I can’t believe it’s not butter!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Can’t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I believe I speak for almost all of us here

*Good morning *Buenos dias *Bonjour *Guten Morgen *Boungiorno *Bom dia *God morgon *Selamat pagi *Goedemorgen *God morgen *Dobroye utro

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
There is a cult where they don’t believe in using coins.

Sounds like a bunch of non-cents!

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WordenYarmouth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe it’s not...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?

Your buttcheeks

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TwitcherDeath07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Does this pun believe here ?
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Keyckes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me

But then I found some concrete evidence

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe people are still making β€œFriends” references 15 years after the show ended.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alterom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Nobody believes me when I say I can name the prime minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...

...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"

(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Can't believe 2020 is already over.

Feels like yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TotoBabaDonk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AliTheHigh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PlusAwe55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Believe it.....

My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/great69m
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Why should you never believe a clock?

It usually has second hand information

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shywife36
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Christmas

Because they make the toys!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffro4140
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory

All I did was take a day off

πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nandos677
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe

2020 won.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
What do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?

So what do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?

A rebel without a Claus (insert all the groans here)

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...

After all, it’s twenty twenty too

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zippy_the_dog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet

Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making β€œFriends” references.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...

Now I've really hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely....

.....if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told? /r/Jokes/comments/km3t07/…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badaloop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a friend join at cult that believes when they die they become water vapor

I told him they will be mist

πŸ‘︎ 624
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamiestonee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
After eating da ship, da sea monster said, Me can’t believe Me ate da hull fing.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: "I can't believe 2007 was 10 years ago."

Kid: "It wasn't..."

Dad: "I know. That's why I don't believe it."

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa ?

Because they're the ones who makes the toys.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet

Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucbrandon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....

Well I am.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.

(Banana for scale)

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I can’t believe somebody stole my dictionary.

I’m at a loss for words.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe in a cosmic force...

I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/staalmannen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe y is up
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I believe that Jafar will, go on.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't believe that somebody stole my protections spells.

I'm at a loss for wards.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...

... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fhogrefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

but when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 667
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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