Everyone expected him to go postal from the way he was raised, on a high fiber diet...

He had a roughage childhood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ribdunge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a snack that's high in protein, fats, and fiber.

It's nuts!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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I carry dietary fiber with me instead of a knife when I leave the house...

I can’t tell you how many times it’s saved my ass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bosnianbeast123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Most Men Don't Have Enough Fiber In Their Diet. Crazy Isn't It?

Tough Shit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FadedHaseeb
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to let my natural fiber weaver go today because she was late...

She had an excuse but it seemed fabricated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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Studies show men don’t get enough fiber in their diet

Tough shit

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ray1022
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Did you know that some people don’t get enough fibers in their diet?

That’s gotta be some hard shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRSMORTGUY
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are cookies that are high in fiber more expensive?

You're paying for the bran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oy-Law
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A coworker asked me why I take fiber gummies...

I couldn't help myself... "Cuz it helps me get my shit together!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SloppyJoe47
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Watched a great documentary about fiber

It was moving.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manuel_f_p
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I needed more fiber.

So now I have a gigabit connection.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manifest3r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
🚨︎ report
So I eat Fiber One every morning...

Wife: How can you eat the exact same thing for breakfast every morning?

Me: I guess I'm just a cereal monogamist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackWaterBaby
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Dadjoking my girlfriend while she spins fiber into yarn.

Girlfriend sits down at spinning wheel to spin fiber into yarn.

"I think I'm going to spin for a while."

"Don't get dizzy."

commence groaning

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gehalgod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2014
🚨︎ report
I got arrested for stepping on a cheerio

Guess the authorities thought I was a cereal killer

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife had just put expensive new silk bedding on the bed...

... along with a cashmere blanket. It seemed odd, but on top of all of that she put a cheap thin sheet woven from flax fibers. I was standing by the dresser and accidentally bumped a hot pot of Earl Grey, spilling it all over the bed. My wife told me not to worry. Amazingly, despite the amount that I had spilled, none of it got onto the fancy blanket or bedding. I was completely befuddled, so she explained, "Brewed tea is only linen deep."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuecoTanks
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A length of rope walks into a bar and orders two shots...

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, β€œ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, β€œ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”

Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Woke up with this joke from a dream I had last night. β€œWhat personality trait is the most cleansing?”

Good Moral Fiber.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lefthandedfreak
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two men are having a conversation at the bar

One of them says, "You know, eating that much fiber doesn't really help with your constipation." "No shit", the other replies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OneAndZer0s
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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I pity the people who have never had a date before...

I mean, they're excellent sources of protein, fiber, and good cholesterol.

(I was talking about the fruit)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electrocuter666
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Hi. My name is DAK.

Hi. My name is DAK. A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says β€œsorry sir we don’t serve string here”. He then proceeds to tie him into a knot and throw in outside. Whilst outside, a pack of feral canines attack the piece of string until his fibers are loosened in a disheveled manner. The piece of string them proceeds to re enter the bar in need of medical assistance. β€œHey, aren’t you the string I just threw out?” Asks the bartender. β€œNo sir,” replies the string, β€œI’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USMPShauserC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
*covers face with sheets*

FiBEr OPtiCks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
What's the Best Material to Use on Dirty Jobs?

Mike Rowe Fibers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDinkus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Friend got us good talking about food

A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/right_in_two
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Husband's first dad joke as a new dad.

Context: Our 3 month old son had some cotton/fuzz/lint stuck between his fingers from a newer pair of pajamas. I was trying to keep his hands out of his mouth because I didn't want him eating the cloth particles.

Husband came out with this: Leave him alone LDJD. He has to get his fiber. Get it, fiber?

groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldjd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
🚨︎ report
This guy at the gym has to be a dad

I was getting changed while I heard the man next to me talking to his buddy about work.... "So yeah they were having this issue where all these rats were eatting the internet cables so they had to keep replacing them." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, apparently the rats were on a high fiber diet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zidolos
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Basketball joke

I was playing basketball with a couple friends and one of them made a shot and said "that's a three". I responded with "that's a two." He said "OK a two". At this point I felt every fiber inside of me jumping for joy at the opportunity and answered with a grin so wide it could be seen from space "Bless you".
Groans were had by all.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slinckkey
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
What kind of murderer has moral fiber?

A cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanny_O_Rear
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report

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