Help wanted from r/puns!
I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.
My ideas so far:
Ho chi(huahua) Min
Saddam Hussaint Bernard
I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!
Me- “You gave me one too many”
Shopkeeper- “that one is a freebie”
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
I think that's a bit far fetched.
"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"
They are the cat's pajamas.
Now I'm feeling a little down.
Now my life has no porpoise.
Bernie’s mountain dog!
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
Chief of Hoperations? Director of fuzz? Give me your best, most official sounding titles.
She closed due to terrier-able sales.
Ajay: Because he seems very shy - I'm hoping the psychiatrist can help me to bring him out of his shell.
Thought it was Corvid-19, but then bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
I said how much for the wasp?
He said he didn't sell wasps
I said well there's one in your window
Fowl play suspected.
Decided to make the best of it and turn him into tompost
And asks the proprietor if she could recommend a bird cage. The shopkeeper replies that she has both plastic and metal varieties.
“Well what kind of metal is used in the metal one?” he asks?
“I’m not sure. Aluminum, I think,” she responds.
“Do you happen to know if it contains any nickel?”
“No, I don’t believe it does,” she answers, looking puzzled.
“Ah,” says the man. “So what you’re saying is that it’s a nickel-less cage.”
On his butt-quack
...”That one is a freebie!”
She said, "Cats. They check all my boxes." We let that sink in before we both started laughing.
It's a purse anole day for her.
Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020
"No thanks, just looking around."
When they are going cheep
They're afraid of the spay station
Because it was a karma chameleon.
It's a lawnboa.
After he just bought 12 bees, the pet owner gave him 13 bees. The man asked the pet owner why he was given an extra bee. The pet owner answered,”The last one’s a free bee.”
It always gives me butterflies.
He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"
Apparently badgers can't be choosers.
But it’s fine - I’ve battened down the hutches.
I told her that stinks.
Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.
I said, “That’s completely pointless.”
They use paws!
"This is an X, parrot!"
They just stare at you while European
you hit rock bottom
He’s a little coy.
Now he's a see serpent.
But he can only draw hentai
The slogan is: One good tern deserves another.
He named it Michelle
It’s considered to be a personal fowl.
I told him I'll get him one off the web
It was a real pane in the asp.
But I couldn't afford the bill.
All I have now is a Nico-less cage.
You’ve got to be kitten me.
His loss has been a real birden
Now he's a calmer calmer calmer calmer calmer chameleon.
He makes cultured pearls.
Because he was my newt
So a guy decides he wants to buy the world's most unique pet. He goes to the pet store.
He looks at a cat and a dog. Not unique enough.
He looks at a hamster and a guinea pig. Please.
The pet store guy shows him a porpoise in a tank. He says "what's unique about that" and the pet store guy says "this one will live forever".
So he buys two.
He takes them home and puts them in his bathtub.
He feeds them. He tries feeding them fish, shrimp, waffles, everything. They won't eat anything.
So he goes back to the pet store, and says "they won't eat anything I give them" and the pet store guy says "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, the only thing they will eat is mynah birds."
He says "mynah birds. Really?" and the pet store guy says "yep".
So he buys a couple mynah birds and takes them home.
When he gets home, there's a lion sleeping on his front step. Yes, a lion.
He thinks, that's a little strange, but I've got these mynahs and I've got to feed my pets. So he steps over the... keep reading on reddit ➡
What a bitch.
“I don’t care what star sign it is” The guy replies.
Sister: Mom wants to have a pet but she hates cats and dogs. Since she wants to have a farm animal like the ones she grew up with on her farm, she’s bringing home a cow and keeping him as a pet.
Me: But I wanted to bring home a kitten to surprise her.
Sister: You can’t do that! She’ll have a cow!
Guess "Fido" was a bad choice.
Now I'm in the doghouse.
My goldfish died!
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
That one is a freebie
Now he’s just some bunny we used to know.
Pets I want to have....
An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck nam... keep reading on reddit ➡
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
Finally, I found my wife’s porpoise
If they were average, they would be seagulls
"You've given me one too many." "That one is a freebie."
Got bang for my buck
It gets a year bolder....
My friend just got a pet shrew and as everyone knows, pun names for pets are the best but I can't think of any so I need some help Any suggestions are much appreciated
You hit rock bottom.
Because I read in an issue of Cosmopolitan that women love a person that can give her multiple organisms.
Turns out it was just snake oil