I took a job as the head of Old McDonald’s farm
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head
It's awful to see someone you love mugged.
Somebody threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head.
It's OK though as my injuries are only super fish oil.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Why did the non-binary prospector head out West?
Because there was gold in them/their hills!
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.
There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him.
On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink.
Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting “Drink, Drink!”
His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again “Drink, Drink”
He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said “He should have quit while he was a head”
A pirate walked into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head...
So, I asked him: What’s up with the paper towels?
The Pirate said: Aarrr, I have a Bounty on my head
My wife told me she would bang my head off the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I don't believe heryhhxfukklo8764eh89kg4ghi9hde3yhoonib7v6c5x4xv9n8vx4&6c79b9n
After a bad diy project, a load of books fell on my head.
I have only my shelf to blame.
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
My son's math's teacher was away so the head of school had to step in and take her place.
It's the principal that counts.
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
I like to wear a canoe on my head like it's a hat
Works best if it's capsized
My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.
I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.
Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
My partner and I watched Interstellar last night. She said the movie was over her head.
I replied, "Of course it's over your head! It's in space!"
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Why couldn't the magician fit his top hat on his head?
Because his hare was too big.
I asked a pianist why he was banging the side of his head against the keys.
He told me he was playing by ear.
I got my head stuck in my trombone and asked my friend for help.
I couldn't hear his reply but his words resonated with me
A person with no head or neck...
What did one Potato Head ask the other Potato Head what was for dinner tonight
One said, “your lookin at it!!” 💀
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
I saw a camel with two heads and one hump!
If you have two heads, that's both an odd and even number
What's the difference between a gymnast jaguar, and a meth-head mountain lion?
One is an acrobatic cat.
The other is a broke, addict cat.
What happens when a Hogwarts student runs a marathon then trips and hits their head...
What do you call a two weed-heads buying fruit?
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
he was lucky it was a soft drink
One meth head asks another, “sooo... are we dating?”
The other responds, “no I thought we were just mething around.”
A new variant of head lice has appeared and they are resistant to conventional treatments.
This has left scientists scratching their heads l
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
I've had M.C. Hammer music in my head so much today that's it's giving me a headache. I took 2 Tylenol, but....
Don't you hate it when a cranberries song gets stuck in your head
In your head in your heeeaaad
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.
Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Yesterday, there was a battle between the Pot Heads and the straight people of society....
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
This popped in my head a few days ago. Why did the baker freak out after his latest project?
Because what he made was stolen!
I used to be a head of human resources.
But then it got too personnel.
I've lost loads of weight, just by wearing bread around my head...
Went out in rain this morning but got hit on the head with a car part.
It was raining Datsun Cogs.
Why did the CPU head up half an orchestra?
Because it's a semiconductor.
Why did the non-binary prospectors head west?
Because there was gold in them/their hills
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily, it was a soft drink.