Do we practice neck-romancy here?
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︎ May 16 2021
Why couldn't the chili practice archery?
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︎ Apr 29 2021
I went to my funeral practice again
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︎ May 21 2021
Practice safe eating...
... always use a condiment
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︎ May 22 2021
Why couldn't the bell pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenero!
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︎ Mar 25 2021
What religion does a bacteria practice
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︎ Apr 07 2021
My friend owns a home siding company with a shady business practice.
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︎ May 02 2021
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
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︎ Feb 23 2021
They say practice healthy eatingโฆ
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
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︎ Aug 24 2020
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
Theyโre free range archers now.
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Iโm not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
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︎ Jul 07 2020
I may not be a dad for a while, but Iโm getting some good practice in.
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︎ Oct 19 2019
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldnโt stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
My army instructor told me he didnโt see me at camouflage practice today.
โThank you, sir!โ I replied.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
I had a minor accident at the practice
Accidentally played a major
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︎ May 24 2020
Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
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︎ Aug 05 2020
What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?
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︎ Mar 23 2020
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
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︎ Apr 17 2020
What type of practice is Dr. Pepper?
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︎ Dec 22 2019
What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Wife: Remember to practice safe snacks and to use condiments
Me: Baby stop, youโre making me hungry
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︎ Mar 25 2020
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
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︎ Jun 19 2020
I always use avocados in target practice...
I guess you could make some Glockamole.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
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︎ Jan 23 2020
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over"
Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over"
Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
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︎ Jan 11 2019
With daily practice, the lumberjackโs musical ability improved
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︎ Mar 19 2020
I don't practice "social distancing."
After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.
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︎ Mar 15 2020
Did your mom have to remind you to practice piano?
No, I did it on my own a chord.
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︎ Dec 10 2019
Do you suppose Amish pyromaniacs practice barn razing?
When Amish build barns it's called "barn raising". But raze is also a term to destroy, ruin or flatten.
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︎ May 30 2019
What do you call a practice tickle?
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︎ Nov 02 2019
Who needs sex when you can practice your unicycle puns
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︎ Jul 25 2018
What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?
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︎ Feb 03 2019
Why wasn't the pony able to sing his solo at choir practice?
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︎ Aug 21 2019
Yiu know what kind of Martial Arts Jesus practices?
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︎ Nov 07 2019
A man showed up to my psychiatric practice dressed only in Saran Wrap requesting diagnosis.
I told him, โI can plainly see your nuts.โ
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︎ Jun 30 2019
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
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︎ Sep 02 2019
What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?
Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes
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︎ Aug 24 2019
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
because It didn't habenero . .
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery
Because it didn't habanero
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︎ Oct 03 2020
Why couldn't the Green Pepper practice Archery?
because it didn't habanero
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︎ Sep 09 2020
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
. . . because it didn't habanero!
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︎ Sep 04 2020
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