Because it's still Lint!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
If the singer was so upset, why didn't they just ban Joe?
Because they already have Lenin.
Son responds, "No."
*Touches said fabric* - "It is now!"
They really want to get into the soft-wear industry.
Apparently they're planting it in fair rows.
Edit: Several thousand tons of mummified animals have been used as fertiliser.
Well, Cotton just woke up.
It hit my head and he said : "Headshot!" I throw it back at him, it hits his screen and I say : "Screenshot!" Forced laughter ensued.
Dad - Guess you could call that a tick sheet
Daughter buys some fairy floss
Dad: "You know, spiders make cobwebs for free."
To minimise casual tees
A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.
Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend
Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.
In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
I've named him Cotton Eye Joe.
I now need to know:
Where did he come from?
And where did he go?
....so they named me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.
Son - “No, it is cotton. Here,” as he reaches his arm out to me and I touch his sleeve.
Dad - “It’s felt now.”
EDIT: Alternate Ending
The judge dismissed it as hare say.
Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"
"Well, you're big and round and you've got two hands!" said my dad
Got into an accident and lost his eye. The doc got him a wooden eye to fill the hole. Before the accident he was quite the ladies man, dancing with all the young ladies at the barn dances. But afterwards he never went out, just stayed at home. He knew no woman would ever want him. Finally all his buddies came by and grabbed him and took him to a barn dance. He was just looking at all the pretty young ladies, afraid to ask any to dance. He noticed the one he’d never seen before, she was beautiful. But as he looked at her, he saw that she had a peg-leg. Well, she’d dance with him. So he walked over to her and asked “would you like to dance” she replied with excitement “ would I, would I? And he replied “peg-leg peg-leg”
Great! Because even doe they're coney, I'm a rabbit fan of a really bunny jokr. Sorry if it bugs you, but they make me hoppy and I hope they multiply.
I'm all ears whenever I hare one, br'ers nothing better. If I had burrowed a buck fur every one that's cotton me to chuckle I could buy a 10 carrot ring just in case my brother Jackelopes.
Shoot, I can't remember what the joke was now...
Oh well, Lettuce leaf it there, I've got to bounce over to IHOP for lunch.
It turned up this morning when I opened up the washing machine. Everything inside (cash, credit card, driver's license) was soaking wet.
Dad: "I'm calling the police."
Me: "Why would you do that?"
Dad: "You're guilty of laundering money."
I guess it never cotton.
Before I could put my own shoes on I would always ask m dad for help and This was his response every damn time.
me "daddy can you put my shoes on please"
Dad. "I can but I don't think they will fit me"
Followed this my dad would laugh hysterically and me whining saying "Nooo on meeeeee".
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
My dad once asked me why we dont eat Clowns. I looked at him like he was growing horns out of his head and thought about pennywise and cotton candy...for some reason. After a moment of staring I noticed the slight grin forming on his face so I obliged and said I dont know...
Because they taste funny!
I was telling my girlfriend her new pillowcases she bought were uncomfortable and she said they shouldn't be they're Egyptian cotton and my daughter said why have you got Egyptian Cotton....is it because you're a Mummy howls with laughter at her own joke
He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/
"we gotta find a bathroom quick boy, I've got a turtle sniffin' cotton."
I should preface this by saying this was on of the best dates I've ever been on, but the relationship also subsequently fell apart because of it.
Anyway, a few years ago, my girlfriend and I had been going out for a few months, and things were great. I met her through a mutual friend of mine at the hospital, weirdly enough. Our friend had gotten in a very bad accident and had to get a glass eye. He would always dab it with cotton to stop the bleeding at the beginning. Anyway, this is all relevant because my girlfriend (not girlfriend at the time) bonded over how disgusting our friends eye was. This got us to talking, and before you know it, we started going out. Things got pretty serious months and months down the line, and I was just laid off from my job. This meant that in general, we would go on cheaper dates. Nothing too drastic. Just like a movie and dinner instead of say the Opera and a fancy five star restaurant.
So, about a year and a half into the relationship, Joe, the mutu... keep reading on reddit ➡
Context: Our 3 month old son had some cotton/fuzz/lint stuck between his fingers from a newer pair of pajamas. I was trying to keep his hands out of his mouth because I didn't want him eating the cloth particles.
Husband came out with this: Leave him alone LDJD. He has to get his fiber. Get it, fiber?