I can't help this feeling...
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/janko1997
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling thistle be going on for hours...
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjriddick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
My son was rejected from Indiana University. Feeling persistent, he asked me if he should call one of the advisors and plead for admission.

I told him beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

πŸ‘︎ 282
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
My therapist just told me that I’m incapable of verbalizing my feelings.

Can’t say that I’m surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling that there is something wrong with my Braille book.

I can’t quite put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
My wife was feeling frisky in bed and asked if she could defile me

To which I replied: But what if I like being filed?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kylea12345
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
This would leave me feeling emotionally tired
πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titsonafish
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.

He was quite the cross-examiner.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/law_daddy_esq
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
Why is the moon feeling less popular?

There’s no buzz around it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Ash won’t be in EVIL dead 4! Know what I’m feeling?

It needs more Campbell!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I was feeling a little depressed, and then I saw a clown doing sit-ups across the street.

Funny how things work out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What did Adam said to Eve when she was feeling sleepy?

Everest

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I think my stallion is feeling sick

He sounds a bit hoarse

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling pretty sore after tripping over some clams.

I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry!
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amandajag
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
After I bought my car I started feeling sick...

I guess you could say I got car-owner virus

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bagle05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
I have mixed feelings about graphs.

The x and y axes are pretty cool but not the plot itself. That’s where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumSpace
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling that Kim Jong Un will soon be...

Kim Jong Dun

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Que00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Feeling positive
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cultodaostra
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
For my English final, I had to compose a lyric poem marked by exaltation of feeling and style, varying length of line, and complexity of stanza forms.

"Ode no!" I thought.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...

`It was his weather vein.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
My grandfather's in hospice, Dad asked him "how are you feeling?"

With my hands.

OG dad joker till the end. Love you Grandfather.

πŸ‘︎ 239
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KotWmike
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
After years in retirement, I lost all feeling in my fingers

you could say I am out of touch

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ana_tommy16
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Did you hear? Parents everywhere are feeling disoriented and unable to keep up with their kids while at home.

An announcement was made by the Center for Dizzies Control.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
When I'm really feeling stressed out, I massage auto parts to relax...

Sometimes, I just knead a brake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Dad: I'm feeling down

Son: why? what's wrong?

Dad: nothing's wrong. I just like how soft and warm it feels

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
If you are feeling lonely during the lockdown, try buying a few shares from the financial market.

Then you’ll have a little bit of company.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep

or if you operated on the right patient.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/galiyaan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Me (feeling discomfort while at a North Atlantic bird-themed amusement park):

"Well, this is Auk-World...."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I was feeling lonely so I bought some shares

It's nice to have some company

πŸ‘︎ 171
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_mazda_driver
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
This gave me a sinking feeling inside
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NothingSpecial255
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
What did Kim Jong Un said when he was not feeling well?

Kim Jong ill

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benboga08
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
My Mom said my Dad can be a little feminine at time with his feelings.

My Dad responded that he was trying to be trans-parent.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Sorry guys but I’m feeling a little bit puny today
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Saltperalta90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
How will you say a person that his breath stinks without hurting his feelings

I am bored let's drink mouthwash.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
Feeling foxy
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinity_entropy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

Because he has low elf esteem.

πŸ‘︎ 270
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling cold in winter?

Just stand in a corner, it has 90 degrees there!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hfcRedd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
What are you if you're feeling unwel?

Sic

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxilite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling very alone

Haven’t spoken to anyone this whole year

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatGuyDaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
I have the weirdest feeling...

... that this joke about dΓ©jΓ  vu might be a repost.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Kamala Harris must be feeling blue
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wuellig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If you ever have a feeling that nobody is thinking about you.

Just stop paying your taxes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I've been feeling really sentimental about a stent I had put in a few years ago.

It still holds a special place in my heart.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Avanou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl catch feelings for the mushroom?

Because he was a pretty fungi

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Grizz117
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost all feeling in my butt nerves. I'm not joking.

I'm dead ass serious.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling dull? Learn about Mycelium!

It can turn a stick in the mud into a fun guy or fun gal!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
My dwarf wife has been feeling a bit down lately
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jarinrud2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How are you feeling... imgur.com/4BU7b75
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend brought me a steak when I was feeling sad

It was some much needed tender-loin care.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dawinner64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Every Friday I get a feeling my wife is up to no good.

Something smells fishy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreatGreenGobbo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I'm feeling dumb today.

Must be obtuseday.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Feelings aside, it’s strictly business deer.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mi-Dixie-Rekt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me im unable to describe my feelings

Can’t say that Iβ€˜m surprised

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lunerain
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Polarase
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner

It's 90 degrees

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elegant_rose392
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I am feeling very
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/electro_spaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
He was feeling a little bit off.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you ever get the feeling of DΓ©jΓ -vu?

Do you ever get the feeling of DΓ©jΓ -vu?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AtlantaBoyz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I am a sea of feelings.

An "emocean" if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/squintsity
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a feeling this subreddit will understand this one
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iziahzay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Not feeling well

I don't want to go to school," said a son to his father.
"Why not," asked the father.
"I don't feel well."
"Where don't you feel well," the father asked.
"At school!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Not feeling too well, i’m...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adamzenh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad said the other day, when I was feeling low, 'don't worry it could be worse, you could be in a hole full of water'

I know he means well

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/danl66713
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How are you feeling?

With my fingers.

  • In memory of my late father in law.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FormedXxFreakxX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Feeling β€œexhausted”?
πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iPierre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was feeling under the weather when I got my prostate exam. When the heavy set doctor stepped out..

I said... β€œWow, that’s a meaty urologist!” πŸ˜ŽπŸ€“

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're feeling under the weather, spend a night in a smokehouse.

You'll be cured in no time.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kbdekker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Seven days without a pun, just beat my personal record. I am now feeling very..... week.
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Exercise can add years to your life. I just ran two miles and already I'm feeling

20 years older.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Had a feeling this would fit here astronomy.com/news/2019/0…
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Christyl_1018
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to find an herbal remedy to keep me from feeling rushed...

...turns out I just need more Thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m feeling a strong connection with this one
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
When ever you are feeling powerless, remember just one of you pubic hairs can shut down a Resturaunt!
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 532
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

Because he has low elf esteem.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?

Because he has low elf esteem.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?

A little shaken.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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