This is the new number pun.
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π€︎ u/goddoctor504
π︎ Dec 08 2019
π¨︎ report
Number Pun

So my friend said he had a test with 17 questions on it. I responded, that's a odd number of questions on a test.

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π€︎ u/AppropriateTomato
π︎ Apr 09 2019
π¨︎ report
To the person that invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing.

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π€︎ u/Nav_the_gamer
π︎ Aug 19
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

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π€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
π︎ May 30
π¨︎ report
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.

The odds were against me.

π︎ 165
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π€︎ u/nnishanth
π︎ Aug 07
π¨︎ report
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I canβt tell if heβs drawing snakes, mountains, teepeeβs, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:

Clockβs a doodled doo.

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π€︎ u/StretchSmiley
π︎ Aug 26
π¨︎ report
What did number 0 say to number 8? (Howie & Aidan robot discourses, iaio #20 by how.how comics)
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π€︎ u/HowDotHow
π︎ Aug 20
π¨︎ report
What odd number is no longer odd when you remove a letter?

Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even.

Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago.

Iβve never been more proud.

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π€︎ u/platypus_eyes
π︎ Mar 31
π¨︎ report
My school going son throws a tantrum everytime I bring up maths and numbers in ordinary conversations

Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational

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π€︎ u/orschinparjin
π︎ Aug 20
π¨︎ report
Looking at a Terminix truck, the IX at the end are the roman numerals for the number nine...

Which is one more than eight. I feel this has to have been part of the name creation. βWeβll do you one better than terminate, weβll termiNINEβ.

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π︎ Aug 24
π¨︎ report
What is the number one cause of divorce in America?

Marriage.

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π€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
π︎ Jul 06
π¨︎ report
I challenged number 1 to a fight

He bought he friends 3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me.

π︎ 35
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π€︎ u/Londoner1982
π︎ Jul 11
π¨︎ report
Why canβt the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?

He is too tense.

π︎ 6
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π€︎ u/charons-voyage
π︎ Aug 14
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that hated negative numbers?

Heβd stop at nothing to stay away from them

π︎ 84
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π€︎ u/IamGrooot77
π︎ Jul 02
π¨︎ report
One of my kids ate a magnetic number off the fridge; it was the one between 1 and 3.

The doc said they would be ok βThis two shall pass.β

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π︎ Aug 22
π¨︎ report
So Poland's dealing with a surge in the number of the novel coronavirus cases. Can we say that the Winged HusSARS arrived?
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π€︎ u/Niggociable
π︎ Jul 28
π¨︎ report
My son asked me whether Ο was a rational number, even though he knows i didnt go to school...

I mean that's just not rational.

π︎ 3
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π€︎ u/HertzMcGertz
π︎ Jul 28
π¨︎ report
When I get texts from numbers I don't know.

https://imgur.com/a/x1d2zdx

π︎ 5
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π€︎ u/MattAmoroso
π︎ Aug 14
π¨︎ report
For the person who invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing.

(If this has been done, im very sorry.)

π︎ 44
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π︎ Jul 01
π¨︎ report
What is a doctor's favorite bingo number?

Benign

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π€︎ u/ruraph
π︎ Aug 08
π¨︎ report
The boomerang is Australia's number one export.

And import.

π︎ 13
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π€︎ u/Whlightning
π︎ Jul 23
π¨︎ report
Never pick a fight with numbers

They have a lot of fours.

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π€︎ u/legoatdalek
π︎ Jul 02
π¨︎ report
They also have a shipping number
π︎ 949
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π€︎ u/Jhaiden
π︎ Mar 26
π¨︎ report
Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they can't even.

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π€︎ u/SlytherRedd
π︎ Jun 20
π¨︎ report
I called the Incontinence Hotline number.

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π€︎ u/Rav4xle
π︎ Jun 29
π¨︎ report
Can't wait for this travel ban to lift. Prague would be my number one choice..

.. Dying to Czech it out

π︎ 12
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π€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
π︎ Jul 04
π¨︎ report
What was the number one drug prescribed by psychiatrists in 2020?

Enemas, people needed to just let some shit go.

π︎ 6
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π€︎ u/chrono_bound20xx
π︎ Jul 29
π¨︎ report
My son asked me if i could count numbers in German.

I told him 9

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π€︎ u/Slymood
π︎ Jun 25
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?

Hell stop at nothing to avoid them

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π€︎ u/pakistani_pizza
π︎ Jul 23
π¨︎ report
Numbers
π︎ 161
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π€︎ u/AMswag123
π︎ Apr 17
π¨︎ report
All the numbers had a race...

Do you who came first? The first number. He one.

π︎ 4
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π€︎ u/iliveinyreyes
π︎ Jul 23
π¨︎ report
What do you call the number 8 in a concert hall?

An operate!

π︎ 2
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π€︎ u/EpicApollo
π︎ Jul 30
π¨︎ report
I donβt usually make puns about dividing numbers...

But I will make one if I halve two.

