What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?

The punisher.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a serial killer who frequently uses puns?

Ted Pundy

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WD40911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Why do dad jokes often use puns?

To punish others.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedasvot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Uses Pun, It's Super Effective

Me: Let me see your fan.
Friend: *shows me fan*
Me: I'm much bigger than that. Some might even say your biggest...
Friend: I need you to leave.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firetruckpilot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm writing a story about a minotaur who uses puns.

He cows his enemies with bad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueRam1409
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can't use "beefsoup" as a password.

It isn't stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 668
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttered_t0asties
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25
🚨︎ report
A judicious use of the board.
πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Well we can't use tables due to lockdown.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Eggs use me. What?
πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
What do you hear when a Pterodactyl uses a toilet?

Nothing because the pee is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zuwiboiii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24
🚨︎ report
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26
🚨︎ report
Be sure to use Pure L if you are unable to wash your hands!
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandwiches_621
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25
🚨︎ report
What kind of lure do you use to trap popular people?
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
My dad always use to say β€˜Two heads are better than one.'

A wonderful father.

Terrible surgeon.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Go ahead, use the ramp

If you feel so inclined

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/--who
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
I wanted to make a post with a joke about musical notes. I first attempted to use Do or Mi, but in the end I went with

a Re post.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30
🚨︎ report
I prefer to use the vacuum cleaner with boxing gloves on

They call me Dyson Fury

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Barderz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30
🚨︎ report
I have asked my wife to use chrome rather than other web browsers

I just don't like to see her on edge so much.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tommigord
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
Use daily
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
My dad taught me how to use a Phillips today

I screwed it up

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/broe17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29
🚨︎ report
Next time I'll use my fingers
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear psychopaths when they use the bathroom?

Because the P is silent

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AJSaporno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17
🚨︎ report
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Why do they always use thieves as the high speed units in RPGs?

Because they're so dodgy.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSquigles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Did you know that dogs can’t use MRI’s?

But cat scan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0jack_robinson0
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28
🚨︎ report
I think we all should use nothing but mops and brooms to clean our floors

I guess that means I'm anti-vacs.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nashvulnative
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I use Ironman sounds in my phones event calander for important stuff.

It's a Stark reminder.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zerogummi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
Here’s why presidents don’t use convertible cars anymore.

The facts are mind blowing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woof_574
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
The school made the use of "bullet points" illegal because it incited violence in the classroom, and I must admit I couldn't have cared less. That's all changed now, though.

The bus driver isn't allowed to drive my kids anymore because we live on a dead end street.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
What tech do aliens use?

Samsung Galaxy

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustTheNewFella
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
What type of currency do aliens use in outer space?

Starbucks

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sh3dinja
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
What do you use to make a mole of guacamole?

Avogadros

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuelTurn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19
🚨︎ report
There was no fork to stir my eggs, and though my wife asked me not to use it for this purpose

It was a whisk I had to take

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
My one new years resolution was to start to use my Velcro wall more.

So far I'm sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdollard333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
Do not use "BEEFSTEW" as a password

It's not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 338
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Not a joke: does anyone have any Dad jokes that I can use on my 5-year-old? I see maybe one joke per week on here that she would understand. Do we need a r/youngerdadjokes?

Punchline

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tippopotamus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
Why does NASA give astronauts pencils to use in space?

Because they've got the Write Stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
What type of lettuce do skeletons use for their salads?

Human Romaines

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nosaggio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
Do not use beef stew as a password

It is not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What do orca whales at sea world use to wash themselves?

Shampu

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
What does the pope use to send his blessings?

Pray-pal

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hvr1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
I once worked at a place where I had to use a pay-to-cross bridge 10 times a day...

That took a toll!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Kansas airlines won’t let you use baggage claim for unruly children

Guess I’ll have to carry on my wayward son.

(Not mine, saw on Facebook)

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kilmarnock228
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
I've just bought a bottle of head lice treatment but there's no instructions on how to use it.

It's left me scratching my head to be honest.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!

If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
What do matadors use to keep their skin moisturized after a bullfight?

Oil of OlΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"

It didn't help, but I knew he meant well

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HarryGoLocky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
What should you use to fix your mask if it breaks?

Masking tape

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
What does Tina Turner use to paint with?

Second Hand Emulsion

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GenestealerUK
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
What type of laws do the LGBT community use?

Bylaws

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyFox-RUH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Use it wisely
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FiresideLamb961
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.

Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to use the word mucho around my Spanish friends....

because I know it means a lot to them

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtweed_dude
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
What dating app does Tony hawk use?

Grindr

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadyshdy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse

A **stealthoscope**

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
What do you use to call for help while on a boat?

A sail phone

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
I was at the supermarket and I picked up these little odd shaped onions. When I got home my wife asked should she use them for dinner tonight, I told her "Yes, but they're quite strong so...

...don't use shallot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__itsyaboi__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me why I use lots of spices whenever I cook

So I said thyme is of the essence

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
My son asked if he could use the garage so he could jam with his band.

I broke the bad news: we only have marmalade in this house.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingBone69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
What currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Here’s a plastic fork to keep in your car, I didn’t use it.

It’s very forktunate.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minnara
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Once we were so poor, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper.

Now those days are behind me.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Kids, dont use alcohol.

An alcohol leads to an alcodoor which opens up into an alcoroom. You don't want to see what's in the alcoroom.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
When a hippopotamus uses the toilet

It’s a hippo-potty-mess

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimD_43
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
What do Russians use to go online?

the internyet

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ezekiaz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
What adjective do you use to describe a pirate with a big butt?

Thiccccccc with seven C's

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BringerOfLemonade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
When my son asked me which of two boat paddles he should use, I said:

"Either oar."

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…

It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I’m debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...

It’s row v. wade.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LavenderBlue_
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I’m trying to teach my grandpa how to use his wheelchair better....

But there’s too many steps.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Q: What key do you use when opening a banana?

A: A monkey!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nuk3st
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.

You could say they are charging a Pee-mium.

πŸ‘︎ 498
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reefay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I find it so sad that the US uses another unit other than Β°C or K for measuring temperature.

F.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocker230
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What skincare product do bullfighters use?

Oil of OlΓ©.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_a_turtle
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of toilet rolls you have at home

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
There’s a rampant serial killer who uses a drill...

Kills his victims bit by bit

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TNormus
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Why do you never let a cephalopod use your toilet?

Because they leave squid marks

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I would tell a joke about how to use rope...

but it is knot that funny.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
What do taxidermists use when they have a parrot to work with?

Polly-filler.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
I'm going to use a colander to view the next solar eclipse.

I'll just have to be careful not to strain my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0Squid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can't use 'beefstew' as a password.

>!It's not stroganoff.!<

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PresentCode
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
What does a skeleton use for archery

A bone and marrow

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Adorm_Snormp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.

They pared up nicely.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't Batman use his cellphone?

Because he's always got a bat signal!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metroidfan220
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report

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