A horse broke into my room while I was asleep.
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
I fell asleep before New Years
Then Woke up in another year
Why does my motorcycle keep falling asleep?
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
My toes fell asleep after I wore shoes that were too small
My tape measure fell asleep
I found it very inch-resting
I fell asleep last night while reading some old magazines.
I woke up with back issues.
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
Why couldn't Jeff Bezos fall asleep?
He didn't have his pajamazon
I was watching a series about crushed tomatoes but I fell asleep.
Now I have to ketchup.
edit: my boyfriend is incredibly proud of his joke so this became my first reddit post
I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep.
Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.
I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night.
I woke up with the hare standing on the back of my neck.
What do you get when your foot falls asleep?
Why do spies keep working even when they're asleep ?
My dog fell asleep on my copy of the screenplay for Dodgeball...
It's a true underdog story.
I fell asleep in the cab and later I woke up with my liver missing
I'm starting to think that the driver who said he'll "deliver me" was a bit shady.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
My butt fell asleep during a meeting today.
Now it’s going to be up all night.
"How long were you asleep last night?" asked my therapist, assessing my face.
"Same as usual," I replied. "About five foot ten."
I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.
I can't believe I fell asleep at the wheel.
I'm not hurt, but my pottery is ruined
Trying to fall asleep a few nights ago, I asked my wife, "If you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?"
She said, "Cats. They check all my boxes." We let that sink in before we both started laughing.
I almost fell asleep at the tire shop
So today I fell asleep on the toilet and my two sons love to pretend they are cowboys they saw I was asleep and they put something on my head
When I woke up I realized that there was a bounty on my head
Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
Is scrolling through Reddit on your phone making you fall asleep?
My kid takes melatonin to help him fall asleep ...
I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep
or if you operated on the right patient.
My wife says she can't fall asleep after drinking coffee. For me I will the opposite...
...I can't drink coffee after I fall asleep.
Only part of my leg fell asleep but it's been asleep a long time
While my kids were colouring with markers I fell asleep on the couch. The little buggers thought it would be funny to draw all over my face to make me look like "the devil". I woke up and went to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping & didn't realise what had happened until I got home.
If you took all the people in the world who fall asleep during church, and laid them head to toe in a straight line
They’d all be a lot more comfortable
Mods are asleep, upvote perfectly cut screen
Someone got trolleyed last night, fell asleep outside my house, and can't stand up
All the members of Greenday have fallen asleep
Remind me to wake them up when September ends
A farmer’s convict son was supposed to be helping him with the chores. When he looked behind the barn, his son was asleep on the hay.
What condition are your toes in when your feet fall asleep?
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
If you see some cows asleep in a field...
Darn! My leg fell asleep...
...it is going to be up all night.
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