A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- absoutely briliant
A Shovel passed flying school top of his class
He is a real Ace of Spades
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
Well done, kid.
You know what tops a plain pizza?
I enjoyed hiking up mountains, until I arrived at the top.
From there, it's all downhill.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in Paris...
What’s the top streaming service in Russia?
What does Carrot Top wear to the beach?
As we were at the top of the Eiffel Tower watching a beautiful sunset, I got down on one knee and said, “Honey?”
She gasped audibly and said, “Yeah?”
I said, “Help! My knee is made of magnets!”
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Top Dad Jokes list, some of the best ones:
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
If your in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed and someone's asleep in the top bunk,
Does that mean you're under a rest?
After a long hike to the top of a mountain, my wife asked me, “So what do you think of The View?”
I said, “Whoopi Goldberg is ok, but I don’t like the other women on the show.”
what did the depressed water park attendant think of at the top of a high rise building?
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
My friend announced that he parkoured his way to the top of a pub, but nobody cared.
After all, it was a low bar to climb.
What happens when chickens lay eggs at the top of a hill?
Do you know how Top a car?
You tep on da bwake tupid!
What does a blind woman say when she gets to the top of the Space Needle?
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
Why was the farmer afraid to rescue the cow from on top of the barn?
The steaks were too high.
Trump's top aides have Coronavirus
It would appear he has a staff infection
Top places to get a bunch of doves
- Bird store
- Magicians warehouse
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
When I dropped my top-of-the-line Microsoft laptop on the asphalt, I figured it was ruined
Turns out I had barely scratched the Surface.
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top
I said “it’s all downhill from here!”
My friend tried opening up a driving range to compete with Top Golf.
Not sure if he pulled it off but I know it took a lot of balls to do it.
There is always something going wrong on the top floor of my house.
Id say its a problem-attic
Say what you want about carrot top, but fact of the matter is he’s out there making a living as a comedian
You gotta give him props for that
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
I pack a soda in my bag everyday but it HAS to be on top.
Wouldn’t want it to get flat.
A boy loves eating his bread with lemon squirted on top
One day, his dad comes across him eating like this and says, "That do be sourdough"
What has a bottom on the top ?
What has a bottom at the top?