Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
What has a bottom at the top?
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
Why did the chicken climb on top of the house?
...because it wanted to be a ROOFster.
I woke up on top of my house this morning, and the last thing I remember was going to the bar...
I’m afraid someone roofied me
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.
He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.
The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? £50, that is all."
The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"
Top ten puns that will haunt you
The other day I saw a duck standing on top of another duck’s head.
What has a bottom at its top?
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NSW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
Why do magicians wear top hats?
So the audience can't see their hare!!!
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
There were some people who were playing poker in a slaughterhouse on top of a mountain.
It was a high-steaks game.
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
I put a new shelf towards the top of my fridge
The steaks have never been higher
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NEW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
Did you hear Congress proposed a law banning tank tops?
It didn't pass because it violated the right to bare arms.
What do you call a woman on top of a house?
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.
Dad: The steaks have never been higher.
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.
He gave me counter fit money.
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.
After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.
The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.
The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20
My butt surgeon was top notch
He came highly rectal-mended
How many animals did the king keep on the top of his tower?
What does the dog on top of the house say?
A cop pulled me over. I thought it was probably because of the instagram model riding on top of my car
The cop arrested me for driving under the influencer
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...
"No, but your hat's on crooked."
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
An absolute cracker
Did you hear about the cow that was at the top of her class?
She was really mootivated.
I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.
He's been furloughed too.
Two snow men stood on top of a hill...
One says to the other "can you smell carrots?"
My buddy just installed a new counter top
I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...
How do you top a car?
You tep on da bwake tupid!
I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if any of this sub's top ten jokes met this standard
What do you call a spinning top that you love a lot?
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
nothing tops a plain pizza
I bet a butcher that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf
He refused, because the steaks were too high.
Once we make it to the top of that mountain...
...it’s all downhill from there
Someone has been sneaking into my garden and adding top soil...
Top of my fridge is now pun central.
Have you seen the new show under the big top?
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp
I said to him, “That’s the point”
Just read that ZZ top is the longest running group with unchanged lineup...
It's got me under pressure
Off the top of my head...
I can't seem to remember where I left my hat.
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
I took a pole today and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.
He told me the steaks were too high.
How did Sith Lords rise to the top?
Why was the crow not at the top of his class?
What should be at the top of everyone’s bucket list?
The date you wrote the bucket list.
Why did the NFL choose to acknowledge OJ Simpson as a part of the top 100 players?
Because he really was a killer running back.
What’d the dog say to the top of the house?
My friend doesn’t think puns are funny, so I told him my top ten to see if any could make him laugh.
nothing tops a plain hotdog
I just found out people work on top of Burj Khalifa.
I can't believe the heights some people would go to just to earn some money.
I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...
...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!
I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....
I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...
I went to the camping supply store and was going to buy a tent but the pegs were on the top shelf...
The stakes were too high.
Data pointing to the database I manage makes for a top tier visual pun.
Here is my Top 10 list of favorite years from the past decade.
(In chronological order)
Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?
A man and his wife were arguing while walking up the top floor of a very tall building, his wife stopped and yelled to him " you're wrong on so many levels "
A man decided to stand on top of a police station
Found during a surf of r/memes top posts
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
A tribute to this sub’s top post of all time.
A recent text exchange with a friend:
Her: “Hey question”
Me: “Ugh like 10 years and you still don’t even know my name”
Her: “HAHAHAH omg dad”
For all the Australian’s convenience so they can see the top meme without having to look upside down.
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
nothing tops a plain pizza
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
Nothing tops a plain pizza.