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time.
I had the time of my life.
A fly felt something bite his back...
Fly: "Hmmm. Whoever that was must be pretty small to fit on my back"
"Hey! What are you? A mite? "
Mite: " Yeah, as in I MIGHT have just bit you hahaha!"
Fly: "That's the worst pun I've ever heard."
Mite: "What can I say, I came up with it on the fly."
I bet it felt great to finnish that!
Felt. Might delete later.
Where was Moses when the lights went out?
In the dark.
My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.
I also knew someonewho felt morally obligated to drive an economy sized Honda
She felt it was her Civic duty
If you felt a mouse, what sort of mouse would it be?
Where did the bird go when he felt sick?
To the ducktor!
But why did he feel sick?
Because he had a crippling quack addiction.
I had a friend who knew when people felt like they want to urinate...
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.
They even had a shift differential!
After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.
I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.
He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."
"And the hot dogs?" I asked
"Nitrates"
I had this one night stand and I felt so bad about it...
So the next morning, I rushed out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body ...
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