Have you heard about the top secret bakery?

It's on a knead to dough basis

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flippantteacup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22
🚨︎ report
What has a bottom at the top?

Your legs.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
top notch science puns
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/socksgrowonbushes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, β€œHoney, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”

It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?

He is too tense.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken climb on top of the house?

...because it wanted to be a ROOFster.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonderflex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I woke up on top of my house this morning, and the last thing I remember was going to the bar...

I’m afraid someone roofied me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy drink a bottle of brandy, then fill it to the top with water and screw the lid back on.

He approached a wild ox. The ox looked at him.

The guy said, "Hello, there, wild ox. Would you like to buy this bottle of brandy from me? Β£50, that is all."

The wild ox mulled it over, before pulling out the money and handing it over to the man.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have jumped up and yelled, "It's a con, yak!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
It's a berry on the top!
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djadmn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Top ten puns that will haunt you
πŸ‘︎ 379
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ja964129
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
The other day I saw a duck standing on top of another duck’s head.

I guess I saw a paradox.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Abcruz7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
What has a bottom at its top?

A leg.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NSW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Why do magicians wear top hats?

So the audience can't see their hare!!!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
Crop Top
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eyeyamstewpig
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...

He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrickekingFricker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
There were some people who were playing poker in a slaughterhouse on top of a mountain.

It was a high-steaks game.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpbojoe
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.

I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
I put a new shelf towards the top of my fridge

The steaks have never been higher

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
So we've been challenged by Little Mart, Forster, NEW to a board off. Who will come out on top?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Did you hear Congress proposed a law banning tank tops?

It didn't pass because it violated the right to bare arms.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polarbearparanoia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman on top of a house?

Ruth!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapastu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.

The steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultim8umly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.

She degraded me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaroZoroark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I was carrying a bowl of chili from the kitchen and my dog ran in and caused me to drop the entire bowl on top of him, covering him in chili.

Now he’s a chili dog.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superbrooke
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.

He gave me counter fit money.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20

it was a total Stihl

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrF4rtB4rf
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
My butt surgeon was top notch

He came highly rectal-mended

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
How many animals did the king keep on the top of his tower?

A parapets!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
What does the dog on top of the house say?

Roof, roof.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv1236
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
A cop pulled me over. I thought it was probably because of the instagram model riding on top of my car

The cop arrested me for driving under the influencer

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AppliedChaos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
A woman is running up the front stairs of a church. She asks the boy sitting at the top, "Is mass out?" The little boy looks at her and says...

"No, but your hat's on crooked."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sineofthetimes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I just made a list of my top 10 favourite Dad jokes. The first 9 are great but the last one is an absolute cracker
  1. great

  2. great

  3. great

  4. great

  5. great

  6. great

  7. great

  8. great

  9. great

  10. An absolute cracker

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow that was at the top of her class?

She was really mootivated.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erbearlee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
It’s a crop top
πŸ‘︎ 792
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I shaved the top half of my cat this morning.

He's been furloughed too.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattyK_They_Say
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Two snow men stood on top of a hill...

One says to the other "can you smell carrots?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My buddy just installed a new counter top

I just hope he doesn’t take it for granite

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
How do you top a car?

You tep on da bwake tupid!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
That hat is the tops
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/originalripley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if any of this sub's top ten jokes met this standard

But no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harambememes69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call a spinning top that you love a lot?

Your bae-blade

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spingebill678
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,

Just needed something to lift my spirits

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/den_nis3524
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
nothing tops a plain pizza
πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__ch4nc3__
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet a butcher that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf

He refused, because the steaks were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Annonomon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Once we make it to the top of that mountain...

...it’s all downhill from there

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue_Jay2735
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Someone has been sneaking into my garden and adding top soil...

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Top of my fridge is now pun central.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azar002
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
No top
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spacerocket2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the new show under the big top?

It's in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_hardeeharhar_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
My friend didn’t get why the top of the fence was so sharp

I said to him, β€œThat’s the point”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPoltergeist67
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
Just read that ZZ top is the longest running group with unchanged lineup...

It's got me under pressure

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Off the top of my head...

I can't seem to remember where I left my hat.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bizzaromatt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I took a pole today and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet my butcher he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said he wasn't going to bet with me.

He told me the steaks were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 329
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShastaBeast87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How did Sith Lords rise to the top?

They took the elevader.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalebFnCool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Why was the crow not at the top of his class?

B caws.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
What should be at the top of everyone’s bucket list?

The date you wrote the bucket list.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpankMyMetroid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
Why did the NFL choose to acknowledge OJ Simpson as a part of the top 100 players?

Because he really was a killer running back.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/REVDR
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What’d the dog say to the top of the house?

Roof! Roof! Roof!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oceanchimp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
My friend doesn’t think puns are funny, so I told him my top ten to see if any could make him laugh.

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
nothing tops a plain hotdog
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__ch4nc3__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out people work on top of Burj Khalifa.

I can't believe the heights some people would go to just to earn some money.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theragingrocksta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I was in the pub having a drink when a girl came up to me and said she can show me a good time. So I followed her out the back where she took off her top...

...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cormac-Dockry
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Wow I was a wreck last night -- t-shirt under sweat clothes, under two cotton sheets, under a polypropylene comforter, and a quilt on top of that! I could NOT get warm!

I can't imagine how miserable I'd be if I didn't have that can of Pringles in the cupboard....

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I have long shelf in my kitchen where i put the meat at the top. It’s safe to say...

The steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_improviser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
How do you top a car?

Tep on the brake, tupid!

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBenSchweitzer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the camping supply store and was going to buy a tent but the pegs were on the top shelf...

The stakes were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Data pointing to the database I manage makes for a top tier visual pun.
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourPolyGoddess
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Here is my Top 10 list of favorite years from the past decade.

(In chronological order)

2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drigana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?

Because Tim cooks

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rickcinbigd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A man and his wife were arguing while walking up the top floor of a very tall building, his wife stopped and yelled to him " you're wrong on so many levels "
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCouchPullsOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A man decided to stand on top of a police station

He’s above the law now

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robbiefl2001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Found during a surf of r/memes top posts
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tskcool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?

Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A tribute to this sub’s top post of all time.

A recent text exchange with a friend:

Her: β€œHey question”

Me: β€œUgh like 10 years and you still don’t even know my name”

Her: β€œHAHAHAH omg dad”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glowski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
For all the Australian’s convenience so they can see the top meme without having to look upside down.
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BMSAwesomeness
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lumikue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
nothing tops a plain pizza
πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CowSensei
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you top a car?

Tep on da bwake tupid!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StupidDonkeyFace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report

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