I told my boss, β€œSorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do kids with ADHD and anger issues not like trigonometry?

They always end up going off on a tangent.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
I've started writing songs about my attachment issues.

I'm calling it Cling Rap.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FBI_Official_Acct
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chicken with daddy issues?

Kentucky Freud Chicken

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superabuser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house

He refused

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small

It took us a while to work out a proper resolution

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faisalz8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an issue with my prostate exam...

But now the proctologist told me everything's been rectified.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wackyzebra43
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
the other night, my dad taught me his famous stew recipe. it went great, the only issue we had was with the herbs i wanted to use. he told me β€œyou’re wrong about the parsley...

but that’s okay because you’re right on thyme”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisLeePortland
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
You'd think politicians have bigger issues to tackle than housework and cleanliness.

Yet they often call for sweeping reforms.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sordidnoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do clothes go to settle their legal issues?

The shorts house

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Had a bargain on eBay today, brought a 65inch HD TV for Β£5, the only issue is the volume button doesnt work.

I thought, I cant turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrWulf360
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If anybody wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly I have back issues.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naptownfellow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was having some back issues, so I went to my Egyptian friend

He's a cairopractor

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeShashcan49
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the Norwegian flag having trust issues?

It’s been double crossed so many times.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesecakeMMXX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Contrary to common belief, racism is not a black and white issue
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/97AByss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Real Issue
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm heartbroken. The Wife broke up with me because of my chronic gambling issues.

.. Desperate to win her back.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
[At the therapist] Hulk Hogan: I struggled through a lot of mental issues during my career.

Therapist: So you could say.. you had to wrestle mania?

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Frequent diarrhea can actually be a hereditary issue

It runs in your jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tb0neguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the classical musician that had money issues?

I heard he went Baroque

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/almondjoyeee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?

Transfer them to a different branch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently I have an issue with finishing of my sentences

You can't say much when you've been to prison twice.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iseethrough1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was testing a lock which opens with a fingerprint, and trying to see how many fingerprints I could store. I've been able to store 10 fingerprints without issue

Because that's all I had on hand.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SyStRm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone asked about where to get therapy for issues with procrastination

I'll tell him later.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna start a dating site for people with serious mommy and daddy issues.

I'll call it Oedipal Arrangements.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ianmann290
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My issue with whistles!
πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildwindsurfer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the most common medical issue for swimmers?

Strokes

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife broke it off with me because of communication issues.

Does anyone want to talk to her about it?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
We’ve got a lot of issues to deal with
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnr_jinx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to get help for my mental health issues, but the guy helping me turned out to be completely crazy

He was a psycho therapist

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a tortoise has balance issues?

Tortellini

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niggety
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Wooden plumbing issues

I should have known better than to flush my wooden shoes down the toilet.

Now it's clogged. :D

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Tissues have issues and they are tearable
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RajdorUzu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I've discovered the exact process by which a woman becomes a thot, but I'm having issues explaining it.

No one can follow my thot process.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyOtaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
The issue with duck eggs.

Two farmers, Ben and Dave, are discussing their produce. Ben mentions that there has been a strange recent demand in duck eggs, and is going to begin producing them. Dave replies that he tried to produce them long ago, but had to stop due to issues with their delivery.

"What issues?" Asks Ben, with a confused expression on his face.

"They caused way too much mess in the delivery truck," Dave explains, "You'll find out soon enough, duck eggs quack really easily."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rapidToothbrush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I normally trust Benjamin Franklin’s judgement on most issues.

He’s usually on the money.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If you have an issue with your clutch...

it must really grind your gears

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedyHead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
This issue of Time has four adverts form pharma companies.

That's four too many.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hpar1
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?

They're always getting ripped off.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSharkIsBae
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is gay marriage an issue?

Some people are fucking assholes!

πŸ‘︎ 167
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shawnnerz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Dealing with son's sexuality issues..

Son: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Me: And that means you would have a male partner.

Son. Yep.

Me: Or a female partner.

Son: Yep.

Me: And that means you're bi.

Son: Yep.

Me: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Son: ..

Son: ...

Son: ..

Son: Did you just..

πŸ‘︎ 564
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ralphfaith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Alot of people say i have Trust issues

But why should i Trust them?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orkazzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps complaining about her gastro issues and being constipated.....

... I think she's full of it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingspacepanther
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish man with chronic mental health issues who manages to keep bouncing back?..

Rick O'Shea

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RaymonDGYC
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So my bro solved an audio issue on his livestream

to which i replied "that's good to hear".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyber-HeroRD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s quite common for German Shepards to develop hip issuesβ€”much to their dysplasia.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nsblues
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house.

He Refused

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dtactic
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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