I canβt believe itβs not butter!
ποΈ 5k
π
οΈ Jan 21 2021
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
ποΈ 8k
π
οΈ Jan 08 2021
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I donβt believe him.
But thatβs his story, and heβs sticking to it.
ποΈ 13k
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.
There needs to be a balance.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
ποΈ 22k
π
οΈ Nov 14 2020
Canβt believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
ποΈ 58
π
οΈ Jan 24 2021
I believe I speak for almost all of us here
*Good morning
*Buenos dias
*Bonjour
*Guten Morgen
*Boungiorno
*Bom dia
*God morgon
*Selamat pagi
*Goedemorgen
*God morgen
*Dobroye utro
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 26 2021
There is a cult where they donβt believe in using coins.
Sounds like a bunch of non-cents!
ποΈ 62
π
οΈ Jan 26 2021
I canβt believe itβs not...
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Sep 21 2020
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Jan 18 2021
Does this pun believe here ?
ποΈ 8k
π
οΈ Jul 29 2020
Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me
But then I found some concrete evidence
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Jan 09 2021
I canβt believe people are still making βFriendsβ references 15 years after the show ended.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
ποΈ 172
π
οΈ Nov 13 2020
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.
You can say I'm agnocchic.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
Nobody believes me when I say I can name the prime minister of Canada
ποΈ 30
π
οΈ Jan 11 2021
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 23 2021
Can't believe 2020 is already over.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Dec 31 2020
Wow, I canβt believe I didnβt know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
ποΈ 84
π
οΈ Nov 01 2020
I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Nov 21 2020
Believe it.....
My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Jan 13 2021
Why should you never believe a clock?
It usually has second hand information
ποΈ 24
π
οΈ Nov 22 2020
Why donβt Chinese kids believe in Christmas
Because they make the toys!
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 25 2020
I canβt believe I got fired from the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off
ποΈ 111
π
οΈ Nov 17 2020
What do you call a kid that doesnβt believe in Santa Claus?
So what do you call a kid that doesnβt believe in Santa Claus?
A rebel without a Claus (insert all the groans here)
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Dec 19 2020
Iβm so glad 2020 is over, but I canβt believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, itβs twenty twenty too
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Dec 31 2020
I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet
Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks
ποΈ 38
π
οΈ Nov 16 2020
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...
Now I've really hit rock bottom.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Dec 09 2020
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely....
.....if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Dec 11 2020
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Dec 29 2020
I had a friend join at cult that believes when they die they become water vapor
I told him they will be mist
ποΈ 624
π
οΈ Sep 05 2020
After eating da ship, da sea monster said, Me canβt believe Me ate da hull fing.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Dec 02 2020
Dad: "I can't believe 2007 was 10 years ago."
Kid: "It wasn't..."
Dad: "I know. That's why I don't believe it."
ποΈ 84
π
οΈ Nov 04 2020
Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa ?
Because they're the ones who makes the toys.
ποΈ 18
π
οΈ Dec 09 2020
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet
Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Nov 29 2020
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because
that was an ice-olated incident.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Nov 05 2020
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Dec 02 2020
I canβt believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
Iβve been moving them around all day but they still say they are βOut of Orderβ
ποΈ 51
π
οΈ Oct 22 2020
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Dec 02 2020
I canβt believe somebody stole my dictionary.
Iβm at a loss for words.
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Oct 29 2020
I believe in a cosmic force...
I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Nov 27 2020
I believe y is up
ποΈ 3k
π
οΈ Jun 02 2020
I believe that Jafar will, go on.
ποΈ 23
π
οΈ Oct 20 2020
I can't believe that somebody stole my protections spells.
ποΈ 43
π
οΈ Oct 29 2020
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...
... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Nov 28 2020
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
ποΈ 65
π
οΈ Jan 16 2021
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
ποΈ 51
π
οΈ Nov 21 2020
I canβt believe
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
I canβt believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making βFriendsβ references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
ποΈ 131
π
οΈ Oct 11 2020
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker
but when I got home, all the signs were there
ποΈ 667
π
οΈ Aug 29 2020
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