Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.

Because it’s capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 835
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

πŸ‘︎ 517
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 456
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I gots two words that will leave you all scratching your heads.

Head lice.

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gbredman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at the store yesterday and some dude threw a jug of milk at my head

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-have-lysdexia
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I put the punchline to this joke on Mr.Jackman's head.

If you don't get it, joke's on Hugh.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/digiBeLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
I wish I could wear a shoe on my head

Because then I'd be a foot taller

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/matt12992
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
One day, as I was walking home, someone threw a block of cheese at my head. I thought-

β€œThat’s not very mature!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quantomcatnip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest

I told her Michael Boob-lay

She wasn’t as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person she’s dating is). Happy new year everybody

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drumdude92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A new strain of head lice is going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorModalus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do big-game hunters mount their lions’ heads?

To mount the other end would be a catastrophe.

πŸ‘︎ 382
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πŸ‘€︎ u/friste
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head by a can of Coke today.

I'm okay, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicoli0525
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar holding a hammer over his head.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" he yells!! "This is not a drill."

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If your boat flips you can wear it on your head.

Because it capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a Bounty on my head [X-Post: r/IndiaSocial]
πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_Killed_Reddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A book just fell on my head

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that newborns have weak necks and need to have their heads supported?

Just a heads up.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
This man has A HEAD.
πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tstaffor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was replaying Wind Waker recently after having binged BNHA, and the idea popped into my head.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecat42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So, are you a Phillips head or a flathead?

I’m just trying to see how you like to screw πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘‰πŸ»πŸ‘‰πŸ»

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylor_beebz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
We all have a submarine in our heads but we're not supposed to think about it. It's all sub-conscious.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaurdoI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???

My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness" All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

An Ambulance, immediately!

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sorry, I couldn't get this out of my head
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demon69-420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice Caps

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
It was funnier in my head

I got an A on my origami assignment when I turned my paper into my teacher

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend can convert modern currency to Ancient Roman currency in his head.

It's a talent.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuiceNoodle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the part of the snake that isn't it's head?

It snek

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Antihuman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to a doctors with a strawberry growing on his head.

Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GordinhoSA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with a seagull perched on his head?

Cliff

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowerSuspicious
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A book fell on my head today.

I blame my shelf

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoolSharkPete
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
You should quit while you're a head
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steeltitan1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a book fall on my head today,

I only have my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord-harks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
The lift is from a company named Schindler...so it’s Schindler’s Lift...is this set up as pun on the classic film Schindler’s List? My head is spinning
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackaldo7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.

It was a shawl shank redemption

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/De_Salvation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A hammerhead shark made from hammer heads
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vermillion_-_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit by a soda can in the head!

Luckily it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A book fell on my head...

I only have my shelf to blame

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VesuvianLime
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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