Me and my friends are in a band called Duvet...

We’re a cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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My girlfriend said that quilts are better than duvets..

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhSparaGus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Has anyone heard "Duvet Know it's Christmas?"

It's a cover version.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwinterbottom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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My friend recently started a band called duvet.

They only play covers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Duvet

This year I'm releasing a Christmas record called Duvet Know it's Christmas?

It's a cover.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickglfc1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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Unfortunately, my child was conceived as me and my husband had sex under a goose-feather duvet...

So he was born with down syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moby__dick
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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I love the 2003 version of Duvet Know It's Christmas.

It's one of my favourite covers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.

But I will recover.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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Dad joked my fiancΓ©e while mattress shopping

Yesterday, we went mattress shopping and ended up buying the second or third bed we laid on. In the car on the way back, I told her "That could have been a hasty decision, we should have slept on it first."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylizzzle628
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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Getting the bedding down

So, short version of a long story... We lost our home in the Paradise, CA Camp Fire Nov 8, 2018. My wife was on the phone with our daughter who is in college, discussing new bedding for the new house.

They had been at it for quite a while, when I said, "Duvet have anything you like? It would be a sham if they didn't..."

Silence on the phone, then, "dad, just stop."

"Ok," I said, "Just get everything down that you like."

Sigh....

One of my better moments as a dad!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Divinepyramid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Pillowcases

I recently purchased a new bed and had the joy of trying to find all the necessary accessories for a California King bed. After spending a full Sunday with my girlfriend bouncing around different home stores, we finally have all the sheets, duvet covers and bed skirts we need. We've assembled our new frame and I start putting the bedding on our mattress. I'm struggling with getting everything put on and call out, "uh oh, I think we got some phony pillow cases."

Fear and anxiety paint her face as she rushes over and asks "what's wrong?!"

I quip back at her, "yeah, this thing is a sham!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/payne_train
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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Dad joked my friend on Skype by video call.

I was talking to a friend on Skype; at one point, I realised that I had to go to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back, I have to pee," I said.

"All right sure," she replied.

When I left, I put my laptop on the floor, the screen facing upwards, so as to avoid the ventilator being drowned by my duvet.

When I returned, I realised the webcam was pointing toward the ceiling, and I asked her:

"Did you find my ceiling interesting?"'

"Nah, I was looking at something else,"

And then, I saw my chance. It was glorious. Like golden wings borne on scarlet sunlight had brought me to Enlightenment, and I instantly replied with what is perhaps my greatest feat of pun yet:

"You know, that really hurts my ceilings."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exterrobang
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
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Man dad-joked newspaper

Source - Pic Abridged version:

A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.

Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.

"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.

"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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Godfather dad Joke

My buddy and I brought in pizza from Godfather's Pizza this past weekend. We walked into his cluttered studio apartment with the pizza and some beers and I looked around for a place to put the pie.

His kitchen table had no room; neither did his coffee table. When I asked him where I should put it he told me just to set it down on top of his bed while we made space.

"Are you sure you want me to put it there?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's the big deal?"

"You want me to put the pizza on this - the duvet of my daughter's bedding?"

I could hear Brando groaning from beyond the grave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goontownpopyou
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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My wife says quilts are better than duvets.

I told her she should be careful making blanket statements like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My wife said that duvet is better than all quilts.

I told her to quit making blanket statements like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnGrifRBGH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My friends and I started a band called Duvet !

It's a cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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My friends and I have named our band β€œDuvet”

It’s a cover band

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlashHash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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My friend recently started a band called duvet.

They only play covers.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickl444
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Me and my friends are in a band called β€œDuvet”…

We’re a cover band.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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