Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddallthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.

He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.

As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.

Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.

When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,

"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..

"you're a-dog-ted"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/puzzlemaster1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.

He only went for a gander

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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I want to get a pet duck

But I’m broke and I hear they come with a huge bill.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loonmaster2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"

The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."

The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.

The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"

The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.

The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"

The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.

The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"

The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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My pet crocodile needs help

Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoSchifoso
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Pet owner: "Vet , my birds are stuck together."

Vet: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. It's toucan fusing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I feel bad for pet rocks sometimes....

Why do people take rocks for granited?

I just hope mine doesn't dieorite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.

Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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No matter how many times she tried, Sherlock Holmes' wife could never convince him to grow fond of her pet duck.

He was a master of the duck shun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patricosuave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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The best name for any pet is...

Peeve

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePegassi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I have a pet tree...

It's like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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It was so painful having to put my pet dog down today.

I might have to get my back checked out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yellgames01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday

He was very unhoppy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ineedapapaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."

Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly

... so I bought a seal iron

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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My pet chicken loves classical music. He always asks by name for his favorite

Bach.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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My son wants a porcupine with no quills as a pet, but I refused.

I said, β€œThat seems pointless.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...

so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...

High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.

It's a Cemer Tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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5 puppies were stolen from the pet shop yesterday....

Police are warning people to look out for anyone selling hot dogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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I got a new pet lizard, I named him Tiny....

because he’s my newt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarafina_312
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Goldfish are good pets, but...

Siamese fighting fish are Betta!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Son: Dad, why did you name your pet tarantula James Bond?

Dad: Because it’s a Spy Duh!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedWing_16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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My pet Ray fish died.

He is X Ray now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

Me- β€œYou gave me one too many”

Shopkeeper- β€œthat one is a freebie”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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What do you call a pet leech?

A little clingy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Do you know why so many people have pets ?

Because they are not allowed to have people anymore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom!

Sorry....πŸ™„

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_aPOKalipto_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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People ask me why I don’t go out much anymore, but I tell them it’s because I just bought a pet cow.

I have been milking that excuse for weeks now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Every time we asked our dad if we could have pets, he refused.

He said, β€œPets are just a step backwards.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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A pet shop selling dog products has been robbed.

Police have no leads to investigate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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My pet snake is 3.14 metres long

He's a Ο€ thon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ignorethevoices
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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According to the new rules this year, NFL players are no longer allowed to have a chicken as a pet.

It’s considered to be a personal fowl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months

Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegoodwookie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I fell asleep with my pet bunny in my bed last night.

I woke up with the hare standing on the back of my neck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitiesOfWar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My pet snake is mad

It's having a hisssssssssssyfits

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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When I go for a walk with my best friend, he can’t help but stop and pet every animal he sees. He just thinks they’re so adorable!

He has awwtism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?

All byte, no bark

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerilard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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I just got a pet tree

It’s just like a pet dog, only the bark is quieter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemondigitech
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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My pet frog broke his leg this morning...

He’s very unhoppy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I asked my dad, β€œCan we get some pets?”

My dad said, β€œNo. Pets are just a step backwards.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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