I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.
She had an excuse but it seemed fabricated.
You're paying for the bran.
I couldn't help myself... "Cuz it helps me get my shit together!"
It was moving.
So now I have a gigabit connection.
Wife: How can you eat the exact same thing for breakfast every morning?
Me: I guess I'm just a cereal monogamist.
Girlfriend sits down at spinning wheel to spin fiber into yarn.
"I think I'm going to spin for a while."
"Don't get dizzy."
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Good Moral Fiber.
One of them says, "You know, eating that much fiber doesn't really help with your constipation." "No shit", the other replies.
Hi. My name is DAK. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says “sorry sir we don’t serve string here”. He then proceeds to tie him into a knot and throw in outside. Whilst outside, a pack of feral canines attack the piece of string until his fibers are loosened in a disheveled manner. The piece of string them proceeds to re enter the bar in need of medical assistance. “Hey, aren’t you the string I just threw out?” Asks the bartender. “No sir,” replies the string, “I’m a frayed knot”
I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.
(I was talking about the fruit)
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
Mike Rowe Fibers.
A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."
Context: Our 3 month old son had some cotton/fuzz/lint stuck between his fingers from a newer pair of pajamas. I was trying to keep his hands out of his mouth because I didn't want him eating the cloth particles.
Husband came out with this: Leave him alone LDJD. He has to get his fiber. Get it, fiber?
I was getting changed while I heard the man next to me talking to his buddy about work.... "So yeah they were having this issue where all these rats were eatting the internet cables so they had to keep replacing them." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, apparently the rats were on a high fiber diet."
I was playing basketball with a couple friends and one of them made a shot and said "that's a three". I responded with "that's a two." He said "OK a two". At this point I felt every fiber inside of me jumping for joy at the opportunity and answered with a grin so wide it could be seen from space "Bless you".
Groans were had by all.