When I predict the weather,

50% of the time, I am right all the time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Your mother couldn’t believe that an actual skunk could predict the future.

But it was a real fortune smeller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b33fb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Do you know what they call the ability to predict sports scores?

ESPN.

(Credit to my husband who just laid this one on our kids and I)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theclashwasright
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I predict clocks will take over the world.

It’s only a matter of time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TedBettridge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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How can colors be used to predict the weather?

By their huemidity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coop620
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Which of the saints could predict the future?

Saint Cristobal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_thechancellor_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Ommmmm....I predict in the Middle East, there'll be one country and The Persian Gulf

Just Kuwait and sea

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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I bet my son $10 I could predict the score of the Pats-Rams game tonight before it starts, and he said you’re on.

I said, β€œit’ll be 0-0.”

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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The psychic I go to can predict what's going to happen two years from now.

He's got 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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If you could predict what scents you will smell in the future...

...you would be Nose-tradamus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ninety-five95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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I feel like I really can’t tell what’s gonna happen next year. Movies, politics, my personal life. I can’t predict anything

It’s like I don’t have 2020 vision

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cttaylor97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Whenever I ask my psychic friend to predict the future, he gets really angry.

He gets into a mean medium mode.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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I gazed at her. I predict defeat.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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Seismologists predict a 9.2 magnitude earthquake will hit the Horn of Africa region.

It will really shake Djibouti.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Historyguy1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Strange talent: I can predict the future by smell

they call me Nostrildamus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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I have a bell in the bathroom that predicts what I'm going to do in there next

I sit on the toilet, strike the bell, and it goes, "Dung!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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How do you predict climate change?

With Al-gore-rhythms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josephseddon
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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Do you think a child that can always predict whats in a gift by shaking it has

omnipresents?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2017
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Step 1: Predict the future. / Step 2: ???

Step 3: Prophet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTT_2k3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
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Went for a health checkup today and found out I have the ability to predict the future.

Doctor says I have 2020 vision.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zendathegreat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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How did the psychic golfer predict every shot?

Fore shadowing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Hear about the psychic who uses coconut trees to predict the future?

He’s a palm reader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
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In honour of Canada playing Russia in World Junior hockey this evening, I predict we will be putin on the gold medal.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SugarBear4Real
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
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Why are Jedi able to predict the future?

They have great Force-sight.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RheingoldRiver
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2012
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