The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man

... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SumFunnyOne
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
It’s been a long running tradition for my family to, once a year, jog to the nearest clothes store and back

I guess it just runs in the jeans

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My dad has a tradition of wearing pink whenever he does his jog

It’s a bit of a running joke in the family

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndyWR10
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Good thing getting old isn’t a tradition

Cause it would die out quickly

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rFireforce
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
It's tradition in my family to always put up the Chris-mas decorations the day after Thanksgiving
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamilliousThePaws
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A yearly tradition, my family gets together and everyone rides in a wagon thru the city, saying "hello" to all people on the street...

It's our hey-ride.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
It's a tradition

Q: Where's the best place to get a Christmas goose?

A: Under the mistletoe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OX_Bigly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do we have the tradition of blowing out candles on birthday cakes?

So we don't burn our faces when we eat it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.

http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hhjrxymos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
🚨︎ report
I may have gotten my hatred of English tradition from dad...

But I can only speculate because he was an absent-tea father.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A beautiful tradition

Martial arts is as much spiritual training as it is physical training. In fact, there is a school of martial arts in Korea where practitioners would spend large portions of the day just meditating.

As they train their spirits to ponder over their place in the universe, the practitioners would also train their bodies to forgo the needs of the physical world. The practitioners would endure days on end without sleep, and live on a single loaf of bread for an entire month.

As they meditate, they would repeat the mantra: β€œI am one with the universe, it sleeps not so I shall not sleep. This bread is my only worldly attachment but I shall only TAKE ONE DOUGH”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlemagnalpaca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
In the time honored tradition, President Trump pardoned two turkeys this Thanksgiving.

Trump Jr and Eric were mighty relieved.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin08
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Canning pickles is a serious tradition in my family.

No really, it's a big dill.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Bucking tradition, I put my picture in a locket for my best girl...

I am so independent.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Borskaegel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Christmas, a time for passing on traditions

I bought a bottle of whiskey for our pastor and when my son saw it he said, "straight rye whiskey ... the true spirit of Christmas."

He's going to make a great dad someday.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akustix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report
It's a family tradition to watch Jingle All The Way every year....

Me: "Is Phil Hartman the one who was killed by his wife?"
Mom: "Yup."
Dad: "Shot him right in the heart, man."
Mom (genuinely): "Did she really?"

my sister, dad, and I just started cracking up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spud641
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Why does the melon have to have a big traditional wedding?

Because it Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunkz3n
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old's first joke

What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter

Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rushpig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I don't understand all this hate towards non traditional number systems

I for 1, love Roman numerals.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
What animal is traditionally hunted with an atlatl?

Cattlecattle

Sorry, may not be a dad joke, my wife actually laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pepik_knize
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
I saw my friend stealing some traditional Japanese clothing.

Kimono she didn’t!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaterminator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
I've got an idea for a Morrocan restaurant. It's gonna serve traditional food but cooked in non traditional, anti-authoritarian ways....

...I'm gonna call it 'Rage Against The Tajine'

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
See what they did there
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasP993
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
What fruit always has a traditional marriage?

Cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Traditional Japanese poet smokes pot

He wanted to write haiku

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanthemute
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Local buffet was out of traditional Indian flatbread

I told them it was a naan issue.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JAM3SBND
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was wrestling with my 7 yr old just now and introduced him to "stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

I feel that i have passed the tradition down yet another generation. Im going to live forever!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I made a meal, with parts from every culture, using traditional Chinese methods

It was from all Woks of Life

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrequelsAMIRIGHT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What is brown and sticky?

A stick

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NothingHereBuddy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Greek food

Did you know that, traditionally, when you serve people Greek food, you're not supposed to warn them about it?

You need to present them with a feta-compli.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arshwana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Me can't apologize enough for ripping traditional Indian dress.

Me Sew Sari.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Traditionally, there are no blues used in oil paintings

That's a water color.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jas280z
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Grandmother's hair sweater.

My mother just told me she was sending me a sweater made of my grandmother's hair. As if that isn't bothersome enough, she's also sending me the tool used to make it. Evidently, she expects my wife to make one as well, keeping with tradition.

"Mom," I said, "This is so awful. Please don't send me that stuff."

"But Ben," she says, "It's a family hair loom."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BenTheGrey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I was standing in the backyard staring into the distance. My wife asked what I’m doing?

