What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?
What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?
Why do dad jokes often use puns?
Uses Pun, It's Super Effective
Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.
I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.
He cows his enemies with bad jokes.
Apparently you can't use "beefsoup" as a password.
A judicious use of the board.
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
What do you hear when a Pterodactyl uses a toilet?
Nothing because the pee is silent.
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
Be sure to use Pure L if you are unable to wash your hands!
What kind of lure do you use to trap popular people?
My dad always use to say ‘Two heads are better than one.'
A wonderful father.
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with
I prefer to use the vacuum cleaner with boxing gloves on
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
I have asked my wife to use chrome rather than other web browsers
I just don't like to see her on edge so much.
My dad taught me how to use a Phillips today
Next time I'll use my fingers
Why can’t you hear psychopaths when they use the bathroom?
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
Why do they always use thieves as the high speed units in RPGs?
Because they're so dodgy.
Did you know that dogs can’t use MRI’s?
I think we all should use nothing but mops and brooms to clean our floors
I guess that means I'm anti-vacs.
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.
Here’s why presidents don’t use convertible cars anymore.
The facts are mind blowing.
The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.
The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.
What type of currency do aliens use in outer space?
What do you use to make a mole of guacamole?
There was no fork to stir my eggs, and though my wife asked me not to use it for this purpose
It was a whisk I had to take
My one new years resolution was to start to use my Velcro wall more.
So far I'm sticking to it.
Do not use "BEEFSTEW" as a password
Not a joke: does anyone have any Dad jokes that I can use on my 5-year-old? I see maybe one joke per week on here that she would understand. Do we need a r/youngerdadjokes?
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?
Because they've got the Write Stuff.
What type of lettuce do skeletons use for their salads?
Do not use beef stew as a password
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?
What does the pope use to send his blessings?
I once worked at a place where I had to use a pay-to-cross bridge 10 times a day...
Kansas airlines won’t let you use baggage claim for unruly children
Guess I’ll have to carry on my wayward son.
(Not mine, saw on Facebook)
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.
What do matadors use to keep their skin moisturized after a bullfight?
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
What should you use to fix your mask if it breaks?
What does Tina Turner use to paint with?
What type of laws do the LGBT community use?
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks
I like to use the word mucho around my Spanish friends....
because I know it means a lot to them
What dating app does Tony hawk use?
What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse
What do you use to call for help while on a boat?
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...
Someone asked me why I use lots of spices whenever I cook
So I said thyme is of the essence
My son asked if he could use the garage so he could jam with his band.
I broke the bad news: we only have marmalade in this house.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years
Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.
We got back to the house and my nephew said...
Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.
Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?
Nephew: no. Is it still broken?
Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.
He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.
Here’s a plastic fork to keep in your car, I didn’t use it.
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.
Now those days are behind me.
Kids, dont use alcohol.
An alcohol leads to an alcodoor which opens up into an alcoroom. You don't want to see what's in the alcoroom.
When a hippopotamus uses the toilet
What do Russians use to go online?
What adjective do you use to describe a pirate with a big butt?
Thiccccccc with seven C's
When my son asked me which of two boat paddles he should use, I said:
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I’m debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
I’m trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....
But there’s too many steps.
Q: What key do you use when opening a banana?
Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.
You could say they are charging a Pee-mium.
I find it so sad that the US uses another unit other than °C or K for measuring temperature.
What skincare product do bullfighters use?
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ
It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home
There’s a rampant serial killer who uses a drill...
Kills his victims bit by bit
Why do you never let a cephalopod use your toilet?
Because they leave squid marks
I would tell a joke about how to use rope...
but it is knot that funny.
What do taxidermists use when they have a parrot to work with?
I'm going to use a colander to view the next solar eclipse.
I'll just have to be careful not to strain my eyes.
Apparently you can't use 'beefstew' as a password.
What does a skeleton use for archery
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
Why doesn't Batman use his cellphone?
Because he's always got a bat signal!