Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
Why do the French only eat one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
"What do sea monsters eat?"
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
My teacher was talking about how her new puppy likes to eat rocks and...
https://preview.redd.it/0v9ktic4jrc61.png?width=462&format=png&auto=webp&s=71d4573f3dce3295220e65c8756cfa02b7319211
Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.
I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".
What do Italian ghosts eat?
What type of a snack does a cannibal eat?
What do you call it when a candle eats another candle?
Why can't blind people eat fish?
What kind of snacks do firefighters eat?
What do you get when you eat too much peanut butter?
My friend said, “My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”
Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
My friend is addicted to watching other people eat a gingerbread house.
Doctors are calling it munch housing by proxy.
What do you eat for breakfast on cake day?
6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
If you eat beef, you automatically become accountable...
Because you’re now a steakholder
Why did the kids eat their homework?
Their teacher said it was a piece of cake.
I'm not supposed to eat anything too suite.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Why can't Neo eat his ice cream?
Because there is no spoon
What do cats eat on their birthdays?
What does cthulhu eat for breakfast?
Yog-urt and elder berries.
I was told not to eat the candy in court...
Inmates at HMP Manchester are refusing to eat the Moroccan spiced chicken dish they're given every Friday, claiming it is being used to secretly medicate them with aggression-suppressants hidden in the sauce.
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
You shouldn't eat stationery.
It could become a staple of your diet.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
Why do people from the alt right only eat fresh food?
- Because they hate left overs
Why can't blind people eat ocean fish?
Because it's see-food!
my 11 year old daughter ran in here while cooking greens and dropped that knowledge on us. I couldn't be more proud lol.
edit: just wanted to let those of you who have is awards that I appreciate it! I told my daughter about them and she asked if she can keep telling jokes for me to put on here lol. should get fairly interesting.
thanks all. I hope you had a great turkey gobble day
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
What's the coldest sandwich you can eat?
I tried to give the Uber Eats driver another tip for my Vietnamese soup.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
I grilled up some fish for dinner for a friend one time, they told me they didn't eat seafood.
I told them it was fine, because I caught the fish in a lake.
What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?
What does a gay horse eat?
Which part of the vegetable shouldn’t you eat?
Remember the good old days, when we used to eat cake, after someone blew all over it ?
Why did the cannibal eat the gymnast?
Because they wanted a well balanced diet.
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?
Because for them, one egg is un oeuff
Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
What do sprinters eat before a race?
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