The other said, "I could be suede."
I guess it never cotton.
I was hanging out with my dad at a 4th of July barbeque. One of the guys there said, "women should be seen and not heard." The guy next to him smirked and said, "women should be felt and not seen." My dad said, "women should be polyester, not felt."
I said "actually its polyester"
Then he put his hand on my shoulder and said "it is now!"
God damn it
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
My girlfriend is buying a cover for our couch, and trying to decide between several options.
"What does polyester feel like?"
"How should I know? I've never met her."
Exasperated sighs are sustenance.