Do we practice neck-romancy here?
Why couldn't the chili practice archery?
I went to my funeral practice again
Practice safe eating...
... always use a condiment
Why couldn't the bell pepper practice archery?
Because he didn't habenero!
What religion does a bacteria practice
My friend owns a home siding company with a shady business practice.
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
They say practice healthy eating…
Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year's Eve?
What do you call a killing before yoga practice?
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
They’re free range archers now.
I’m not good with conversations, so I practice talking to large rocks.
It helps me speak boulder.
I may not be a dad for a while, but I’m getting some good practice in.
My son had a rough time at little league practice - after striking out three times, he lost interest and wouldn’t stop smelling the dandelions in the outfield, getting one stuck in his nose.
My army instructor told me he didn’t see me at camouflage practice today.
“Thank you, sir!” I replied.
I had a minor accident at the practice
Accidentally played a major
Everyone keeps telling me to practice social distancing,
but when am I supposed to stop practicing and actually do it?
What do you call sick highschoolers who practice social distancing?
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
What type of practice is Dr. Pepper?
What do you call it when a bowler knocks down all the pins in a practice frame?
Wife: Remember to practice safe snacks and to use condiments
Me: Baby stop, you’re making me hungry
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
I always use avocados in target practice...
I guess you could make some Glockamole.
I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today
Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.
All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.
Tonight I took my son to hockey practice and realized my wife forgot to pack his jersey from the dryer.
She told me she had everything, and I was in a rush. So it got left behind. Figured it out right away as we were getting him changed and messaged my wife. She said she would bring it right away. I told my son "You mom is going to run your jersey over"
Without skipping a beat, he replied "Well that won't work, practice will probably be over. I wish she would just drive it over"
Then he gave me a huge grin. I told him he won the dad joke of the day and he continued smiling all the way until bedtime.
With daily practice, the lumberjack’s musical ability improved
I don't practice "social distancing."
After 30 years of social anxiety and a deep disgust of humanity in general, I operate on an "expert" level.
Did your mom have to remind you to practice piano?
No, I did it on my own a chord.
Do you suppose Amish pyromaniacs practice barn razing?
When Amish build barns it's called "barn raising". But raze is also a term to destroy, ruin or flatten.
What do you call a practice tickle?
Who needs sex when you can practice your unicycle puns
What do you call a veterinarian who practices chiropracty?
Why wasn't the pony able to sing his solo at choir practice?
Yiu know what kind of Martial Arts Jesus practices?
A man showed up to my psychiatric practice dressed only in Saran Wrap requesting diagnosis.
I told him, “I can plainly see your nuts.”
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?
Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
because It didn't habenero . .
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery
Because it didn't habanero
Why couldn't the Green Pepper practice Archery?
because it didn't habanero
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why couldn't the green pepper practice archery?
. . . because it didn't habanero!
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