Helmet won by Sir Cumsize during war in the year 1215AD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Did you hear about the whale who always wears a helmet when riding a bike?

He does it for safety porpoises

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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this helmet has a supervisor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kefuzzles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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People that don't use helmets are clever…

… because they use their heads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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My son wants to see Marshmello partner up with two other EDM Musicians wearing helmets, named Chocolate and Graham Krackers...

He said he'd really like to hear S'more Music.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TKJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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Headed to Home Depot. I need a helmet, a pail, and a toilet.

...and that's my Bucket list

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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Have you seen the video where an astronaut takes off his helmet in space?

It was breathtaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyboth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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Why is Darth Vader's helmet so phallic?

...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spankleberry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2016
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[REQUEST] Can Anyone help me come up with a punny spartan helmet name/description?

I want to rename an item I use in a video game to something clever. The helmet is a spartan helmet painted gold so anything witty would be nice! Thanks in advance!

I should probably add the item is a helmet and is cosmetic. The character weilds a rocket launcher and is from teamfortress to anyone familiar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ifailftw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2013
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What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?

A shell-met!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chezni19
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2016
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Some penis jokes are like being uncircumcised..

they can go over your head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/latinrprince79
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
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My dad didn't laugh so hopefully you'll enjoy.

Chatting on the phone with my dad while he was at work.

Dad "I've got a light on my helmet so I look like a miner"

Me "No, I would say you look about 40"

Not even a chuckle from him πŸ˜’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T1TZILLA1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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What is the best way to segue to another topic?

I’m not sure but always wear a helmet on your Segway

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TaskReddit2019
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Got my son's surgeon today pretty good.

My infant has a pretty flat head, when I took him to the doctor's office to get a referral for a helmet to shape his head, they asked what his name was.

I told them, "Well, his name is ___, but we like to call him Phillips to encourage him."

I got some truly authentic guffaws, and my dadjoke confidence rose a bit. I feel like I may be getting the hang of this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldraven
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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If i was an astronaut, before every mission i would sit down with my wife and tell her

"listen honey, its not that i want a divorce, i just think i need some space." Then i would put on my helmet and slow walk to the launch pad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASpellingAirror
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2015
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I rode my bike into a bar.

I broke my jaw, my cheek bone and cracked my skull in 2 spots.

It's funny because it's true.

Always wear your helmet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRAdams472
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
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I just got new high heels....

...and since I directly fell in love with them, I had to send a photo of me wearing them to some friends and somehow also my to dad.

I got responses like "You look hot" or "So sexy!".

My dad's response: "You must be so tall wearing them. I guess I know who's getting a helmet for christmas!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drakooi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
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A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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Talking to my dad about my boyfriend getting a concussion..

Me: Someone ran into him with their helmet and his ear was ringing for a few minutes afterwards.

Dad: Did he answer it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrobinsonnnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
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Inadvertently Dad-Joked Myself...

I've recovering from a bad road bike crash where I fractured my hip and was in the hospital a few days after surgery (about 4 weeks ago). I was knocked unconscious in the crash, but my helmet probably saved my life and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic amnesia.

A few days later I was talking to a friend and he was asking about the crash and I said, "The doctor told me a name for the type of amnesia it is, but I don't remember it..."

He replied with a laugh, "Did you mean to make that joke?"

I didn't. It's hilarious.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Horse_Glue_Knower
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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My Dad did this while walking through the toy section in a store.

He was walking behind me through the store and I noticed that he wasn't replying in conversation so I turned around and he wasn't there. I went to look for him and as I'm walking down an aisle and all of a sudden he comes around the corner at the end of the aisle with a Darth Vader helmet (no voice changer but he made it work) and he says "I am your father!" I could not stop laughing, happy birthday Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbnormalDream
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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As a new dad, I'm off to a great start

Background: Wife and I took our son to his 1 month pediatrician appointment yesterday, where the only minor issue she noted was a slight flattening on the left side of his head because he likes to look one way instead of the other. Hilarity ensued when we got home.

Wife: "If we're not careful, our son is going to have to wear one of those special helmets because he'll have a flat head."

Me: "Then I guess it's a good thing we didn't name him Phillip!"

/cue rimshot

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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Uncle was the joker growing up.

Gave me hundreds. Really remember this gem the best. He asks: How far can you walk into the woods? Me: as much as you want? He: No. Halfway. The other half is walking out. Followed by him walking away saying damn this boy is stupid. Better get him a helmet! (He was an engineer and I outscored him and his friends on a company IQ test at 12 so he joked).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changedit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2014
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Have you seen the video where an astronaut takes off his helmet in space?

It was breathtaking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyboth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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