Warning: when you host a lobster race, all shell can break loose
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maddawg90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
You would think that a Snail without a shell would move that bit faster ?

But it's actually more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But no, it only made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notaninfringement
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
You know where I should put those sea shells I found at the beach?

On the shellf.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Egg: If you take me seriously, you'll leave my shell intact and not remove my whites. Me: *Breaks Egg and removes whites*

Egg: Am I a yolk to you?

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goddred
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Do you wanna know why people with shell fish allergies can’t be body builders?

Because they can’t have mussels.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
When you’re having one shell of a day
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allisburning
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the fish inspector approve the clam's new shell?

Because.....

It wasn't a-fish-shell

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/voidtype
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
I try to take my mermaid friends out of Atlantis every now and then to explore the coral reefs, wreckages and collect some shells, but they hesitate to do so...

I think they're a bit shellf conchess

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaverickCS5
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Shell yeah
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of nut doesn't have a shell

Donuts

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightHawk37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.

"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"

A shepherds spy.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
My snail was losing in races, so I tried taking his shell off.

But it just made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oheligud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Felt bad for that garden snail after he lost his shell..

Poor guy has been sluggish ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Me and my mother-in-law's relationship in a nut shell.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/usdsquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything it made him more sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trispir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my snails' shells off and told them to fight

It was a real slugfest!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
The snail left his shell at home.

He was feeling sluggish the rest of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
Me in a nut shell,
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan-555-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
It's time to shell-ebrate!
πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's this sub in a nut shell
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pud3000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm a shell of a man

Snail slides into a Tesla dealership after seeing Elon Musk on TV. Inches his way up to a salesperson. Snail asks to go on a test drive, the sales person shrugs, says sure, why not. It's been a slow day.

After it's over, snail is impressed. "I gotta get one of these!

Saleswoman asks if he can afford it. He is, after all, a snail. Snail retreats into his shell comes out with a wad of cash, the exact amount for the car.

"Yeah lady, I can pay! Can I get it customized?"

The woman says of course, but it'll cost more. Snail whips out more dough.

Snail says "Paint it with pink S's all over the vehicle!"

The saleswoman says sure and asks why.

The snail says "When I'm driving around, I want people to say 'WOW! Look at that fast, pink electric S-car go!'"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I saw a group of snails take off their shells and fight with each other.

It was a real slugfest.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Snails don't move any faster if you remove their shells.

In fact, they become more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 221
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brizzo7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My mother has a beautifully arranged shell-f at her home.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ostrantula
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You'd think snails would be faster without their shells

but it turns out they're actually more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doctajonez_uk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Shell phone
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSmorely
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My turtle was upset.. he couldnt afford the new shell-phone
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smilingball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster...

Just made it a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was talking about how he found a box of shotgun shells in his desk

I asked him if he could hear the ocean in them

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nessnesn64
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Just a mermaid talking on her shell phone.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xiams
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A met a snail who had its shell removed

He said he felt a bit sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwnShallot2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Shell of a time
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Honey, our relationship can't go on if you just close yourself into a shell.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hpar1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought a snail would be faster without it's shell but actually it is quite sluggish

high quality

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrdonut0w0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
This made me laugh a shell of a lot
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkcriticaler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Shells
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/someone56409
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone told me that if you hold a Shell up you can hear the sea.

All I got was 6 years for armed robbery

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell

You can hear the SΓ­.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I wanted to see if my snail would move faster without the it's shell

but it wasn't any less sluggish then before.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gnhhjmmnnbggh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrlaltdelmarva
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do mermaids wear sea-shells?

Because B-shells are too small and D-shells are too big.

πŸ‘︎ 637
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Two peanuts were waking down the street, one was wrapped in its shell

The other was a salted..

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsBenjiiii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my pet snail to see if it would move faster

But it just ended up being more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeme13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she outgrew B shells..

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my pet snail to make him go faster

But now he’s even more sluggish than before

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpittingCake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazon is selling oysters on the half shell (144 per case). That’s just gross.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sights_of_the_sun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?

