Only to be let down by the fact that the event turned out to be two people arguing about the movie “Big.”
Because they have little antibodies
I guess that's a wait off my shoulders
I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"
On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.
...................
Punch line.
“Make queso, number one.”
Christopher Nolan's new and highly anticipated movie will be released on December 15 in blu-ray. Finally I can watch the movie at Tenet-p.
Look for the fresh prints.
Still one of my best so here's the set up.
I take my wife on a cruise for her birthday. Each night during dinner they have a section of things you would not normally try but you're on a cruise so try it. Anyway one night they had braised ox tongue. So I order it and get a side eye from the wife while doing so. It arrives and I had correctly anticipated her question. Anyway here's the conversation...
Braised ox tongue appetizer is set before me. I cut a small piece and put in it my mouth and begin to chew.
Wife: Well, how is it?!?
Me: (slowly looking up) it's... tasty.
W: Did you really order that just to make that joke?
Me: yes, yes I did.
In all actuality it was quite good.
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”
“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.
“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the Seashore.”
He yells "UNO!"
The crowd falls silent in anticipation.
"DOS!"
Everyone's eyes are wide, laser focused on the preformer.
Then, the magician vanishes... without a tres.
Anticipating nasty tweets.
People who can anticipate what people will say next.
My policy is zero taller ants.
Far as I know it hasn’t come out yet.
If it sinks it is a girl ant, if it floats it is buoyant...
I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."
"Oh my gourd-ness!"
Just thought of this as I anticipate my impending fatherhood. My high school students did not approve. Silly kids.
Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated
When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one another then back at their guide. "Trust me," he told them, "It's guaranteed or your money back." Having no plans and now both understandably intrigued, the pair agreed. When they arrived at the roller coaster, they were amazed to behold the giant steel skeleton of the most intricate ride they'd ever seen. It had loops, helixes, corkscrews and drops more terrifying than anything they'd ridden back home. The son quickly rescinded his consent and turned you guys father. "There's no way I'm getting on that thing. You go first," he said, "Then you can tell me if it's worth it." Not wanting to seem a coward, the father accepted. Stepping into the first car, he seated himself. As the attendant approached to check his shoulder restraint, her couldn't help but ask, "So how exactly am I supposed to learn an entire language from a roller coaster?" The attendant smiled and replied simply, "You'll see." Anticipation turned to unease as the cars lurched upward towards the first drop. The seconds felt like hours as the car climbed higher and higher, clicking steadily while the chain pulled it skyward. As the nose of the car tipped downward and he could see the enormous drop below, his inner fear turned verbal. Without thinking he screamed, "minä kuolen!" As he rounded the first turn and into an inverted twist, he debut another exclamation well inside and burst forth. "naida!" He screamed as the ride continued. A few minutes and many foreign-tongued exclamations later, he found himself back at the station trying to catch his breath with the smiling attendant removing his restraints. His ran up to his son and declared, "It really works! I'm not sure how, but it really works!" "How was it?" the son asked unimpressed. "It was a wild ride from start to Finnish." "The son smiled weakly. "Yeah , the cabbie stole our luggage."
So I just realized that my "epic" theatre joke is also a dadjoke.
Now this requires some explaining before I get to the joke. I just completed my 55th theatre production - mostly community theatre; most designing and running sound, but I get on stage sometimes. A decade or so ago, I came up with a terrible pun. Told it, got groans, and promptly forgot about it.
A production or two later, someone said - "Hey, aren't you going to tell your joke?" It took a little prompting to remind me of it. Once I was reminded, I told the joke - to more groans.
I enjoyed the groans so much - and was touched that someone remembered the joke that I'd forgotten. So I did decide it was going to forevermore be: THE JOKE.
So the NEXT production, I started warning people that "The Joke" was coming. One or two remembered the previous time I'd told it, and reacted - "Oh god. Please no."
So now it has truly become a thing. Every production I'm in, I start reminding people that The Joke is coming, and the reactions from those who know the joke really help set up the anticipation.
So finally it happens. Most theatre productions I've been in run Fri-Sat-Sun performances. And thus, as I explain, I can only tell The Joke after the last Friday night's performance ends, and before the last Saturday's performance begins. It shifts if the days are different because The Joke depends on the number of remaining shows.
So, finally that time period comes, and I explain that I can only tell the joke during that time period, only the once per production - from auditions to strike - and that we're in that period of time.... which is known as.... the "cancer period". AND would you like to know WHY this period of time is known as the "cancer period"?
(at which point the tension for the punchline is usually quite palpable)
"Because we have...... TUMOR!" (as I hold up two fingers).
This is usually followed by shouts to "GET OUT!" and threats of violence against my person. hehehe
And the NEXT time, when I start warning that "The Joke" is coming, most of these groan "Oh god... no...." and helps set it up for the next poor bunch of folks who haven't yet heard it. :)
My grandma gave him a bag full of Pepsi, Sprite, and Coca-Cola cans to take back to the store. He got really excited and said to me, "Wow, I can get 5 cents a pop for these!" Already anticipating this so I'll include it: Where I live, we call it pop instead of soda.
Me: "Yea, it was intense"
Dad: "Like the indians..." flahes goofy smile in anticipation for laughs
“Make queso, number one.”