I said there’s a long standing tradition in my family. She asked what is it? I said I just told you.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bringojackprot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
A traditional French omelette only has one egg

I thought it was strange, that all omelettes are so small, but in France they say that one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paronomasiac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do melons have traditional weddings?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what Italians traditionally eat every Halloween?

Why, a nice big bowl of fettuccine afraid-o of course.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of melon is traditionally served at weddings?

Cantaloupe (can’t elope)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hopkinsa17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
TIL the reason santa supposedly enters through the chimney is because that's traditionally how you were supposed to bring the christmas tree inside.

They decided to change it though because it was a pine in the ash

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gormtex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen.

In fact, there is still no e-quill.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
as a mathematician, I can confirm that we don't mind traditional houses, but we'd still prefer...

...log cabins

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ragnar_slothbrok
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2016
🚨︎ report
I tried a traditional Malaysian dress made of wool.

Sarong, but felt so right.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What's an invisable, cool guy In traditional Dutch shoes?

inclogneato

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blahboy10
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you know that traditionally, in france, omelettes were made with only one egg?

Because one egg is un oueff!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tasmanicus12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What did German kings wear

Leaderhosen.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenyOneOOne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Circumcision Puns Aren't Funny

My wife gave birth to our first son on Friday. This morning they came to get him for his circumscion and we were feeding him a bottle. The nurse said we were going to have to cut it short. I said ok, but not too short. And nobody laughed. They looked at me like an idiot. Hopefully the internet will appreciate this.

EDIT: Didn't expect this to garner so much attention, but I guess it deserves some elaboration. Yes, this actually happened and we had our son circumcised. Everything went well without any complications. I made this decision with my wife based on hygienic, traditional, and aesthetic reasons, and I am confident in my decision. I am circumcised, and I'm happy with it.

There are times in my son's life that i will need to make decisions for him, and this was one of those times. I understand that some people think I have committed a terrible crime against my son, but I disagree. There are many arguments for both sides, and I think these decisions should be made by family and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oemus2776
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
(Dad joke inspired from work today)

It's tradition to bring baked goods (typically doughnuts) after you get your security clearance. I never bothered to ask why. I just figured it was a nice thing to do. Then it hit me...

Doughnuts and bagels are granted on a knead-to-dough basis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
So my Dad is interested in Traditional Chinese Cooking

He's been talking about get the right equipment for years but has never gone through with it.

He can talk the talk but can he wok the wok?

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jmike3543
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
🚨︎ report
In Israel, when a basketball player makes a shot without hitting the backboard or the rim, it's traditional to have some chocolate drink.

It's called "Nothing but Netanyahu".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edhere
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Looking for pun for my beer

Hey redditors, I need your wit for a good cause,

I'm gonna graduate in less than two weeks and in my country (Italy) is traditional to give a token to those who attend the graduation and for that reason I've decided to brew some beers and give a bottle each. I'm now in the process of deciding the name of my beer and I would like to have something witty and cool but have no idea.

The possible themes would be graduation (or laurea in italian), bioengineering, biomedical engineering, engineering or, best of all, BOOBS (or any synonym) as that's the theme of my master thesis.

Thanks in advance for any help I'll get

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azkabainemule
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do melons have traditional weddings?

Because they can't elope!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Idontlikejokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Ageing ...

A time-honoured tradition.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Not traditional but not out of place...

http://imgur.com/mxHklaL I'm going to be lambasted for this, I know.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/same_as
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
🚨︎ report
You guys liked my previous post about my Dads pre-emergency surgery Dad joke...

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/btsq5u/my_dad_will_be_telling_dad_jokes_till_the_end/

Well, I remembered something else he said once that I find hilarious (now) that you may also.

When I was a kid my chore was to do the dishes, by hand, after every meal bar holidays when I had help and the week of my birthday. One particular time, I must have been about 15 when I asked my Dad, Why don't we use the dishwasher, its easier and it's right next to me?

In the proud tradition of Dads before him he answered, We are using the dishwasher, now hurry up and quit complaining.

I laugh now in hindsight, and for some reason really enjoy doing dishes by hand.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Not a traditional dad joke, but a dad-ism.

My dad answered a phone call from a telemarketer. "Hello? .... Get a real job." Click.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dsubandbeard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
🚨︎ report
You need an IQ of 200 to get this computer pun.

A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.

This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.

Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<

Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoatNoodles1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What do laser guns and churches have in common?

Pew

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue__Wind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2015
🚨︎ report
One of my dad's few true "dad jokes"

My dad doesn't have a traditional "dad joke" sense of humor, but this one was great. My family was driving to church one day and my sister noticed an empty jar under one of the seats. My sister asked why it was there, but she phrased it as, "what's this?" My dad replied, with a mischievous grin, "it's sailboat fuel."

