A bulldozer.
OniYawn π§ π₯±
A car.
The Nap-kin.
Everest
He was Biden his time.
When you're in the army there's only one thing that can knock you out cold. That's when you dress up in all camouflage and run a full mile. We call that Chamomile.
A snooze.
... and now Pluto.
My son woke me up early Saturday to show me a picture heβd drawn of a cross.
Me (half asleep): Awesome job! Looks great.
Son: Thanks! Itβs not just a cross, you know...
Me: Is it also down?
His confusion and delayed groan was music to my ears as I fell back to sleep.
We are both laying on her bed when she tells me "you took all my sheets"
I responded "I don't give a sheet" The disappointment on her face was priceless
A Dinosnore!
Dad: "What's that chemical in turkey that makes you sleepy, again?"
Me: "L-Tryptophan"
Dad: "El what? I didn't ask for the Spanish word for it."
Because there two tired!
My father says then when ever he's tired.
Extremely positive. The most positive, in fact. Everybodyβs talking about it. Itβs yuuuge. Nobodyβs seen anything like it. Sleepy joe never wouldβve been able to pull this off.
Overheard this conversation while my wife was getting our daughter ready for bed:
Wife: Alright sweetie, time for bed Daughter: Ok, I'm so sleepy Wife: I am too Daughter: NO, I AM TWO!
The other driver got out of his car, and turns out he was a dwarf. He ran up to me and exclaimed "I'm not happy!"
So I said, "Well, which one are you then?"
Tired.
Sleepy.
I was on my honeymoon last week, and my wife was getting Snow White's signature.
Snow White: Did you get her ring from Grumpy or Sleepy?
Me: Grumpy. I traded him a case of beer for it.
Snow White: Oh, Grumpy can't have that stuff. He's a miner.
Where are the Disney dad jokes?
BACKGROUND: I'm a sleep technologist and there's an intercom connecting my office to the patients' rooms. They call out when they need something (eg. blanket, bathroom visit, etc.)
Patient calls out, "Hey, what time is it out there?" so I replied "Probably the same time it is in there, why?"
The patient was too sleepy to be amused but it made me laugh.
I'm an adult now, I can't keep on calling it sleepy snoozies time.
Girlfriend: "Hey I'm getting sleepy" Me: "Is he with Snow White again?"
The face palm was very real.
Her name is Tori and it was around her nap time so I asked her: "Are you sleepy?" and she responded, "No, I'm Tori!"
A coworker was looking through our tea selection at work and said "I could really go for some sleepy time tea right now, too bad we don't have any at the office."
To which, I replied, "Why would our office stock sleepy time tea? We might as well just have unproductivi-tea."
He just shook his head in disapproval.
all the 7 dwarfs were having a bath together but they all started to feel sleepy.... so he got out
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He
... keep reading on reddit β‘Om nom nom puns - They're delicious!
What do you...
- ...call a cook-book? Omnomnibus
- ...say after dinner? Omnomcomplete
- ...if you're still hungry? Omnommorenomming
- ...call a hungry, sleepy person? Insomnomnomniac
- ...call a hungry god? Omnomnimpotent
- ...call a food-related sign? An omnom omen
- ...call our species? Omnomnivores
- ...call a delicious fried egg? Omnomelet
Can you (b)eat them?
My sister and I are watching the Australia-Netherlands WC game and she suddenly asks,
Sister: What's the capital of Netherlands? Me: Amsterdam. Sister: Hungary? Me: Starving.
It's half past one and my sleepy self is so proud of myself.
