πŸ‘︎ 269
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrackedP0t
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
🚨︎ report
The internet connection in my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. β€œMy sheep are missing!” He cried. β€œMy sheep are missing! Please help me!”

I said β€œthat sounds like a ewe problem.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clubberin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...

So I decided to go with the Flo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a farm when none of the cows give milk?

An udder disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lin-Duh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
How do u seduce a farm girl?

A tractor

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xzander3112
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Are we eating at the llama farm?

No. Alpaca lunch.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWolfEmperor82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a nut farm

The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_origami
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of horses and male swine that live on a farm nearby?

Your neighbours.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TsundereMan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow farm destroyed in the tornado?

The scene was udder annihilation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nevets52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
My friend and I are starting a weed farm

It's a joint operation

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thats_awkward_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
My friend has a mollusk farm which he says gives him a good workout...

He has big mussels.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My neighbor told me about his grandma's farm

He said he was sad because he used to hate avocados and she used to have many trees. The farm was sold and now they're all gone to make room for condos.

I corrected: avocondos

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoyUnMalaleche
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
My cousin runs a thriving deer farm.

He’s really rolling in the doe.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm

One asks "What's you favorite type of music ?" The other says "I'm a big metal fan"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
My great uncle died making butter on his farm last week.

It was a really unfortunate churn of events.

πŸ‘︎ 588
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trailsend85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Wife and I were driving past a buffalo farm...

Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"

Me: "No... They're made of buff."

She didn't talk to me the whole way home.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DuctTapeNinja99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!

Yep. It's our bison-tennial.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Why did the DJ go to Schrute Farm?

To get some fresh beets.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Plane_Garbage
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
There was a fire in the illegal weed farm which trapped some cows.

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Team_Pineapple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
I was at a farm on a hot day...

The pigs were bacon

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mercolorecords
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
True story. An emu escaped a farm in my area and was running around the suburbs..

Police tried to get it out of that area, but it was rather emuvable...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xJohnnyQuidx
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi

πŸ‘︎ 200
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
My friend gets a real good workout at his giant bivalve mollusc farm...

He has big mussels!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the investment broker that retired to run a celery farm?

It seems he made a killing on the stalk market.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
My friend lost his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘︎ 706
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My brother has me worried. Any time he drives by a milk farm, he pulls over and leaves a few dollars on the fence.

Doesn’t he know cow tipping is illegal?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
The first person to farm with manure must have been seen as crazy

They probably had to explain their bullshit

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HansMLither
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I was walking pasta farm and a sign said "Duck,Eggs"

I thought-"that's an unnecessary comma-then it hit me"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine has just got a job as a director at Macdonalds farm.

He's been made the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 349
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Driving past a farm, I said to the kids, "Those are expert horses..."

"... They're out standing in their field."

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kuzinrob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
How is a piece of farm equipment with headlights similar to the Starship Enterprise?

They both have tractor beams!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Why does a cow-milking farm smell so bad?

Because of the dairy air

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Jake Fromm State Farm
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iLaird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm scared the cops are gonna discover I've been using my cattle farm to illegally grow marijuana

The steaks have never been higher

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/treefellow64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
what type of tables can be found on farms?

vegetables

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bidiboi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
That is farm more puns than I could have thought of
πŸ‘︎ 259
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarrotMan82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
A farmer isn’t just good at his farm

He is out standing in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
I don't trust farms.

The whole business practice seems seedy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Ravers go to the blighted farm?

They heard the farmer had sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimRaith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a job at a farm where I got paid in vegetables.

I got a celery.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the fungi farmer turn down the job offer at a new farm with higher pay?

There wasn't mush-room to grow there.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night, me and the boys snuck onto the farm and went around feeding the cows $5 bills.

I do love me some cow tipping.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toxic_Gorilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dairy farm with mad cow disease?

It was udder chaos

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mozzatits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
It was Orwell and good in the farm until the animals started practising communism.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/it_me_a_boi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my kids to a pumpkin farm today and they had an electric fence around their parking lot.

As I placed my hand on the fence I told my kids "I'd be shocked if this is on!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rumin8tion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost the blueprints to my honey farm

Unfortunately i didnt have a plan bee

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/silent_kill2748
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend likes to stop by my wind farm and take photographs of my windmills...

