Why did the keyboard not get any sleep?...
Because it has two shifts.
(hAH)
π︎ 47
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
Old Jed Clampett (Beverly Hillbillies) got in an accident that left him with a glass eye. It was uncomfortable to sleep in over night so he took it out and hired a servant to watch it.
It was his Jed Eye Master.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
Where did the banana sleep?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
β
My 9yr old son just told me this π€ͺ
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
What happens when CIA goes to sleep?
π︎ 33
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
Have you heard about the child abductor that sleeps alot?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Do you know why keyboards don't get sleep....
Cos they have 2 shifts...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
How do you put baby alien to sleep ?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Why did the bicycle go to sleep ?
π︎ 40
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Stop talking in sleep
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 06 2020
Where do grizzlies sleep?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.
Apparently its because her hips donβt lie
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
What do you call a Jedi that can't get to sleep?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out.
π︎ 204
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
When you hit the pillow to go to sleep
It's like a portal to another REM.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because theyβre always undercover.
π︎ 159
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Campers are so passionate about where they sleep outside.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Where do flowers sleep?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
What does James Bond do before he goes to sleep?
π︎ 195
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Talking in his sleep is a hobbit
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
Who tucked King Tut to sleep?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
How does oneβs height affect their sleep?
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
What do you call a sleep walking nun?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
Did you know a keyboard never sleeps?
It's because it has two shifts.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
If you poop in your sleep
π︎ 35
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
My doctor told me that a blindfold might help me sleep, but I donβt know.
I canβt see myself wearing it.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
For me, the urge to sing βThe Lion Sleeps Tonightβ is always just a whim away...
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
My grandma died peacefully in her sleep...
...unlike the rest of the people in the car who probably died screaming, βIrene! Irene! Wake up! Wake Up!!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
What type of tissue can you sleep on?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
What do Geologists sleep on?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
What did the lawyer say when he put his luggage to sleep?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
Jeff Bezos can't sleep
until he puts his pajamazon.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
I sent my daughter to prison because she didn't want to sleep
π︎ 32
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
If a child refuses to sleep during nap time,
are they guilty of resisting a rest?
π︎ 92
π
︎ Aug 27 2020
Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".
That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
Where do Lycans go to sleep?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
I finally got 8 hours of sleep!
It took 3 days, but whatever.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
As a journalist I only sleep on corduroy pillows.
That way I always wake up with headlines βπ»
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I woke up at 3 in the morning, made this, and fell back to sleep.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
No matter how stressful my day is, I always sleep like a baby.
I crap myself and wake up crying at least once each night.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
π︎ 20
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
When I die, I want to go out peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...
Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
How do astronaut parents soothe their baby to sleep?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 07 2020
Why does a keyboard never sleep?
π︎ 108
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
I came so close to singing "the lion sleeps tonight"
I was only a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
