Back in my day, we used to cough to cover up a fart.

But nowadays, with Covid, you fart to cover up a cough.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Remember the band that did that rock cover of β€œwalk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?

Pharaohsmith.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.

Gonna call it Poi, Son.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jarofcomics77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.

They call themselves Ban Jovi.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manly-Stanley
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...

Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches you’ve never heard of but need to try
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rosieSpose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of entering a talent show. I have two ideas for my act. Either a Blues Traveler cover band, or an impression of Richard Nixon.

I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epitomizer1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call things that are said under the covers?

Blanket statements

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forestdragon04
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?

They call themselves Squished Squash!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VerbalAcrobatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Duck and Cover!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffbrownnoho
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...

She said β€œwhat are you doing? What is that noise?” I said β€œI’ve been screwing around behind your back.” She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.

I found it way more entertaining then she did.

πŸ‘︎ 258
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthritictongue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye

The doctors called it eyeLEDs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TestSubject_02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graceful_ox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do the words on the front cover of a book lord it over the words on the back cover so much?

They have a strong sense of entitlement.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timoteostewart
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.

It's a running gag.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spar_wors
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently received a book with β€œdo not read until the year 2030” written on the cover

But that’s a story for another time

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m starting an all male cover band of an all female country band.

We are... The Chickse Dicks!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_guy_guy_one
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're looking for a lead singer for your wham cover band

I'm your man

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey pal, why won’t you cover your face while you’re in public?

I masking for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tietjen1209
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of starting a new website, exclusively so people can subscribe to Ninja Sex Party cover bands.

It's called OnlyDans.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoShizzity
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad always used to say " you should never judge a book by its cover"

And its for that reason, that he lost his job as chairman of the British Book Cover Awards panel

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shoaibnasiri
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My new favorite cover band?

Panic! At the Costco

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJohns9316
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new Fab-Four cover band - The Eetles.. Biggest difference?

"Let'r Be"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the queen cover band consisting of ducks?

They do most queen songs but they don't quack under pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Bret Michaels is releasing a new album of Zeppelin covers...

...working title is "Led Poisoning"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RSS24
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife traumatically removed the covers from me last night

But I think I will recover

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GOATGAMER999
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
How do hobbits cover their food?

With Sauron wrap

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlibMyWib
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
DUCK AND COVER!!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheReaper22YT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the chemical composition of snow changes from "H2O" to "Ba" when it covers your car?

Because it barium

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Haze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A band should do a cover of The Knacks song My Sharona and call it My Corona.

It would be sick.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ffr0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...

"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy627
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Who's the best at installing covers for the instrument panels in automobiles

The Car Dashians.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H-DaneelOlivaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A policeman accidentally arrested a judge who had dressed as a convict for a costume party. That cop learned never to book a judge by his cover.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to create a Pink Floyd album cover out of cereal.

I think I’ll call it the dark side of the spoon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_normski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
what did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?

That's just grate.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Back in my day, you used to cough to cover up a fart

Now with Covid-19, you fart to cover up a cough

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bearwrestler13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!

It's my last resort!

Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I put superglue on the cover of my daughter's Frozen DVD

Now she just can't let it go

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nego10
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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