They’re too corny

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2xj59ae
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
So I entered my snail in to a race, but I took his shell off to make him faster.

It ended up making him sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsneedtokno
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I opened a pistachio shell, and there was nothing inside.

Even Mother Nature is participating in No Nut November.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a turtle do in its shell?

Look for shell-ter

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M0r1tzP
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I removed the shell from my snail to make it faster

But instead it just made it sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Se7enineteen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster.

Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What does Ariel wear sea shells?

Because she can’t fit in D shells

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/retired5326
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I took the shell of my snail recently

He’s been sluggish ever since

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Mi Shell Pfizer indeed
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does The Little Mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she can't fit into D-shells.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imnotlouise
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because they're too big for "b" shells
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beastiality_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mermaids wear Sea Shells?

Because β€œB” shells are too small and β€œD” shells are too big.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Farvaa88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Found a shell on the beach
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/werdwar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Wouldn't snails move faster if they just took off their shells?

Well, actually, it would make them more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 260
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail today...

I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it just made it more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 178
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theo_waugh_2746
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
🚨︎ report
A snail was told he would go faster if he took his shell off.........

...... but it just made him more sluggish!

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WoodChopperDaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a place turtles go that don't have shells?

A homeless shell-ter.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lambo1722
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
People have a misconception that if you take the shell off snails, it will go faster...

But they just end up being sluggish.

Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bthefreeman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the pistachio say to it's shell?

You're a nut case.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
If a mermaid with small boobs padded her bra, would they be called stuffed shells? reddit.com/r/NoStupidQues…
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LboogiedB
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Im trying to break bim out of his shell... imgur.com/AVqdkan
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laya3d
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Ariel wear sea shells?

Because d shells are too big.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaboomBaby4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
🚨︎ report
A shell with boobs imgur.com/1xHtB6f
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Loli-GAG
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you guys her about the racing snail that took off his shell?

Well after that he became a big sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicyagedcheddar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a snail keep in his shell?

his-cargo

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalfMan_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
If a snail loses its shell does it become faster?

No, it gets a bit more sluggish.

Heard it on Round Planet from Netflix

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naven271
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A group of snails got into a really heated fight. They took their shells off and went at it.

It was a real slug fest.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/3Dbabble
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because they grew out of their B shells.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boatholes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
This is me in a nut shell

Help, I'm trapped in a nut shell!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VampiricPie
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I thought removing my snail's shell would make him faster...

Turns out that it just made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MobileTechGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Crime is getting worse where I live, so my dad decided to give me some protection and boxed up his trusty 9mm, a big and a small clip and a bunch of shells for me! [Xpost /r/funny]

https://imgur.com/2ylrnpK

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lindymad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
🚨︎ report
When you put a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean

I think I'm just hearing in between channels

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AidanOnEverything
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Old man at Subway explained to me why mermaids wear sea shells on their chest

I was in line at Subway and this older man was in front of me. He looked back and said, "Do you know why mermaids wear sea shells on their chests? Because "B" shells are too small and "D" shells are too big."

I gave him a chuckle and a "That's a good one".

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jualbers
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because B shells are too small

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnglazedDonuts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?

Because she can’t fit D-shells

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ystrday_tmrw_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Thought taking my shell of my racing snail would make it faster.

Turns out that just made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PterodactylSlayer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?

Oh no Michelle!

πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chriscamano09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Chinese man with a hard outer shell?

A Crustasian.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/averaxhunter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my pet snail to see if it would move any faster.

It just made it more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
🚨︎ report
She Sells Sea Shells by the Sea Shore. Say that five times fast.

thatthatthatthatthat

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikemol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Went to a wedding last night, Dad dropped this bomb shell during his speach...

"Thank you all for joining us tonight, it's been a very emotional evening for all of us, even the cake is in tiers."

I didn't get it until later.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Notexactlyserious
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I thought pulling the shell off my racing snail would make him faster...

But it just made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksnakewhip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
I took off the shell of my snail to make him go faster...

but now he is more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/valdes2011
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AcousticHigh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster...

...It just made him more sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJohny182
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
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