And I’m sure he felt the burn too!
When I was younger, I felt like a man, trapped inside a woman body.
Her body tensed and quivered as she felt wave after wave surge through it...
I probably should have told her about the new electric fence..
Sent this to my gf cuz I felt lonely.
I felt uncomfortable with my wife giving me dirty looks in public
So I had to ask her to clean her glasses
My wife asked how I felt about getting Thai food for dinner
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
My realtor asked me how I felt about the defects in the finish trim in my new home.
John felt like the odd one out at the Mohawk convention, maybe because of the language barrier?!
He’s not a native speaker after all
Working on a home construction project and felt like relaxing with drink. Of course it's unsafe to mix alcohol with power tools.
Which is why I mixed my drink with a spoon instead.
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."
"He was always looking down on me!"
I told my dad that I always felt a deep sense of foreboding when we drive on the bridge over the canal
He said "That's because the canal IS for boating."
I had this one night stand and I felt really bad about it.
So, the next morning I raced out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
I felt so bad when I dropped my toothpaste.
Why did rotton tomato always felt left out.
Because he couldn't ketchup
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked.
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
Forgive my brain, but I felt the urge to share this baby of mine
I felt like a hero when I donated that kindey to save a kid's life
Figured the collection was getting a bit too big so why not
credit to the r/TwoSentenceHorror subreddit
I tried my hand at macrame and felt bad about it.
When I looked at my finished work, I realized that I did something that was very knotty.
I quit my job as a treadmill tester.
I just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here.
reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
After days, it felt nice to finally come clean
I saw a horizontal axis today and felt uncomfortable.
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said ‘stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
At that moment, Dr. Frankenstein knew what it felt like to be God.
Today I donated my watch, phone and 100 euros to a poor guy
You don't know the happiness I felt as he put his knife back in his pocket
One time in my anatomy class, we dissected a sheep brain and I have to admit, I felt a bit sheepish about it.
Sorry, that was just a ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-d joke.
What do dogs get when their joints get sore?
Saw it on r/memes, felt like it belongs here
What kind of dogs like sun tanning?
I felt really sad when I saw a girl on TV crying and saying, “I Miss America!”
Then someone corrected her grammar and gave her a sash and a tiara.
Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?
I’ve always felt bad for the silverfish
Sure, I know they’re disgusting little bugs. But I started taking pity on the little guys after they only came in second in this poll of people’s favorite animals.
The winner, of course, was the goldfish.
A man approached me, touched my shirt and asked “is this felt?” To which I responded “no”.
Please accept my Heart Felt thanks.
I felt clever so I'm posting here.
Felt. Might delete later.
A fly felt something bite his back...
Fly: "Hmmm. Whoever that was must be pretty small to fit on my back"
"Hey! What are you? A mite? "
Mite: " Yeah, as in I MIGHT have just bit you hahaha!"
Fly: "That's the worst pun I've ever heard."
Mite: "What can I say, I came up with it on the fly."
I had this one night stand and I felt so bad about it...
So the next morning, I rushed out and bought another one for the other side of the bed.
When I was younger I felt like a man trapped in a woman’s body.
I've just quit my job as a treadmill tester...
I just felt like I wasn't getting anywhere.
When I was younger, I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body ...
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