I got a job at a factory that makes Dracula toys

Its only me and one other worker. I need to make every second Count

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chefrobbo65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
Since this is a β€œNana” tree (common name for Juniperus Procumens Green Mountain Juniper bonsai), it was suggested I have a β€œba”. Therefore, since the stock ticker for Boeing is BA, I bought a toy 787. That means there is now a β€œbanana” on the counter.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaceyGayGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
How do you say toy in Chinese?

Atoi

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kebebeb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call a stationary shop that sells adult toys?

Dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hang-me-im-guilty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
Why are plush toys never hungry?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logicson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
Next level "toy yoda"
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Koegn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked where her toy Cryolophosaurus might be. I suggested...

"Maybe the Mesozoic Era?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
My wife bought all these dog toys, but Scooter here isn’t quite sure what he’s supposed to do.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OverSpeedClutch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
My baby sister just threw a toy horse at me

I told her to hold her horses

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SonOfDeath73351
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted a Yoda toy.

I told him we already got Toyota

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
What was the kitten diplomats favorite toy?

The piece a cord.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditPowerUser01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
My daughter threw her toy phone on the floor

I guess she dropped the call

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTruLove
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
What temperature do you set a toy oven?

Faux hundred degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
Son tied a fist toy to my fishing net

I dont get the punchline but he's smiling

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Balls have got to be one of the oldest toys.

They’ve been β€˜round a long time.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
People think that my homemade toy business isn't very successful, but that's not true.

I'm making six figures a year

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BraveLilCoaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. β€œDaddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.

β€œIt’s long story,” replies the father.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I like making cardboard toys.

You can say I never get card-bored.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOutcast06
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the second-rate toy plastic brick maker become obsessed?

Because he just couldn’t Lego.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeChump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
My daughter came home from the toy store with a spherical Pixar fish toy. She asked me if I thought it was cute.

Cute? It’s a Dory ball!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shibarak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
What’s a Boomers favorite toy?

A Boomerang.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Switched_On_SNES
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
My friend made shoes out of toy ships and planes.

When asked about it, he said he wanted to be fleet of foot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Why don't people, who constantly step on Plastic toy brick, just

LEGO of the pain?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra

You can never find the barcode

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vico__Staps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
My German neighbor: Here are some old toy trucks your kids can play with.

Me: Tonka Schoen

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
A man went into a toy store and ripped the arms off of every teddy bear in the store. Why did the judge let him go free?

He had the right to bear arms.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
You know your uncle went to WWII with a toy gun

He had nerfs of steel

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
β€ͺMy kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...‬

β€ͺI hope this will not surface again‬

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
What did the little shrimp told his mom when she asked him why he wouldn't share his toys ?

I'm a little shellfish !

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emily_Cap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
Thieves broke into a Toy store and stole all their board-games.

Police are currently looking for Clues.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...

I guess that's the Fisher Price.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magedmyself
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
What do you call a drunk toy story character?

Bud lightyear

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeCookieMunsta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Asked my 3 yr old if she wanted to see Toy Story 4.

She said, "What's Toy Story 4?"

"Entertainment," I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How do toys in gangs greet each other?

Yo-Yo!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AwkwardGhost121
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn’t realize my dad used to steal board-games from the toy store.

But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My little brother fell off of a toy ambulance and started to cry then someone makes a pun
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshTheTeddy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do children's toys and boobs have in common?

They're both supposed to be for kids but Dad's end up playing with them

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You know that part in Toy Story where Woody pushes Buzz out the window?

You can say he was a buzz kill.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Babyblu4321
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost the sex toy the other day, it was a real pain in the ass to find it.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akassh14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Father: Son, I donated all your toys to the children's home.

Son: Why did you do that?

Father: So you will not be bored there.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rudykruger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My kid has a toy set of different biblical characters, but one started talking and now it condescendingly corrects me all the time...

...what a little Noah doll.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new indestructible sex toy?

Yeah, it's made out of Vibranium.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tubnotub1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.

The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deano3607
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife recently got my son a squishy Narwhal toy.

