What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?

The punisher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?

Ted Pundy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WD40911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Why do dad jokes often use puns?

To punish others.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thedasvot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Uses Pun, It's Super Effective

Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/firetruckpilot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
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I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.

He cows his enemies with bad jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueRam1409
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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Why do astronauts use linux?

because you can't open windows in space.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...

I guess I have to keep holding it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
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I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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Why is β€œbeefstew” an unsafe password to use?

Because it’s not Stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peytonmi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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Why did NASA use numbers instead of letters for the Apollo series?

Because if Apollo-F crashed, they’d have to make an Apollo-G.

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colevanders
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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Don't use the word "EGG" for your password...

It's very easily cracked.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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Why can't athiests use exponents?

Because they don't believe in a higher power.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kymoo6
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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What should you use with Batman shampoo?

Conditioner Gordon

πŸ‘︎ 569
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oobedoo321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What did the vegetarian use to fix his flat tire?

I don't know, asparagus?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NecroUknown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
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Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often

In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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What do you use to cut a Roman Emperor’s hair?

Caesars.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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He could finally use it
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveHood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.

Just giving cReddit where it's due.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Pre- means before. Post- means after. To use both prefixes together,

...would be preposterous

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amar610
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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I was told I can't use eBay anymore.

I don't know why exactly, they just said it was for biddin'

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noobulyzer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
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When rowing I never know which paddle to use.

I guess it's a case of either-oar.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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Teacher: "Use the word sugar in a sentence."

Student: "The tea is too sweet."

Teacher: "Where is sugar in the sentence?"

Student: "In the tea!!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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If you wanted to take a bunch of bullets and forge them into a sword fit for a king what Caliber would you use?

Excalibur

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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Curse the creator of autocorrect! I asked my friend what the best shampoo to use was, and he replied β€œPanettone”.

That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Manpag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.

It’s a real head scratcher.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Why don’t people use bulls to travel?

Because they go when the stop light is red!

(Sorry if this was bad)

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeet_Boi21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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What’s the explosive a miner uses?

The bomb-diggity

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ft_a_ladder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...

All she does is paws and unpaws.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NBE01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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What kind of glue can you use to hold ice blocks together?

igloo

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What does a dyslexic war general use for his bad breath?

Guerrilla TicTacs.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/southwoodhunter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What did the ice cream maker use to water his garden?

A sprinkle system.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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After a few uses, I decided to get rid of my vacuum.

It sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...

The 'Times' are rough

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac_OrchardYT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.

The plumber told me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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Does anyone still use this thread?

I haven't seen anyone since last year

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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Why did the bacteria use the employee entrance?

Because they were staph

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomisedmind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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What do you call a pastry that uses a thesaurus?

A synonym roll.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacobellforlyfe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What type of phone does David Berkowitz use?

Sung of Sam.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trashconverters
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers

Bear Grills

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carcival
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!

This is not the right whey.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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If you don't use a bidet...

You're doing a half-assed job.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
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What do scientists use to freshen their breath?

Experimints

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nougat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
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What is a necromancer's favourite word to use to cast a spell?

"Abracadaver!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Apparently you can’t use β€˜beefstew’ as a pass word

It’s not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why do ghosts like to use elevators?

Because it lifts up their spirits

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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What weapon do angels use?

A HARPoon

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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Used to never be able to use the wifi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.

Now I have a stable connection.

πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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