I bought a shield when I was in Russia.

Unfortunately, I had to throw it out because it was shit (Ρ‰ΠΈΡ‚).

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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What did the sword say to the shield after their fight last night?

Why did you block me?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clone-Commando66
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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My dad make a joke when I was playing PokΓ©mon Shield with him

We went past a Garbodor and I told my Dad, β€œHey it’s a Garbodor!” He then says β€œI don’t like it. That PokΓ©mon is trash.”

this is the PokΓ©mon

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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A merchant approached the captain of a SWAT team about upgrading their riot shields...

The captain replied, "Finally! A purchase I can get behind!"

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ‘€︎ u/BradEmery
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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We should let more children play with shields

After all, shields are for all aegis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_federation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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This morning I saw a lady scraping the ice off her wind shield with her credit card.

..She's not going to make any progress at that rate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/tritty_kutz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
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πŸš€ β€πŸŒ•Cybertruck Prototype πŸŒ• β€πŸš€

Strap in and get ready to launch.

This was created by a professional dev team of HOGL And BUFFTOWN (Developers of HOGL and Shield) They are dedicating their spare time to launch this as a meme project that will explode. Get in. We’re going to run this long term for listings on both CMC and Gecko.
Cybertruck Prototype has an ambitious core team of experienced Crypto veterans, all working day and night ( I mean this, we actually forced one to stay up well past his bed time while in the voice channel. ) to make sure we get to the moon fast, and safe.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 4.6MM 24Hour Volume⭐️⭐️ ⭐️
⭐️ Market Cap as of typing this 2.3MM⭐️


CMC LISTING: Coming soon.


SNL TONIGHT and the CyberTruckPrototype itself being the star of the show in NYC.

This is NOT a P&D. Liquidity is LOCKED, and ownership RENOUNCED.

bscscan /address/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17#readContract

⭐️ Contract:

bscscan /token/0xf340E33aef552C836b4538BA09bBfCcd5f42fa17


poocoin /tokens/0xf340e33aef552c836b4538ba09bbfccd5f42fa17

⭐️ Website
Cybertruck . financial

⭐️ Telegram

t me /CyberTruckPrototypeOfficial

⭐️ Twitter

twitter /officialcybert

⭐️ Reddit
r /CyberTruckPrototype

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/lynseahoss
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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We have a strict hierarchy policy for PPE usage at my office...

Regular workers must wear small face shields, while Managers get to use the super-visors.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Why did the Palpatines have a child?

They forgot to use ray shields

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaoskrim
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Can someone come up with a pun for the name Candace?

I don't wanna go with 'Candace get any better', since she probably heard that a thousand times already. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/DurianIce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What do blm protestors and cod players have in common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/joemama16839301
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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What do window wear to protect themselves from viruses

A wind-shield

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingfire4545
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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The Viking Tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

There are many tales that have come from Viking lore but few are as lost as the tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

It was said that he was blessed by God's with a keen ability to predict the weather. Due to this magical gift, he became a renowned seaman. Feared by his enemies, and respected by his bannermen. After years of successful raids and conquests, one of his shield maidens finally plucked up the courage and asked him how he does it.

"Bran, how do you always predict the weather? How have you always, managed to avoid every storm the sea throws at you". All his men laughed and looked up at their leader. Before he could respond, his right-hand man stood up and with a smile on his face and retorted, " It's simple. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Birdman27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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My little brother just laid down a perfect dad joke..

My brother and I are watching Star Wars VI. The Rebel Alliance is talking about destroying the shields on the planet Endor. I turn to my brother and ask him, "Isn't Endor the planet with the forests and tall trees?". He grins, turns to me, and says, "No; that's Outdoor". I'm astounded a 12 year old could be so clever.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/toomuchlovin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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My grandfathers favorite joke:

(Works better when you say it out loud).

Do you know why it's called Staten Island?

Because when people first got there, they looked across the water and said 'S'dat-an island?'

He used to pantomime the punchline by shielding his eyes from the sun and squinting.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/kazneus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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The Legend of Zorro and the Bacon Tree

So this is a bit long, sorry about that.

Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.

They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.

"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.

Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."

The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped and are making camp. As Zorro begins to make a fire he says to the Lone Ranger, "You know, I quite fancy some pork. You ride back to that bacon tree and get some for supper, and I'll finish setting up camp here."

"No problem Zorro, I won't be long" replies the Ranger, jumping back into the saddle and returning the way they came.

Time passes, and the sun begins to get low in the sky. 'Odd', thinks Zorro 'he should be back by now.' Another hour passes and the shadows are growing longer. 'I might have to go investigate, it's not like him to take his time.' More time passes, and, just as Zorro has decided that he must go search for his friend in the dwindling light, he hears the sound of Silver's hooves. Looking into the gathering gloom he sees his friend riding towards him. As the Lone Ranger nears Zorro can see the Lone Ranger is injured, there are cuts and bruises and he has an arrow through his hat.

"What on earth happened, Lone Ranger? Did you make it to the Bacon tree?"

The Lone Ranger dismounts and sighs heavily.

"That weren't no Bacon tree, Zorro. That was an Hambush."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Dad just walked into the room...

Dad just walked into the living room shielding his eyes.

Me: What are you doing?

Dad: My parents taught me not to stare at the sun.

Me: What?

Dad: Because you're my son.

Mom and dad both literally had to leave because they were laughing so hard.

EDIT: Formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/saketssn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2013
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Joke about protection

If you think about it, condoms are just meat shields

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hi_im_Nadeem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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The newest Dodge line of cars should be called the "Resposibility"

The new 2016 Dodge Responsibility.

Options include: Anti-Radar stealth paint, and an voice activated license plate shield.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amaroq208
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2015
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Not actually a dad...

But I think I've got potential. I'm a waiter. It was raining when I left for work earlier, so I put my apron on my head to shield myself. I thought of what I might say if anyone questioned me about it.

"I sometimes like to wear improvised nun hoods. It's not a very good habit."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scipio33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
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My dad laid this one on me after I told him about how my Halloween costume (Link from Legend of Zelda) was received.

Me: "So at my co-worker's party, I met a woman who suddenly called out "Link!" at me when she saw me and pulled me over to her side of the room to take a picture of my costume. She said that her friend, who wasn't at the party, had dressed up as Link, too. She was somewhat drunk and rather excited about it. I saw a picture of her friend on her phone. She had put a bit more commitment into the costume since she had a sword and shield."

Dad: "So... did you connect with her friend after the party..."

Me: "Uh.. no?"

Dad: "...on LinkedIn?

Me: *facepalm*

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/cassius_longinus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
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SOMEONE in this house needs to know how to Dad properly.

We're catching up on Agents of SHIELD tonight, and I commented that Agent Gonzales always seems to be conspicuously drinking a glass of water. My husband agreed that he does seem suspicious, and wondered aloud if he was actually a traitor.

I responded, "He may just be trying to stay Hydra-ated," and proceeded to fall over laughing on the couch while the husband slowly shook his head and sighed. Somewhere, my dad is glowing with pride.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/Miett
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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Dad joked while watching Star Trek.

My boyfriend and I were watching Star Trek, and I made a comment about the shields being down, to which he responded "they're just sad". After which laughing so hard he cried. Sigh.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluejade89
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
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Girlfriend got me during Guardians of the Galaxy

Talk about the alien race called the kree

Me: The Kree were on the agents of shield tv show

Gf: That's Kree-zy

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattAzrael
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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Bird shits on our win shield. Dad: good thing cows don't fly!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/D9TRI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2014
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