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamTMartian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My Thanksgiving Confession

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgivin

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M3gaC00l
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Spider-Man is bisexual?

Because he swings both ways.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NarnianTemp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report
What are you left with ...

... if your Penguin donates his eyes?
Just a Pengun.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A lumberjack died in the woods...

There once was a lumberjack who was known as the hardest working lumberjack in the woods. Old Doolittle Dawort Deigh had a reputation and the complete respect of his coworkers for nearly 60 years. As we all know, tough lumberjacks can’t have sissy names. So many years ago, as was the tradition in the woods, old Doolittle Dawort Deigh was saddled with a nickname and had become known as simply Do Dah.

One tragic afternoon, old Do Dah was working his trade when a tree happened to fall the wrong way. Poor old Do Dah was squished flatter than a lumberjack flapjack. His coworkers, distraught at the thought of breaking the news of Do Dah’s death to his elderly wife, decided that perhaps if bad news was presented in a somewhat good way, it might soften the blow.

So that afternoon, old Do Dah’s fellow lumberjacks gathered on the stoop of the now widowed Mrs. Deigh and hesitantly knocked on the door. It took a few minutes for the old widow to make it across the room to the door. Finally as the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/philo-sopher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Every damn time . . .

Whenever my mom would make waffles...

Dad: "You know at times like these I sure am glad for the letter W, cause without it these would be simply awful.

Its the longest standing tradition in my family, going on 20 years....

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TURK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoke'd my dad at dinner tonight

So my whole family went out for the traditional Jewish Christmas Eve dinner of Chinese food, and I marveled at how good the place was, since we'd never tried it out before. Dad says it was a recommendation from a friend of his who I didn't know; I asked what she did and he said she was a 2-year old nursery school teacher.

I replied, "Wow, she must be pretty advanced for a 2-year old if they let her teach nursery school!" My step-mom laughed, then looked at me, then back at my dad, and went "well, he's definitely got your sense of humor."

πŸ‘︎ 267
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksplosiveness
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming

Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.

Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!

Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and br

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
What does pasta say when it's done praying?

Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seanjenkins
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Ο€r^2

But traditionally, they’re circular.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObligatoryStory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Are you alright?

No, I'm half left.


My fiance told me last night, while discussing terrible but great jokes, that her dad would let that one rip all too frequently when she was younger. Much eye rolling. I think it's hilarious and will pass on the tradition when we spawn smaller humans.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IsaacJDean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were discussing buying a house with some land in the future...

And she said "Yeah if we have stables, we can offer livery services. People pay a lot for that."

I said, "yeah, and you can also grow some crops, like onions, if we had the land."

Long pause...

"Then you can offer livery and onion services!"

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyewitBass
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
🚨︎ report
The bride-to-be and her soon-to-be mother-in-law didn't agree on much during the wedding planning

Both being from Texas, the MIL wanted something BIG and fancy. And the BTB wanted more of a traditional outdoors gathering. They couldn't even agree on what to serve their guests for dinner. As the date approached, they were barely speaking to each other.

In the end, it was a chili reception.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad at a restaurant. He's done this ever since I can remember.

If I go out to eat with my dad and we have any leftovers, I know every time what's going to happen.

Waiter/Waitress: "You want a box for that?" (Sounds like "You wanna box for that?")

Dad: Raises fists into traditional boxing pose "I think I can take you."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nraws
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
One of my junior sailors asked me why divers fall backwards into the water.

"Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

Back story. We give the new guys a hard time. It's tradition. Whenever we get a new kid they always send them to me with one of these questions.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivey090
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad's simplistic Jokes that I now find funny

Side Note: I'm older and moved out of the house and I find these jokes funny now. I just found this sub and wanted to share a piece of my childhood.

When I was around 10 years old, I jumped in a pool and instantly started shivering. My dad looks at me and says "Did the turtle go back in the shell?"

Another time, my older brother was making a sandwich and had it finished sitting on a plate on the counter. My brother turned around to put the stuff away in the fridge and in that minuet my dad walked up stairs grabbed the sandwich and walked back down stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lurchman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Steak at a Chinese restaurant

A family walks into a Chinese restaurant and everyone orders traditional Chinese food except Dad.

He has to have a steak, medium rare with rice.

