I hope this is not a bed pun
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurisucx
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Wonder Woman do before she goes to bed?

She puts her pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 450
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pappajay2001
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed bouncier?

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itz_timu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Seven dwarves were all in bed, feeling Happy.

When Happy got out, they all felt Grumpy !!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
Last night as I lay in bed staring at the stars I thought to myself

Where the heck is the ceiling?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?

He goes under cover

πŸ‘︎ 560
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notsonog23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

By adding spring water!

πŸ‘︎ 612
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddudzi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make your water bed bouncy?

Add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?

I said β€œIt’s pasture bedtime”.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed

Why did the tree moo?

Because there was a cow stuck in it!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..

I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBadMerman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What was Pinocchio doing in bed?

Lying.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomSFox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was laying in bed last night, looking up at the stars.

Then I realised. Where the f*** is my roof?

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Every dad going to bed after midnight:

Come on, honey. We haven't done it all year!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DINC44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What does a CIA agent do when he goes to bed ?

He goes undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I should've gone to bed at least 30 minutes ago...

But I suppose everybody's hindsight is 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FieryFruitcake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What do gingerbread men put on their beds?

Cookie sheets!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kv0thesixstring
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,

Does that mean you're under a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Br4ve_He4rt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If a child is refusing to go to bed

Are they resisting a rest?

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the Gingerbread Man use to make his bed?

Cookie sheets

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed?

He puts his pajamazon

πŸ‘︎ 282
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ace1986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What bed time story is a favourite among all trees?

Little red riding wood

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bunion_ring
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
what happens when "N" goes to bed?

Z

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wesamzxc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Turn your sofa into a sofa bed immediately....

....by forgetting your wife's birthday.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?

An undercover cop.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new bed last week

I sleep so much bedder now

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me when I thought I was going to get out of bed

Told her I would sleep on it

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I read that Shakira struggles to sleep and get comfortable in bed.

Apparently its because her hips don’t lie

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Folically-endowed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug?

It's having babies in the spring.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed

I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to read my dictionary in bed last night, but I didn't finish it.

I got up to P.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Before we go to bed, my wife always recites the members of the round table..

Knight after Knight.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug??

She’s going to have her baby in the spring!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A Bull and a cow were getting ready for bed.

The bull insistent on having sex until the female cow replied.

β€œ Honey I’m not in the moood.”

I uh I’m gonna go now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShapehalloween
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What dose a spy do before bed

They go under-cover

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bassman2345
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do classical musicians like to read in bed?

Sheet music

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add Spring Water.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiveNatty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make water bed more bouncy

By adding spring water.

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 434
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a water bed more bouncy

You add spring water

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riversbenjamin5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning after waking up, the first thing I do is make my bed.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

πŸ‘︎ 423
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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