I've started a new band called "Blanket'

We're a cover band

πŸ‘︎ 985
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?

I did because I put it on sleep mode.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Why did the kid wrap all his books in a blanket?

So that he could cover the entire syllabus.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anay28
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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What do you call a blessed blanket?

Holy sheet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

β€œOh sheet.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fujfuj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.

This is a most heavy decision.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Son: Dad, do you have another blanket by you? I’m cold

Dad: Go stand in the corner son, it’s 90Β° over there

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedhubbert88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I get a little shady when I'm in blankets.

Shhh. I'm undercover

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HistorysWitness
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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What did the blanket said when it fell of the bed?

"Oh sheet"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Benzi13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon but delivery took forever...

She says it was worth the weight.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creativedamages
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I used to hate the electric blanket

But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatostomach
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graceful_ox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What kind of blanket has the most patience?

A weighted blanket.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Novainferno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A man started wearing a blanket to the office

His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.

But I will recover.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lokimonoxide
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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It was fun being a spy til they put me in a windy city with only a blanket for camouflage

My cover was blown constantly

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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last night, my wife dramatically ripped the blankets off me

Don’t worry i’ll recover

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoldMeDownSanta
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...

It was a bum wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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I put a blanket on a small pepper

He said he felt a little chili

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatMarx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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Prosecutor: "In the case of who illegally made a blanket out of patches,

we call the defendant quilty"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterRoar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out

I'm down

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torgor_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?

He never recovered

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealismBigBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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Last night, my girlfriend dramatically ripped the blankets off me...

Don’t worry I’ll recover.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered all my blankets were missing.

I was scared sheetless.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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I woke up in the middle of the night and freaked out when I noticed all the blankets on my bed were missing.

I was scared sheetless.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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"I'm going undercover" is such a blanket statement.

Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps...

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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My dad just handed me a pig in a blanket Dad: Would you care for one of these

Me: Only if it needed me..

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevilDobby
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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It’s a security blanket.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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If you say something in bed, is it a blanket statement
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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TIL Pigs in a blanket was invented in Alabama.

We know this because they are in bread.

Hopefully you all like this better than when I shared on r/jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RomeoFour8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I only have a few hours to finish weaving this blanket.

It's a looming deadline.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Last night my bf asked me to hand him the blankets...

As I pulled the comforter over him I said, "I got you covered."

I proceeded to laugh for 1 solid minute, he did NOT think it was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2015
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Mommy, daddy and little lion are having a picnic. As soon as they've taken seat on their blanket, little lion wants to start eating. "Hold on," says daddy lion.

"We first need to prey."

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vartha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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To make a blanket statement about pop music...

Covers are good sheet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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To refer to all women as bitches isn't just a blanket statement, it's a broad generalization
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddydomino
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2017
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What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?

Comforter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydrent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

OH SHEET

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ardior
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brokenjuicebox
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobertHamburgers
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed ?

Oh sheet

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Btgood52
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh Sheet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

"Oh sheet!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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