I can’t believe it’s not butter!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2021
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I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2021
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My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/A____K
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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Can’t believe someone rubbed one off, in elevator
πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ssigea
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
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I believe I speak for almost all of us here

*Good morning *Buenos dias *Bonjour *Guten Morgen *Boungiorno *Bom dia *God morgon *Selamat pagi *Goedemorgen *God morgen *Dobroye utro

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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There is a cult where they don’t believe in using coins.

Sounds like a bunch of non-cents!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WordenYarmouth
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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I can’t believe it’s not...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Transgendercats69ing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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Can you believe that they are still together after all of the crap they have been through?

Your buttcheeks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TwitcherDeath07
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2021
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Does this pun believe here ?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Keyckes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me

But then I found some concrete evidence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2021
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I can’t believe people are still making β€œFriends” references 15 years after the show ended.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 172
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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I don't know whether dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour exists, but I'll believe it when I see it.

You can say I'm agnocchic.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/alterom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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Nobody believes me when I say I can name the prime minister of Canada

It's Trudeau.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/broken_neck_broken
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
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Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...

...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"

(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
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Can't believe 2020 is already over.

Feels like yesterday.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TotoBabaDonk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t know this sub existed. I gotta say, I am a HUGE FAN!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AliTheHigh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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I believe I have made a hum(o)rous (c)omedic joke.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PlusAwe55
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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Believe it.....

My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/great69m
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
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Why should you never believe a clock?

It usually has second hand information

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shywife36
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Christmas

Because they make the toys!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jeffro4140
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory

All I did was take a day off

πŸ‘οΈŽ 111
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nandos677
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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What do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?

So what do you call a kid that doesn’t believe in Santa Claus?

A rebel without a Claus (insert all the groans here)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/builtbybama_rolltide
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2020
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I’m so glad 2020 is over, but I can’t believe we have to go through it again after 2021...

After all, it’s twenty twenty too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zippy_the_dog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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I can't believe chickens haven't come up with a new sound yet

Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Da_Brootalz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...

Now I've really hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
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I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely....

.....if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told? /r/Jokes/comments/km3t07/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/badaloop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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I had a friend join at cult that believes when they die they become water vapor

I told him they will be mist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 624
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jamiestonee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
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After eating da ship, da sea monster said, Me can’t believe Me ate da hull fing.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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Dad: "I can't believe 2007 was 10 years ago."

Kid: "It wasn't..."

Dad: "I know. That's why I don't believe it."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2020
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Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa ?

Because they're the ones who makes the toys.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2020
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I still believe Bill Clinton's Vice President invented the internet

Why else would we use Al-Gore-Rhythms?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ucbrandon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
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The Titanic II is a modern-day replica of the RMS Titanic and is scheduled to set sail in 2022. It's creators do not believe it will relive the tragedy of it's predecessor because

that was an ice-olated incident.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2020
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People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....

Well I am.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
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I can't believe I was able to trade a piece of fruit for a measuring device.

(Banana for scale)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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I can’t believe somebody stole my dictionary.

I’m at a loss for words.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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I believe in a cosmic force...

I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/staalmannen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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I believe y is up
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Punyae3671
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2020
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I believe that Jafar will, go on.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2020
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I can't believe that somebody stole my protections spells.

I'm at a loss for wards.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 29 2020
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I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...

... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fhogrefe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
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I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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I can’t believe

2020 won.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making β€œFriends” references.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 131
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker

but when I got home, all the signs were there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 667
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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