π︎ 33
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π€︎ u/FinalCaveat
π︎ Jun 23
π¨︎ report
I found a phone number where if you call it, it gives you a famous movie line

So call this number, and get your free quote today

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π︎ Jul 08
π¨︎ report
Why arenβt there lowercase numbers?

Because they are the language of capitalism.

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π€︎ u/Blarty97
π︎ Jul 10
π¨︎ report
Why do teenage girls only hang around in groups of odd numbers?

Because OMG they canβt even.

π︎ 497
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π€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
π︎ Apr 13
π¨︎ report
I asked a German girl for her number and I'm still waiting for the rest of the numbers

So far all I have is 9.

π︎ 1k
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π€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
π︎ Mar 06
π¨︎ report
What's the dumbest number?

One, because one never knows

π︎ 7
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π€︎ u/isura_san
π︎ Jun 30
π¨︎ report
People say "age" is a number

when clearly, it's a word.

π︎ 7
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π︎ Jul 09
π¨︎ report
I gave my number to a pirate once.

I'm getting sick of all the booty calls

π︎ 12
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π€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
π︎ May 25
π¨︎ report
I can list every single number that's in Pi.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.

π︎ 108
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π€︎ u/OvertCinnamon
π︎ Apr 17
π¨︎ report
The number-one-selling brand of tea among US police officers is called βTallyβ

Police brew Tally tea.

π︎ 21
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π€︎ u/skepticCanary
π︎ Jun 14
π¨︎ report
Linkin Park have a song called Numb, but to me their In The End is Number song

It starts with 1

π︎ 2
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π€︎ u/arifshiddiq
π︎ Jul 11
π¨︎ report
Where do numbers from 50-59 go after their death?

57

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π€︎ u/Nnntridib
π︎ Jun 06
π¨︎ report
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers!!

What are the odds?

π︎ 15
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π€︎ u/RayInRed
π︎ May 22
π¨︎ report
βDue to the rising number of dolphin attacks, weβve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.β

βWe hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.β

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π€︎ u/okaypuck
π︎ Jun 20
π¨︎ report
A number 6 large1
π︎ 143
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π€︎ u/jebbaok
π︎ Mar 29
π¨︎ report
Why do teenage girls always walk in odd numbers

Cuz they like canβt even

π︎ 84
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π€︎ u/nikolas306736
π︎ Apr 20
π¨︎ report
Most puns make me feel numb. But mathematics puns make me feel number.
π︎ 79
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π€︎ u/VonSwab
π︎ Mar 14
π¨︎ report
In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.

I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.

π︎ 128
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π€︎ u/poison_us
π︎ Apr 26
π¨︎ report
It really annoys me when people say that age is just a number

Age is clearly a word

π︎ 52
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π€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
π︎ Jun 01
π¨︎ report
What number can fly like a bird?

Two can!!!

π︎ 18
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π€︎ u/RSGaming0416
π︎ Jun 09
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician whoβs afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

π︎ 54
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π€︎ u/IveyRoney
π︎ Apr 29
π¨︎ report
Why should the number 288 never be mentioned ?

It's two gross

π︎ 3
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π€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
π︎ Jun 08
π¨︎ report
Last night I got beat up by the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.

I guess the odds were against me.

π︎ 28
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π€︎ u/Nathan_Atwater
π︎ Apr 15
π¨︎ report
What number is playing sports?

Ten is πΎπΎπΎ

π︎ 12
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π€︎ u/RSGaming0416
π︎ Jun 05
π¨︎ report
My math teacher walked into the classroom, wrote a tiny number "7" on the board, then walked back out again.

I thought, that's a little odd.

π︎ 8
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π€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
π︎ May 20
π¨︎ report
While most puns make me feel numb, mathematics puns make me feel number.
π︎ 51
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π€︎ u/mutedloquacity
π︎ Apr 02
π¨︎ report
What number is a sport?

Ten is

π︎ 182
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π€︎ u/topknottington
π︎ Mar 01
π¨︎ report
I can't believe the sheer number of people who do not understand erectile dysfunction...

It's not that hard!

π︎ 47
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π€︎ u/kdryan1
π︎ Apr 06
π¨︎ report
The number "eight" starts with an E.

But if you spelled it with an A, it'd be aight.

π︎ 5k
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π€︎ u/sdneidich
π︎ Aug 31 2019
π¨︎ report
What is Hitlers favourite number?

Nein

π︎ 3
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π€︎ u/rasalghularz
π︎ Apr 20
π¨︎ report
An old guy was confused and called me with the wrong number, so as a joke I gave him my brother's number. He called my brother, who ingeniously played the joke back and gave him my number. After the old guy dialed me again, my wife asked, "Who called?"

A boomer rang.

π︎ 8
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π€︎ u/PrimeMvr
π︎ May 26
π¨︎ report
If number 666 is evil,

then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.

π︎ 7k
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π︎ Sep 04 2019
π¨︎ report
How do you make the number one disappear?

