I spent most of the weekend fastening pieces of fabric together for an upcoming project.

It was riveting!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmmjr16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
So I used to have an interest in coloring fabrics, but I decided to make puns instead.

Basically, if I couldn't make puns, I'd dye.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/magicoddeffect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Please vote here: When a prince ties fabric around his neck, is it a scarf, cravat or an ascot?

Voting has ended. It's a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife has been online this week, buying lots of black and white fabric.

I do hope she doesn’t make a habit of it

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....

Sofa sew good.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to tell a joke about fabric...

But I’m out of material.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call evil fabric? Satin
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QwerkyKeyboard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Are underpants with a 3.14 mm wide crotch fabric called

pi-thongs?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of fabric softener does iron man use ?

Downey

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost a court case against a fabric softener

I fought Lenor and Lenor won!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A monastery decided to liven up their old clothes by tie-dying them, but the fabric became stiff and uncomfortable. When the Abbott asked a sister to explain, she gave a simple reply:

"Old habits dye hard".

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tqtshesays
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the joke about the gold metalic woven fabric?

Nevermind. It's lamΓ©.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tawa_Blue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a build a bear with too little fabric and tried to build it.

It was un-bearable

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.

Everything I touch becomes felt.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wasn't the fabric softener doing so great?

It was feeling rather Downy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHollowed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?” reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blazinfastjohny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I just have a preference for certain fabrics.

Nothing you say will dissuede me!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elokwins
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: β€œshould we get the hypoallergenic fabric softener?”

Me: β€œno the regular stuff is fine we’re only a littleallergenic”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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What's Jaw's favorite fabric?

Denim.....denim...denim..denim.denim

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thunkbunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna know why I started trying out fabric arts and crafts?

I felt like it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Fabric shops are materialistic.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the comedian go to JoAnn Fabrics?

He wanted to get some new material.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hudsomania
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
The Fabric of Our Lives
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zevediah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a helicopter made of old fabric?

An apatche

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberneticpencil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new fabric that can send text messages?

It's immaterial.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of fabric makes you procrastinate?

Tarry-cloth.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/copycat042
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Is that felt? *Obviously cotton fabric*

Son responds, "No."

*Touches said fabric* - "It is now!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarke_CD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a psychic fabric?

A polyEsper.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/judge_sludge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens to the fabric when it reaches consciousness?

It becomes a wear.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeanemicha
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener....

Now her clothes don't fit.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What Beatle is entirely made out of fabric?

John Linen

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I ran out of fabric softener today.

It's going to be a rough week.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheToteGoat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I read that if you sleep on a certain type of fabric smothered with ketchup it adds 20 years to your life.

Unfortunately I can't remember the sauce material

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the most emotional fabric?

Felt.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric.

Not today, satin.

Not today.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad on fabrics...

I got my sister a jacket for her birthday yesterday. We were talking about it today when my dad walks up.

Dad: (feeling her jacket) Is this felt?

Sister: Um, I don't think so...?

Dad: Now it is!

My sister and her friends just stood there while dad walked away, laughing at himself.

πŸ‘︎ 123
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emmojojojo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
I suddenly forgot what a piece of clothing was. I explained it to my son: "It's a long piece of thin fabric, it goes around your neck, usually worn with a shirt?"

He said: It's a tie dad

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Accendil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas.

Everything I touch becomes felt.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScinrynAhnaa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas

Everything I touch becomes felt

πŸ‘︎ 440
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πŸ‘€︎ u/just87d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm like the fabric version of King Midas

Everything I touch becomes felt

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rivercitytees
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why did you wrap my birthday gift with this weird fabric?”

β€œI wanted my presents felt.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
As I sashayed around our living room, I shouted out to my family, " I'm like the fabric version of King Midas!"

"Everything I touch becomes felt!"

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report

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