With so many sporting events canceled, they’re going to televise the World Origami Championship.
A lot of people are shocked by the recent events in NASCAR
What is often characterized as a very conservative organization has taken a stance against racism. I'm not surprised at all though. To anyone who's been paying attention, from its very beginnings, NASCAR has always been veering to the left.
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.
I’m gutted I couldn’t go to the cheese tasting event this week
I heard it was a really fondue
Arguing over current events is perfectly natural, but there’s a time and a place.
It makes people uncomfortable when they see you mask debating in public.
What do you call a potato who goes to a sporting event?
Certain Olympic events should be thrown out
It's amazing how many large events have been cancelled recently.
It has been an unconventional year.
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships'
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
With so many supporting events being canceled, they're going to televise the World Origami Championships.
After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business
It was called Bruce Banisters
I'm planning a charity event for people who can't ejaculate.
Just let me know if you can't come.
The re-opening of Lego stores was a big event
Oh yeah, people were lined up for blocks
Based on real life events
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the World Origami Championship.
LEGO stores reopening will be one of the biggest events of 2020
People will be lined up for blocks
Anyone remember the first Lennox Lewis - Evander Holyfield fight? I heard it was a black tie event.
With so many sporting events being cancelled they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship...
The crossover event we’ve all been waiting for.
With so many sporting events being cancelled, they're having to televise the world origami championships.
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.
He was named Justin Case.
In light of current events, I've been doing some self reflection and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more like a German child.
Would a Speed Dating event at Hobby Lobby be called...
My daughter said the joke was cheesy and not very Gouda. :(
A conversation from today while attending a free santa picture event at my wife's workplace.
Lady- how old is your daughter?
Me - 5
Lady - when does she turn six?
Me - on her birthday
Lady (mad that she got dadded) when is her birthday?
Me - every year.
Wife and Lady both just sigh and walk away.
Sorry for format, I'm on mobile.
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was ‘in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
If reports on new events are called news
why isnt history called olds
As a chef, I often get asked questions. My friend asked me what my favourite sporting event was.
I said the Soup Herb Bowl.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
They added a new rule to all sporting events
So there was an event in my town, a big group of people stood in the queue, and at the opposite direction there was a second line, the first people from the each line would walk in the between of those and punch each other, and then the second people go and punch themselves ect. They called it a...
What event did James Chairles go to this year?
Based on true events
Worked 13 hours. Tired as hell, work bestie and I are heading back to the shop to drop the trailers and head home. This douche canoe keeps trying to cut us off, and finally my friend loses his cool and throws a cookie he’d been saving at this guys car. It lands on the windshield. Cops get involved, work bestie gets detained, I call boss and tell him what happened:
Boss: is he being charged with anything?
Me: yeah he’s being charged for assault and bakery.
Boss laughs his ass off, guy has warrants, work bestie gets arrested but not charged. Happy ending.
People love it when I come to sports events on a hot summer day. Know why?
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
In college, I took many classes on the study of past events surrounding scraps of food from a meal
I even changed my major to Ort History!
Apparently Sammy Hagar has an upcoming late night BBQ event.
It's your one way chicken to midnight.
The World Health Organization is hosting a new event to show their thoughtfulness and concern for human health
The event will be affectionately named WHO Cares
What happened when the alligator passed the event horizon?
My Canadian friend was reluctant to emcee the Young Men's Christian Association event.
His exact words were, "Why emcee, eh?"
What’s a skeletons favorite wrestling event?
At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle just below the knot.
Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"
After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"
...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).
now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!
My friend is getting famous for his hyper realistic pictures of people enjoying different sporting events.
He really knows how to draw a crowd.
Getting fire training at work and was asked what steps to take in the event of a fire.
I said BIG ONES in the opposite direction of the fire....apparently the wrong answer.
Has anyone seen Pornhub’s Bee saving event?
I know there will bee a lot of puns and will for sure create a lot of buzz
Me: You really need to watch “A series of unfortunate events.”
Her: Ok. Let me take out the wedding video.
The Queen knighted the first weather event today.
I got invited to an event with only apple apps...
There was no 3rd party...
A chiropractor’s sign at an event reads ‘free chair massage’.
“Chair massages? I would’ve brought mine in if I knew ahead of time.”
Did you know the 1936 Berlin Olympics had the 100m sprint as the only running event?
Hitler only wanted one race in Berlin
Did you miss the big black hole picture event yesterday?
Don't worry, there is another one on the horizon
Do you think geologists have an event around this time of the year called Arch Madness?
Whenever I go to a social event, I always bring a pick
What did the mushroom say to his friends when they were going to an event without him?
I'm having a charity event for people who can't reach orgasm
If you can't come let me know
I always think about getting a job estimating crowd sizes for different outdoor events.
I wonder how many people are in that field.
The baseball team were part of a charity event
but right off the bat, you could see that they weren't pitching in.
My brother after watching the winner of a women's swimming event last night
Mom: is that swimmer Russian?
Bro: well.. Not anymore, she finished
Blank stares turned to realizations and then everyone threw stuff at him
Our friends Ian and Greg are not talking to each other, so we alternately invite them to our social events.
We are on a Greg or Ian calendar.
Freestyle rap is being added as an event at the Special Olympics
It's a great way to showcase people with dis abilities.
If a Russian athlete wins in a Pyeongchang event, does that mean they're Medaling with the Olympics?
Why don't you normally see birds near the field at sporting events
Because they prefer the cheep cheap seats
Which fruit is best at organising events?
An Orange, as it can orange things pretty well.
Why don't Swedish people need to worry about security in marine events?
Because they scan the navy in
D: Son, wake up real early on your birthday. There's going to be a historic event. S. What kind of event?
D: The dawn of a new age.
I work at a shoe store and we were setting up for an event...
My co-worker turned to a veteran employee and said, “ya know, for as long as ugg has been around I’m surprised they haven’t made any uggs for dogs.”
I chuckle to myself for a few seconds and he asks, “What the hell is so funny?”
I respond in the voice of an over enthusiastic sales man, “Hello there miss, I see you’ve brought your dog in today, what size is she....K-9?”
I wish characters from Disney animation would explain current events to me.
I'd love to see Brexit Ralph.
What do drag queens wear to formal events?
Germany has never won a gold medal at a track event
Which is funny because they’re known for trying to finish a race.
I experienced a truly ground breaking event yesterday.
Even if you win a Luge event, you're still a Luger.
Why do motorized vehicles always get over traumatic events faster than everything else?
They have shock absorbers.
If the Red Cross did an orchestral fundraising event...
They could call it The Big Band Aid.
What is a melodramatic person's favorite sport event?
As we were about to leave for an event...
My sister: "I need to hurry up and go change first."
Dad: "Don't change, we like you!"
When gladiators fought lions, it was always the mane event
This incredible series of events happened yesterday...
We were in pre-service prayer time hanging out for everyone to come into the room when this conversation.
Pastor 1: "John and I were getting donuts and discussing theology..."
Pastor 2 (from another church): "glad you were having donuts, they're a holy food."
Pastor 1: "man, that joke is really sweet."
Pastor 3: "man, you guys are really on a roll."
I laughed, their were many moans and eye rolls.
Did you guys hear about the big birdwatching event tonight?
Supposedly there was a superb owl!
My dad and mom had this exchange today while watching a NASCAR event. I might have two dads.
Dad: "The Cottonelle driver's career must be in the toilet."
Cottonelle driver gets in wreck several minutes later.
Mom almost instantly: "They had better wipe up that mess."
These two were clearly made for each other.
The Times Square event organizers have a big night ahead of them...
Hope they don't drop the ball...