My wife had just put expensive new silk bedding on the bed...

... along with a cashmere blanket. It seemed odd, but on top of all of that she put a cheap thin sheet woven from flax fibers. I was standing by the dresser and accidentally bumped a hot pot of Earl Grey, spilling it all over the bed. My wife told me not to worry. Amazingly, despite the amount that I had spilled, none of it got onto the fancy blanket or bedding. I was completely befuddled, so she explained, "Brewed tea is only linen deep."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuecoTanks
πŸ“…︎ May 31
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2 silk worms had a race....

.....they ended up in a tie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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My dad went a bit overboard; he bought ten different silk ties during his stay in China.

I think he should have stopped at Taiwan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechaxis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
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I tried to start a silk farm once...

But it kind of spun out of control.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
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Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric.

Not today, satin.

Not today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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My father's favorite joke.

My dad passed away about 3 years ago. Now that I am a dad as well I thought I would pass on his favorite joke, bear with me cuz its long, but worth it...

A poor man who lives in a straw hut wants to to impress his neighbor. So he works for 3 months, enough to buy a fancy chair at the market. He calls his neighbor over for dinner one night and has him sit in the chair at dinner. He asks his neighbor, " isn't this a very nice chair? " To which the neighbor replies "it's okay i guess"...

Heartbroken, after the neighbor leaves, the man takes the chair upstairs and puts it in a closet and thinks.. maybe it was not a nice enough chair...

He then works 6 months, leaves his little straw hut and hitches a ride to the city and buys an extravagant chair with velvet padding. Once again he has his neighbor over for dinner, this time the neighbor says "it's nice, but I've seen better"

Sad, the man stores the chair in the upstairs closet. But the man could not be deterred.

He then worked for an entire year, left his little straw hut and went all the way to the capitol and bought a gaudy, gold painted chair with lion motifs and silk pillows.

The neighbor comes over to dinner and says. "Wow, what an ugly chair!"

Furious, the man grabs the chair, marches upstairs and throws it in the closet with such force that his entire straw hut collapses.

I guess people who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/graffd02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
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I've just bought Spider-Man pyjamas

I hope he likes them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayckb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Puns for Educated Minds
  1. The fattest knight at King Arthurs round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: You stay here; I'll go on a head.

  13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

  14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: Keep off the Grass.

  15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  17. A backward poet writes inverse.

  18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

  19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

  20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

  21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

  22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam!

  23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

  24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, I’ve lost my electron. The other says Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

  26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreshFocusPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2015
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2 silk worms had a race...

....they ended up in a tie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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Two silk worms had a race

They ended up in a tie!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZdogDaBoss623
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Two silks worms had a race...

It ended in a tie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tikihaha_74
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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Two silk worms got in a fight.

It ended in a tie

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinoyDadInOman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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Two silk worms were in a race

It ended in a tie

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Two silk worms were in a race...

It ended in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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I put 2 Silk Worms in a race...

They ended up in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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I put 2 Silk Worms in a race...

They ended up in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
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Two silk worms got into a race...

...it ended in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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Two silk worms were in a race...

They both ended up in a tie.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photosmith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2011
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My grandpa sent me this email. King of dad jokes.
  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

  19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

  20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

  21. A backward poet writes inverse.

  22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

  23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattybreit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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