Me: What is that? Is that a Narwhal

Him: Yes

Him: It's my Stress Whal

He's nine. I'm so proud

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capgunbean
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do toys and boobs have in common?

Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MacItaly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Just saw the new Toy Story movie

Finally see what all the Buzz is about

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PHXmetalhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.

They cut it from the script because it was too much of a buzzkill.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godith024
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the β€œbrilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.

To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.

On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.

β€œDaaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.

Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said β€œWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkHonnor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I live in a hood and bough my kid a toy gun

We call it pack-n-play

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?

A plane in the neck

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoAwayYouSTINK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree isn’t my least favorite thing.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘︎ 315
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I was looking for rubber snakes in Dad's Toy Store.

I found them in the rept-aisle

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a Tibetan Monk's favorite toy?

A dolly llama.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Dis you hear about the man who was hospitalised after using a baguette as an improvised sex toy?

The doctor said it was a complete pain in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ApacheFlame
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The kid who microwaved his toy construction blocks ended up with

Legoo.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lulucifer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The boxer toy was violently beating down the other toys

He was charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I broke my toy bird last night

But i don't have enough money to reparrot

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimmysbuffet48
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Toy story pun
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Levsi09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a toy of your dad you look up to?

A father figure

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDGames03
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the kid from Toy Story so good at repairing his toys?

Because he's very Andy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hiugo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m obsessed with my kid’s building toys

I just have to Lego

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dawuuud
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the large petrol truck that liked to fix gadgets and children's toys?

It was just tankering.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitfrenzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My toy drone just got stuck in a tree. It’s not the least favorite thing that happened to me today,..

but it is definitely up there .

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a toy that doesn't come with batteries?

Free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scoob1978
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A man was admitted to the hospital with six toy horses stuck in his bottom.

His condition was described as stable.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sc0ttmcc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the large petrol truck that liked to fix gadgets and mechanical toys?

He was just tankering.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitfrenzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Fred Flintstone fix Pebbles broken toys?

With a little dab a’ glue!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So I recently broke up with someone who was built from toy bricks...

But she's so hard to Lego

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryan_the_raging99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Santa Claus get his toys?

From the toilet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shin-Kong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What food goes best with an arcade game in which you hit toy moles, which appear at random, back into their holes?

Guac-a-mole

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PostAbouts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t they sell zebras in toy stores?

They can’t find the barcode

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IvanDimitriov
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend said, "That's a knockoff!" to a toy that wasn't.

And that pushed me to the edge.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aceofdarts68
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Today im watching Toy Story, Big, and Forrest Gump

Because it's T.Hanks-giving.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/americangame
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do call a child’s toy that looks like a bird

A ball loon

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a shark use as a chew toy?

Pretty much anything they want.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/learningRN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old asked her mum if her 8 month old brother was allowed to eat his toy drum.

She said it was fine. I said won't there be repercussions?

Got an eye roll followed by a laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 885
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmabbz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2015
🚨︎ report
When my daughter was born I bought her a toy llama.

The llama went everywhere with her. When she started kindergarten she wanted to bring it to school. I told her if she behaved at school she could bring it with but she had to keep it in her backpack. She behaved well and was able to bring the llama whenever she wanted. The next thing I know she is graduating kindergarten and as a surprise for the students the teacher had the parents get up and describe their child in seven words or less. After thinking a few minutes I stood up and said β€œShe’s a good girl, loves her llama”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My boys did a terrible job picking up and putting away their toy bullets after playing war in the basement.

They are a couple of lousy nerf herders.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
This bag of toys at my work is...
πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Atrapenna
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report
A jogger sees a man in the park throwing his dog's toy in the trash. He stops and asks the man why he's doing this. The man says, "The ball has a picture of a dog printed on it." The jogger, still confused, asks what's wrong with that?

The man replies, "Something about it feels wrong, dude. It just feels like CanineBallism."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcatjazz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter was chasing her Peppa Pig toys with her toy dinosaur.

I looked over to my wife and said β€œLook!”

β€œIt’s Jurassic Pork.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcpux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree hasn’t been the worst thing that happened to me today.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘︎ 687
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree is not my least favorite thing.

But it’s definitely up there.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report

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