He likes to shoot the breeze.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was walking past a farm and a sign said: Duck, eggs.

I thought, that's an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the mushroom farm dark

There wasn't mushroom to put lights

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gjtow
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you tell secrets on a farm?

Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/julipul
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new job this week as the senior director of Old McDonald’s farm...

I’m the new CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilobenny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
After one too many jokes about farm animals, my wife couldn't take it anymore. She told me to get out.

I said fine, alpaca bag.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baltinerdist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife and I were driving past a dairy farm, and all she could smell was manure

I guess she prefers a clean dairy air

*edit. This actually happened. She almost tipped the car her eyes rolled so hard.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SalmonGram
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Just got a job as the senior director of the old McDonald farm

I’m the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RadiateHER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
One of the ants on my ant farm dresses up as a clown to cheer up his friends.

He's an anti-depress ant.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emayezing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm.

I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.

πŸ‘︎ 658
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad told me to stop pretending to be a farm animal

He was sick of me horsing around

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I just moved to a new house surrounded by horse farms...

It's a pretty goo neigh-borhood.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Got a job at a turf farm. After the first day. I thought to myself.

β€œThis is sodly satisfying..”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoshForce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
On a farm, cows and horses are neigh-bors
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beefcake61
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Farm fresh puns
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowed-Inn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Passed a farm with a sign that said "selling hay", but there was noone there

They might get more business selling "hello's" or "hi's"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P_mp_n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
At work talking about an accounting firm that does the books for some dairy farms...

I interrupted the conversation and said "you mean the acCOWntants?"

This was over a month ago and I still proudly think about that joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delds04
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
So recently I bought a lot of fuck for my farm because I thought they weren't that expensive

I was very wrong. The duck bill was huge

Edit: sorry for the unintended autocorrect in the title

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Got_A_Hatt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep telling this girl who works on a farm to get over the loss of her favorite cow.

But she couldn't put it pasture.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnimuTrappu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to like you?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever hear about the poorly-performing mushroom farm?

There isn't mushroom for more mushrooms

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/G4ll0wsHum0ur
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
CDC is warning farmers of a new virus rapidly spreading among barn-cats and farm-dogs nationwide

They are calling it β€œWoof and Meowth disease”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-real-Morbo-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
This was a fan at a local farm.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Casey12104cs
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Two guys at the funny farm

Two guys at the funny farm. One guy says, β€œWe can get out of here.”

The other guy says, β€œWe can?”

He says, β€œYes.”

The other guy says, β€œHow?”

The first guy says, β€œI’ve got a big flashlight. Tonight we’ll come out to the wall, I’ll throw the light up against the wall, and you climb up the beam.”

The guy says, β€œYou really think I’m nuts, don’t you? I know what you’d do! I’d get halfway up, you’d shut it off!”

(Editor’s note: Batman fans will recognize this as the final joke in The Killing Joke).

http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/two-guys-at-the-funny-farm/

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who farms chickens

An eggriculturalist

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me...

"Careful now!" I said. "Them's fightin' birds."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm

One asks, β€œWhat’s your favourite kind of music?” The other says, β€œI’m a big metal fan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_toast123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Mt. Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitch_watson
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to stay on a farm and had to decapitate a chicken for dinner...

It was murder most fowl!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What are the two dirtiest animals in a farm?

Brown chicken brown cow

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I own a rabbit farm, but I want to get rid of them. The thing is, I don’t know how to do it, so I was thinking I should call someone to help me with that. Then I thought to myself:

A magician should do the trick.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heisy123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Told my wife we ought to buy a house next to a horse farm.

I've always thought having good neighbors was important.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magnalbatross
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s a rumor that a farm near our school sprayed their fields with chicken guts
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChessGreatest
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who is in charge of running all operations for a farm?

The CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctors, apples and beet farms, don’t forget about Dre
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pikapiiiii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend got fired from his job at the dairy farm because of his erratic behaviour.

He was a danger to himself and udders.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to like you?

A tractor

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pennywise32
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to like you?

A tractor.

πŸ‘︎ 157
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leve1e1even
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to like you?

A tractor

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baboon_Warlord
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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