Growing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpivLife
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I had nothing to do so I thought of personally mixing the small leaves of a low-growing aromatic plant of the mint family.

But I knew I’d end up with too much Thyme on my hands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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Why does the capital of Ireland keep growing?

Because it keeps Dublin and Dublin in size.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishblackfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
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I’m growing suspicious of my light switch

Something just seems off

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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When I was growing up, I wanted to become a monk.

I never got the chants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Won an award for growing the biggest pickle in the state.

It’s kinda a big dill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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There has been a growing phenomenon on the African plains where male lions have been turning homosexual

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My dad always said I loved alphabet soup growing up.

But really it was just him putting words in my mouth.

πŸ‘︎ 427
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Growing Fruit Trees

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What do you know about growing fruit trees?" he asks the bartender. "Why do you ask?" the bartender replies. "My wife just told me to grow a pear," the guy replies. "I don't know how that's going to help me kill that spider she was complaining about...."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.

Good thymes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idkwutimd0ing
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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The new LEGO store is having it's grand opening today and the crowd is growing.

Folks are lined up for blocks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why were your parents so honest with you growing up?

Beacuse they were trans-parents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FeastorFugu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Growing up, there was a time my parents couldn't pay the electric bill.

It was the darkest day of my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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I was very poor growing up. On my 10th birthday we bought half a cake with 5 candles.

We put it against a mirror.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What do you call money growing on trees?

Inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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A kid asked his dad, "what kind of music did you listen to growing up?" The dad said "I was big into Led Zeppelin." The son asked "who?"

"Yeah" the dad replied, "I liked them too."

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.

Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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r/coronavirus is officially the fastest-growing community on Reddit

It must be viral.

Edit: OMG Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sagbon98
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
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After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Ireland has the worlds fastest growing capital city...

Every year it's Dublin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourself2343
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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The Evil Queen was great at growing poisoned apples.

She was, however, terrible at cultivating evil pluots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatJava
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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A man walks in to a doctors with a strawberry growing on his head.

Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GordinhoSA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.

She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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My friend asked if I knew about growing root vegetables.

I told him I just know of a neighbor who grows them. I haven’t dug deeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keychainoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Two Thirty, heard this pun a thousand times growing up in a house of dentists.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewriella
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing,

but I can’t put my finger on it.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I decided to try growing pot...

So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all. Just water it with Kettle One and wok away without really frying. Hopefully it’ll produce a nice stock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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Over quarantine I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.

I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Did you know you start out with four kidneys, but lose two of them growing up?

They turn into adult knees.

Be easy guys this is my first semi original dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowKroXIII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?

It pre-pears

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Those who were firm in their beliefs when China banned marijuana...the people who kept growing and selling.

They are known as the pot stickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leboy2Point0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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I found mushrooms growing from the bathroom ceiling in my NYC apartment (typical) and called my dad to see what I should do about it.

He immediately said, β€œWell, I wouldn’t eat them.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banananabby
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. The doctor said...

β€œI’ll give you some cream to put on that”.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were fighting once when Draco decided to curse Harry with a Hair Growing Spell that grows hair instantly. Ron passed by and said:

Hello Hairy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonEf_Adam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Students can now enroll in weed-growing classes.

It's a high school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My best friend growing up is a famous author of marine life books now.

He's mostly known for his polyp fiction.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Growing up, my Dad was King of the TP empire.

I guess that makes me Prince Charmin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSaltyDave
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
There has been a growing phenomenon on the African plains where male lions have been turning homosexual

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Caddiss_jc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?

The capital of Ireland.

It’s Dublin every day.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Which country's capital has the fastest-growing population?

Ireland. Every day it's Dublin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/69-nice420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What country capital has the fastest growing population?

Ireland, every day its... Dublin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knowthe_numbers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What country has the fastest growing capital?

Ireland, because it's always Dublin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacobSkrrrrt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Which population has the fastest growing population?

Ireland

It's Dublin every year

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoDev455
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me, β€œWhat was your favourite music to listen to when growing up?” I said, β€œLed Zeppelin”.

My son: Who?

Me: Yes, they were good too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDad, whose music did you listen to when growing up?”

Dad: Led Zeppelin.

Son: Who?

Dad: Yes. They were good too.

πŸ‘︎ 628
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I think there’s something wrong with the cactus I’m growing.

But I can’t put my finger on it!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up

Good thymes

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuqers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that my quarantine beard is really growing on her.

What do you know, it's growing on me too.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WID_Call_IT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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