My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2021
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what did the farmer say to the cow at night ?

its pasture bed time

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NerdyAsian12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2021
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What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?

This is the last straw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 644
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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How was the sheep dog able to retrieve 40 sheeps when the farmer only had 38?

He rounded them up

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Snowjoggs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2021
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(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?

He wanted to grow a power plant

πŸ‘οΈŽ 248
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2021
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I once fell in love with a melon farmer’s daughter. But when I asked if she wanted to run away and get married in secret, she turned me down.

She told me she cantaloupe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dontcryformegiratina
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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Did you hear what happened to the dairy farmer?

He got dairy sick, but then he became butter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Broisback32
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
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A hemp farmer noticed his cows were out in his hemp field.

He wrangled them all back into the pasture. Later he found them all back in his hemp field. It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 141
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2021
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Why did the farmer choose not to shoot a couple of fawns?

To him, they were just too dear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Deesel3315
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2021
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What did Tyson do when he saw the poultry farmers daughter?

He chickened out

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/th3_warth0g
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2021
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How do you get a farmer's daughter?

You a tractor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 52
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/macuser06
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2021
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As one of the biggest fruit farmers in the country, I owe all of my success to my dear dad. I grew up as a kid who was scared of everything, and my dad always told me to

grow a pear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Swaan_Man
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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What did one Dorito farmer say to the other?

Cool ranch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OakNLeaf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2021
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A farmer’s son asked why people have celiac disease

The farmer replied β€œbecause these people hate my grains”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/x97tfv345
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
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I want to congratulate all farmers....

They are outstanding in their fields.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Microsofte
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2021
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A farmer friend of mine recently made a great sci-fi film

It's called Robo-crop starring Wil Wheaton.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2021
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/___statik
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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How do Farmers greet their cows?

Hay

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/geckheck
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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The farmer had a prized bull. It bred 300 times per year.

The farmer's wife said "300 times, isn't that wonderful, dear? Maybe you should watch him. Maybe he'll show you how..." The farmer replied "Yeah, he's a hell of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/prumbeljack
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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Why wasn’t the honey farmer a straight A student?

He brought home nothing but bees.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m_j_rupp
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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Farmers are leaving Facebook in droves. Every time they put down a post

Somebody take a fence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2021
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Have you heard the joke about the maize farmer?

Ah, nevermind, it's pretty corny

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/geldenstrasse
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2021
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Why did the farmer get in trouble with his wife?

He visited a seedy establishment.

(by my wife who hates me telling dad jokes but loves to tell any she invents)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dachiz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2021
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Why didn’t the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?

It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lawdawg_75
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2021
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How does a farmer reduce the number of cows?

He switches to decafe!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2021
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Why did the farmer request a divorce?

He didn’t trust his hoe

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dabaroonskii
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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Did you hear about the farmer that won an award

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bear3126
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
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What did the DJ say to the farmer?

Lettuce turnip our beets!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Breachx4002
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2021
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Why are farmers popular at parties?

Because they’re always dropping the beets

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mikethejoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2021
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What did the farmer’s wife say to him after he hotboxed the stable?

Get off your high horse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.

β€œSorry, mister,” he said. β€œI’m up to my ears in work.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2021
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How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Just_Bee_Pawsitive
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18 2021
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It was a bad idea to ask the chicken farmer to referee basketball games

He kept calling fowls

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 30 2021
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I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.

I should have bought asparagus.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Durty_Rick_Sanchez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 24 2021
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Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?

Because he was simply outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2021
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A farmer attempted to tow a load of manure down the interstate at 5 pm. Of course, it caused a crash and traffic jam...

I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2021
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Why did the farmer buy a cow and a duck? πŸ‘¨β€πŸŒΎπŸ„πŸ¦†

He wanted milk and quackers!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B3A5TxM0DE
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2021
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Swiper went swiping at a farm and mistakenly stole the farmer’s daughter.

He thought she was a Dora bull.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2021
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What did the farmer say about his successful scarecrow?

He’s outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JPSwans
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 28 2021
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How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?

Attract her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 219
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/digiBeLow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
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My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.

I suggested Jerky.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tomthelibraryguy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2021
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yer-Da
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2021
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
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What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?

Cool Ranch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 239
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/strangerthingskids
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2021
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How did the farmer get his wife?

He a tractor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/benjo-drums
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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