My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......

Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carpet_tart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..

They lied, everyone else had their clothes on

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
I told my barista I didn't think he should be wearing a face mask. 'I'm not', he said,...

'it's a coughy filter.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Just went in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask.

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"

She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
A shopper prefers to not wear a mask

Me: You should be wearing a mask for your own safety.
Her: Says who?
Me: Kinda.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cliffwolff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Approaching the house without a mask these days is just bush league.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joelkeys0519
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Going into a store without a mask is like Nirvana.

I feel stupid and contagious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_jake_kemp
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitHODL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Elon Mask
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_noob369
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
Elon Mask
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Ben-X
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
It’s not a face mask...

It’s a coughy filter

(Credit to u/sniggihs)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thunderfighter6
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?

The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/getonmylevel205
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
It’s not a face mask, folks...

it’s a coughy filter.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypertonica
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.

She seamstressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What would you do if someone forcibly put a mask on your face?

I dunno, β€˜masking you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hansxlx
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
My wife said I should put the mask on if I'm leaving the house - and so I always do.

But my dog has to be so sick of that stupid movie by now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I keep telling my wife to stop buying peeling masks

It’s just a rip off

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swetiger
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Went to the grocery store today. They told me gloves and a mask would be enough...

They LIED. Everybody else had clothes on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kratomom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Where did the Apostle Paul buy his mask for the Corona Virus?

At a shop on the road to Damaskus...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regfol31
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who wears a black mask and is only kind of good at word play?

A punisher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkthegrid
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Today I was at the bank when two man came in with masks...

Such a relief when they said it was just a bank robbery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPapotasVIP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Three dudes walked into a bank wearing masks, and everybody freaked out.

They said, "This is a robbery," and everybody relaxed a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roguebuckeye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
Just got back from the grocery store they said all you need is gloves and a mask- they lied

everyone else was wearing clothes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deepspacesquid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
People keep asking me to make them face masks

They know me sew well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldingMonk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Keep safe during this pandemic and use an old padded bra to make yourself a comfortable mask. Just make sure you use the left cup...

Because if you use the right one you will look like a right tit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astoran15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I see a ton of people driving in automobiles by themselves and still wearing a mask, what are they afraid of?

Car-onavirus?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elon_Muskmelon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
As we continue to deal with the mask wearing, social distancing and uncertainty through the coming weeks, we can’t lose sight of how important it is to continue taking these precautions.

As much as it sucks, it’s better to be safe than SARS-y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashsmasher
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Today I was in the bank when two men came in wearing masks...

Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it's only a bank robbery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I went out for a walk and saw a face mask grow bigger and bigger

Then it hit me...lesson learned

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Elon Mask everyone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiisanSein
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend: You should wear a mask.

Me: Because of Corona?

Friend: No. Because you're ugly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Necessary-Bluejay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
The grocery delivery guy keeps wearing a mask and always stands 2 feet away from me...

I think I need to shower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Removing Vader's Mask
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MystickTheater
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I read that a mask and gloves were appropriate ppe for going out to the grocery store.

Well that is total bs, everyone else had clothes on too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/savantard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Hope my "Mr T" mask stops Coronavirus, they were all sold out of "Face" masks.

GTF bot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasthetanker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I asked the bank teller why the guy sitting at the next window was wearing a mask & a cowboy outfit?

She said he was the lone arranger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask /r/Jokes/comments/fdtyi2/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PigeonGang1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
What’s yellow and wears a mask?

A banana robbing a bank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeFindMeGilbert
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Its not my mask, its....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreyLastname
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
i got a sleeping mask on a plane
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Nrpdude_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A Man In a Ski Mask Walks into a Bank, and Pulls out a Coffee Cup at the Bank Teller.

The Bank Teller Goes: " Are you Trying to Mug me?! "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Powershroom64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Put on a mask, go outside next to a bank, now caress it.

Congratulations you just rub a bank.

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rumour regarding a mask?

A masquerade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatShanksguy09
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
If the girl from PJ Masks gets wet

Is she a moist Owlette?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoAltair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a wet PJ mask?

A moist owlette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
That little paper mask they ask you to wear at the Medical Clinic is called...

A Coughy Filter!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
If Amaya from PJ Masks got caught in the rain...

She would turn into a moist Owlette.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jc0mm5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife wears a Sleep Apnea Mask to Bed...

Wife: Sighing...."My mask is falling off!" Me: Do you want some masking tape?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmmccann
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the cat in the bird mask say?

Me Owl!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXD3aTh_StR0K3Xx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
🚨︎ report
BatDad has 4 children and makes Vines wearing a batman mask. [X-post from /r/videos] youtube.com/watch?v=YlVi0…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StartWatch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
We were at an aquarium when my dad put on an otter mask...

He turns to me and says "you otter buy this"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConnivingKoalaGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2013
🚨︎ report
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket

They lied, everyone else has clothes on

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
"Why are you wearing a surgical mask?" I asked the barista.

She said, "It's not a mask. It's a coughy filter."

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milkchaser
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report

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