I have been reading some history on the French revolution and found out what happened to Louis XVI's head
You should quit while you're a head
A book just fell on my head
I only have my shelf to blame
My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she'll slam my head on the keyboard...
...but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
My wife told me she's slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer !
Don't worry guys, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
My dad always use to say ‘Two heads are better than one.'
A wonderful father.
A hammerhead shark made from hammer heads
Today I got hit in the head by a can of soda.
Luckily it was a soft drink.
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I've never been prouder.
Sat at the PC gaming last night and a bloody book hit me on the head!
I only have my shelf to blame!
My dad said if he see me browsing reddit again, he'll smash my head to the keyboard
I guess hezsjkfowgajqjhsjwkwlsvvcaxxacfasuoc
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday.
Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I was walking in a parking lot and tripped. I hit my head on a car.
I got hit in the head by a soda can the other day...
Luckily, it was a soft drink!
What do bobble heads and dads in passing have in common?
The other day I saw a duck standing on top of another duck’s head.
Did you hear the one about the guy who got hit in the head with a can or soda?
Luckily for him, it was a soft drink.
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
Why was the pot-head chiropractor getting so much business?
Everybody needed help rolling their joints
I don’t know how you guys get home every night but, I squat down, put my head between my knees and fall forward.
A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said...
“I’ll give you some cream to put on that”.
What do you call a potato that heads downtown to start a riot?
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
What do you call a man with a car on his head?
An ambulance! He's got a car on his head!
Many French guillotine victims had their heads
My boat flipped over during a storm, so I decided to wear it on my head. After all...
When we were kids, we used books of epic poems as bases. I once slid head first into "The Odyssey"...
Girlfriend, my dog and I went hiking today and on the way up the mountain there was a big bee buzzing around my head.
So I said “Bee-gone” and my girlfriend shook her head. Best feeling ever.
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
He's surely gotten a head of himself, hasn't he? 🤔
I rode the elevator to the eleventh floor and as I got out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I replied, “Don’t call me son, you’re not my dad.” He scratched his head and said...
“No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
What if I lifted a pack of Coca-Cola over my head for twenty minutes a day every day?
That would be soda pressing.
This thing just popped up in my head and I had to do it.
What did the fish say when it hit its head on the concrete wall?
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
I got caught coming through customs with a large sculpture of Beethoven’s head
The customs officer said it was their biggest bust ever!
What do you call a woman that plays pool while balancing a pint on her head?
(The 'Burnadebt' joke from last night reminded me that my dad told me both those jokes about 25 years ago! Definitely using them if I ever end up being a dad.)
Did you hear about the person who hit their head in a maize maze?
They had suffered a corncussion
This sounded punny in my head.
So I was thinking...
This is a coat hanger:
Technically, isn't this also a coat hangar:
Which would make this a hanger hangar:
Why did Tigger have his head in the toilet?
My daughter put her eye patch on my girlfriend's head like a horn.
Who knew she was able to breed unicornias
So today I fell asleep on the toilet and my two sons love to pretend they are cowboys they saw I was asleep and they put something on my head
When I woke up I realized that there was a bounty on my head
I'm trying to remember a joke about a statue head
I can't though, it's a bust...
Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off
I think they're stalking me
I think I might have head lice but I’m not sure.
It’s a real head scratcher, and quite honestly I’m just itching to find a solution.
Without a heads up in advance.
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
Did you head about the chameleon who couldn’t change color?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why is the head sister usually known as a jack-of-all-trades?
Because she's a master of nun.
A book fell on my head yesterday
I guess I only have my shelf to blame
People say the back of my head looks really nice
Today I learned what happened to Marie Antoinette’s head!
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
I'm bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits
So from a distance it looks like hares
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The bartender says; "hey, what's with the paper towel?" And the pirate says, "Arrr, I've got a bounty on me head!"
I got a callback about being in a head banging music video. The caller said
Would pecker be available?
Just a heads up.
If you get an email from the department of health saying not to eat tinned pork and ham because it contains COVID, ignore it. It's spam.
I finally got rid of my head lice
That problem's outta my hair
I was queuing up to get into the supermarket yesterday. Dwayne Johnson was in front of me. Behind me was a fish holding the trolley above his head!
I was between The Rock and a hard Plaice
I can’t bake a pun that’ll crack you up because they’re all scrambled in my head
Need puns for the name Aayushi. Any creative heads awake?
Did you hear about the guy who got stuck head first in a hole?
He had nowhere to go, butt up.
Why the monkey put a steak on his head?
He thought he was a grilla.
A book falls on Sean Connery's head
"Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"
While redoing the hardwood my wife thought it would be a good idea to toss me a plank. It hit me in the head.
I once got severe pain in my head from inhaling too much of steam.
Blind guy walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog in circles over his head.
A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."
A book fell on my head.
I've only got my shelf to blame.
Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...
…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
My chemistry teacher covered me head to toe in sodium chloride after I flunked my test...
I've never been more ensalted in my life
Off the top of my head...
I can't seem to remember where I left my hat.
My mate Dave told me he’s started shaving his head to hide his thinning hair.
I think it’s a pretty bald strategy.
A hawk landed on my head yesterday
It was perfect because I thought I needed some mohawk.
I can’t bake a good pun that will crack you up, they’re all just scrambled in my head
Have you heard of the guy who wanted to do a head transplant?
Personally, I don't think anybody should go ahead with it.
What do you call a floating head whose life has no meaning?
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
What's it mean when you have a song stuck in your head?
You have a one-track mind.
I hit the nail on the head
A book just fell on my head.
I only have my shelf to blame.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
Luckily it was a soft drink
People say the back of my head looks really nice