My friend Anne has the habit of hiring & firing people...

I hate to see someone Anne employed.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
My friend has this weird habit where he gnaws at bricks when he visits someone’s home.

Doctors are calling it Munch housin’ syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks?

Bad minton.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/milchhmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of ripping up my artwork if I don't like it.

I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Bought a book about my procrastination habit

I'll read it tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlieb2007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
I have this bad habit

Of not finishing the

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of not finishing things
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a compulsive habit of obliterating album CD's of classic hard rock bands

You could say I've got an appetite for destruction

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinoxal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
nuns are literally creatures of habit
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about old habits...

you can buy them from a boot sale at a convent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to give up my habit of eating clocks

It was just too time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LevelVS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Whenever my friend walks into a room, he has this weird habit of taking the batteries out of all the clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I wonder if nuns ever pick up bad habits
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my Priest if there were any habits that he couldn't break.

He replied that he prays everyday religiously.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GummyMcFatstacks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
This weekend I will absolutely kick my habit of tapping on dead trees

Knock on wood.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandfather has this weird habit of naming all the fish he catches.

Yesterday he scaled Mount Everest.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Bruce Willis will probably keep making action movies, because you know what they say about old habits...
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Archie Bunker was forced to choose between his wife and his drinking habit.

You can’t have your keg and Edith, too

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I kicked a nasty habit today.

Consequently, the nun wearing it filed assault charges against me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend wants me to end my habit of eating glue.

But I’m sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crossover131
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Just downloaded a habit tracker

Where my nuns at ?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shagraxshagrax
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad told me that back in the day, Jesus had a habit of leaving doors open all the time.

It’s like he was born in a barn or something.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a nasty habit.

But then I got it dry cleaned.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend has a habit of dropping things.

It's getting out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife had a bad habit of biting her nails but I cured her.

I hid her teeth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-BB
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Old habits are like overenthusiastic autoerotic asphyxiation fetishists.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drislands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
The local church's Mother Superior has the worst drinking habit I've ever seen,

bar nun.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phiv555
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I survey election habits of Democrats. My friend surveys election habits of Republicans.

We're poller opposites.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife threatened to leave me over my "filthy and disgusting habits".

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My sister has a dangerous shopping habit. She purchased 1000 kitchen utensils just last week.

She's always been one to take unnecessary whisks, though.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Die4Cy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of drinking while reading....

Just the other day, I finished Tequila Mockingbird

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarlot_the_Great
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
🚨︎ report
I don't have any kids. According to my nephew, this disqualifies me from telling dad jokes. But he's always preaching that my diet is too high in carbohydrates, so my eating habits really irritate him and get under his skin.

I guess this makes me his carbuncle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I have a bad habit of crushing things in this machine.

It's my vice.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
This is becoming a habit.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2015
🚨︎ report
If your judge at your trial has a habit of rambling on,

Be prepared for a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
🚨︎ report
*Going to eat at a burger joint called the Habit*

Dad: ever been to the Habit? Me: nah Dad: well if you like it, maybe you can make it a Habit

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imdookie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I kicked a habit once.

She was nun too happy.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hambletonorama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I have a heroin habit and call my lucky syringe "The Lord's Name"...

I take it in vein.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HONKDADDY
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.

I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWmba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
🚨︎ report
My habits are nun of your business!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gayburn_Wright
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My money saving habits don't work

It makes no cents

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Limekilnlake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Asked my friend about his smoking habit.

I asked him if he smokes his cigarettes with applewood or hickory. He laughed but the people around us didn't.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudewiththebling
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Bono is still struggling to kick his smokeless tobacco habit...

He can't live with or without chew.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmmccann
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
We're watching our spending habits lately

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenfootwingspan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend has a bad habit of bashing the food items I buy at the grocery store...

Spent two hours at the grocery store getting a ton of food so she didn't have to make the trip. What do I get in return?

Text from GF: "This bread sticks to my teeth a lot"

My response: "DOUGH!"

GF: "Ha...... Ha...."

me: "I was hoping you'd LOAF that"

GF: "Where's the cheese emoticon?"

me: "WHEAT a second, I'll try & find one"

GF: "I'm rolling my eyes and shaking my head"

me: "No cheese emoticon... CHIBATTA call Apple & tell em to get on that".

me: "Will butter do instead? Cuz I'm on a ROLL"

No further response... will update if saga continues.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2015
🚨︎ report
My friend has a bad habit of calling things gay. For whatever reason France came up, and he said France is Gay.

I asked who Francis was.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManChildMusician
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad on his recent drinking habits..

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
🚨︎ report
I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Nuns are creatures of habit.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostwriter623
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Carrots have a hard time getting rid of bad habits.

It's a deeply rooted issue.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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