I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
What does the Mandalorian use to clean up Baby Yoda's messes?
He uses Bounty [a paper towel brand in the US]
I'm very proud--my teenage son just came up with this one, though I see a few variations when searching through past dad jokes.
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
Before the crash, I use to be a a pretty good stand up comedian
Now I'm a sit down comedian.
What does Darth Vader use to move up and down?
Sisyphus met a neanderthal who amazed him by demonstrating how to use jet fuel to propel the boulder up the hill.
"It's not rock. It science."
I hired a firm to create an advertising campaign for me. Their idea was to use workbench clamps to hold the ads up for viewing.
I think that's just bad ad vise.
Did you hear that New Zealand came up with a new use for sheep?
They now use them for wool
To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car
So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases
What happens when a lighter uses up all its fluid?
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What do you use to clean up a spill in space?
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
What do old flies use to stand and stay up?
My GPS is difficult to use whenever I try to look up specific coordinates.
What does a car use to bulk up?
What do rappers use to clean up leaves?
A Drake!
*Not my joke, I asked my Amazon Alexa to tell me a joke and this is what she said. This deserves some exposure imo :)
I just came up with this. I've never heard it but thinking about it, it is similar to other jokes. Wouldn't it be better to use Hittles instead of Missles?
Did you hear about the award they give out to people who only use suspenders to keep their pants up?
It's called the No-belt Prize.
When Luke Skywalker was growing up, he sometimes forgot to use utensils while eating.
So, Owen and Beru had to say "Use the fork, Luke."
Daughter made this up. Where do you go to find spices they no longer use?
Wine makers could probably use some cheering up
You know, from all depressing.
Wifey warned me "Don't use the butter left out on the bench. The kitties got up and were licking it."
"Yeah I don't wanna use that cat-lick butter...
That's worse than that Anglican butter."
Can't wait until my boy grows up so I can use these (3 month old)
"Dad, I'm hungry"
"Hi hungry I'm dad"
"Dad do u wanna play soccer with me"
"I would love to but it's not allowed to kick your kids"
What did communist Chinese use to ride up mountains?
Sometimes when I go to pick up chicks I use a fake name: Paul Knight
So that I can say I'm a Paul Knight to get lucky.
Made this one up today, i'm not a father yet but I can't wait to use it when my kids graduate
Works best out loud..
"You know how at most schools student who reach certain GPA's are awarded either Magna cum Laude or Summa Cum Laude or something along those lines? What do the students who get 2.0's get?
Thank the Laude!"
My dad retired from UPS as a truck driver and uses this when he scares us by his driving.
Me: Dad take it easy you are scaring the shit out of us
Dad: Not to worry I am a semi professional driver
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
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