After everone finishes, the waiter asks if everyone enjoyed the meal, everyone agrees that it was lovely but Dad says nothing

The waiter turns to Dad and asks "did you enjoy your meal sir?"

Dad replies" it was okay but the steak was rubbery"

The Chinese waiter beams with a smile from ear to ear and says "thank you so much, I'll tell the chef"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dave_o1987
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I never could figure out how they make the glaze on pretzels.

Turns out, there's a very basic solution for that problem.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nuez_jr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Laughed for the entire duration of the shit.

It's a family tradition to make homemade chili when it gets cold out. My girlfriend and I went through a full size crocpot of it in one afternoon. The next day I stepped outside for a smoke and suddenly, it hit me like my ass had just struck oil. I ran inside, scrambling towards the back of the house, but she thought I was running in from the cold and asked, "Chilly out, babe?" To which I replied "All of it!!!!"

edit:grammar

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DibsHTX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2014
🚨︎ report
We announced my wife is pregnant to my parents...

My wife has a period in her name (legit). I said that I'd like to keep the tradition for baby names. My dad says to my wife:

"Well, the baby can take your period because yours is missing!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Garbluck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I was on holiday in Poland...

...with a fellow Dad last weekend when we walked past what looked very much like a strip club. He was a little surprised to find such an establishment in the rather staid seaside resort we were staying in, so I explained that we were in a country with a long and respectable tradition of Pole dancing.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PonyMamacrane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Doctor Dad

Not a traditional dadjoke, but my dad always thought this one was hilarious.

Me: "Dad, my (insert body part) hurts when I bend it this way."
Dad: "Well, don't do that then."

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lvl12Paladin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Punrelenting word play at the Rose Parade

New Year's Day... The start of a fresh 365 sunrises that symbolize a turning point in lifestyle and spending the entire day recovering from a dreadful hangover. Like many other people in America, this relatively fake holiday is a time that I spend with my family. One of my family's many traditions (alongside annihilating plates of buffalo wings and watching college football until we pass out on the couch) is watching the Rose Parade. At the very beginning of the event, before all of the flower-covered floats and high school bands came marching down the street, there was an introductory ceremony complete with a B-2 stealth bomber flyover. As soon as they passed by, zooming out of the camera's frame, my dad leans in closer to me and says "Well I sure didn't see that coming!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
My grandfather really annoyed my mom after I was born with this one

My great grandfather, grandfather, and dad all have the same name. So of course my dad carried on the family tradition naming me candyman337 IV.

When they told my grandfather he said "Now we've got the terd and the fart" pointing to my dad and then to me.

My mother was not pleased, but my dad was cracking up!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/candyman337
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about making a line of health food products...

I would only use traditional German recipes.

I would call it "Gluten Tag".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JinglesRasco
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjokes go under-appreciated on Facebook

A friend of mine is giving away two tickets to the Regions Tradition in Birmingham, and posted a status on Facebook seeing if there were any takers. His phrasing:

"Who do I know that is a big golf fan?"

Well, I couldn't let this one go.

"I don't like big golf, but I'm a huge fan of mini golf".

At least one person in the status thought I was funny.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/studionashvegas
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Grandad dropped this one on us...

We are discussing what food we are going to order at the restaurant:

Mum: What about smothered chicken?

Grandad: Could I get one that was traditionally slaughtered please?

... He was a butcher.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emphs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
🚨︎ report
When I die...

When I die, I would like my body taken to an ice creamatorium. Then, I would like a traditional sundae service. (credit to David Sedaris)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshTay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Fortune Cookie

Whenever we were at a chinese restaurant, my dad would read his forture cookie, "Help, I'm being held captive in a chinese cookie factory"

This is a proud tradition that i carry on with my children.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanladen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadmas is in full swing.

It's tradition to watch A Christmas Story at least like nine times on Christmas in my family. There's a part where Ralphie stares into the camera and smiles after getting away with lying to his mother. Trying to be funny, I said "What the hell's he lookin at!?"

My sister answers with "The camera! It's like in The Office."

Me: "You know, I could never get into The Office."

Dad: "You should find the key, then."

Merry dadmas!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/probablyacactus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law always told this one...

Father-in-law: See that place over there? (Points to a cemetery)

Wife: Sure.

Father-in-law: People are just dying to get in there.

You'll be happy to know she carries on the proud tradition and says it to our kids ever time we pass a cemetery...every, damm, time.

Edit:Formatting

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imdickie
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the melon have a traditional wedding?

Because it cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/legisleducator
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.