You just add a G, and itβs gone.

π︎ 90
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π€︎ u/harlienx900
π︎ Mar 04
π¨︎ report
All the other numbers didn't like the first integer lower than 0.

He was a negative one.

π︎ 2
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π︎ May 31
π¨︎ report
I like to leave the volume on prime numbers only.

Itβs pretty odd, I know.

π︎ 5
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π€︎ u/johnnykonava
π︎ May 09
π¨︎ report
Puns leave me numb. Mathematical puns leave me number.
π︎ 7k
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π€︎ u/xjohnnyxleex
π︎ Sep 02 2019
π¨︎ report
Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasnβt it?

π︎ 35
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π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Apr 14
π¨︎ report
Of 1000 and 69, which the naughtier number?

1000, because it has 3 zeros.

π︎ 2
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π€︎ u/ohrules
π︎ Apr 14
π¨︎ report
Me (at the numbers store): βCan I please purchase all of these averages?β

Admittedly a median joke, at best.

π︎ 5
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π€︎ u/pj566
π︎ May 18
π¨︎ report
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though

They got it right off the bat

π︎ 23
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π€︎ u/m3m3sRc00l420
π︎ Apr 29
π¨︎ report
Iβve actually got quite a number of math jokes.

I can count them all if youβd like.

π︎ 2
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π€︎ u/joelkeys0519
π︎ May 19
π¨︎ report
I don't understand all this hate towards non traditional number systems

I for 1, love Roman numerals.

π︎ 30
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π€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
π︎ Mar 31
π¨︎ report
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.

Her job performance was de-creasing.

π︎ 2
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π€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
π︎ May 14
π¨︎ report
Congress just passed legislation limiting the number of hats an individual may own.

They put a cap on it.

π︎ 6
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π€︎ u/Talon184
π︎ Apr 24
π¨︎ report
Today I learned Tessarakontadyochilexintaphobia is the fear of the number 42069.

Nice.

π︎ 8
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π€︎ u/the_neverlander
π︎ Apr 23
π¨︎ report
Why couldn't the number 3 cross the border?

No trespassing

π︎ 97
π¬︎
π︎ Feb 24
π¨︎ report
Pulled this one on a wrong number today.

Wrong number lady: "I'm looking for a, uh, Victor?"

Me: "Nice, wha'd I win?"

WNL: (audible confusion and realization)

π︎ 3
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π€︎ u/CebidaeForeplay
π︎ Apr 24
π¨︎ report
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.
π︎ 38
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π€︎ u/m8tt_4
π︎ Jan 19
π¨︎ report
I hate it when people say age is only a number

Age is clearly a word

π︎ 8k
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π€︎ u/Degtyrev
π︎ May 22 2019
π¨︎ report
I asked a german girl for her phone number. She only gave me one digit though.

9

π︎ 76
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π€︎ u/HOM51
π︎ Feb 06
π¨︎ report
Man: Can I have a number 4 with cheese?

Librarian: Sir, This is a library

Man: Oh, right. Sorry.

Man: (whispers)Can I please have a number 4 with cheese?

π︎ 18
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π€︎ u/dmanrules4ever
π︎ Mar 01
π¨︎ report
Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.

Dark, isnβt it?

π︎ 10k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Feb 25 2019
π¨︎ report
I'm tired of hearing people say that age is just a number

When it's clearly a word!

π︎ 95
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π€︎ u/GioPeyo
π︎ Jan 13
π¨︎ report
I challenged number 1 to a fight, but he bought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9

The odds were against me

π︎ 740
π¬︎
π€︎ u/fl1ppp3rs
π︎ Aug 27 2019
π¨︎ report
What even number becomes odd when you remove a letter?

SIX! If you remove the S you are left with IX, which is nine in roman numerals

π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/GiceVE
π︎ Mar 31
π¨︎ report
The Loneliest Number
π︎ 160
π¬︎
π€︎ u/YouKnowYoohoo
π︎ Oct 20 2019
π¨︎ report
My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she is up to now.

π︎ 9k
π¬︎
π€︎ u/porichoygupto
π︎ Feb 09 2019
π¨︎ report
I finally managed to genetically combine the number 6 with the letter S.

My experiment was a complete six-s!

π︎ 21
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π€︎ u/KubosKube
π︎ Mar 03
π¨︎ report
When they crunch the numbers, shouldnβt they get smaller?
π︎ 6
π¬︎
π€︎ u/DavidBlackledge
π︎ Feb 05
π¨︎ report
Someone told me my favorite number was 3

I replied with βNot evenβ

π︎ 7
π¬︎
π€︎ u/PolarX666
π︎ Feb 02
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers ?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

π︎ 127
π¬︎
π€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
π︎ Feb 24
π¨︎ report
Did you hear about the mathematician that was afraid of negative numbers?

Heβll stop at nothing to avoid them.

π︎ 17
π¬︎
π€︎ u/cheeese9
π︎ Apr 28
π¨︎ report