My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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what did the farmer say to the cow at night ?

its pasture bed time

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdyAsian12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?

This is the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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How was the sheep dog able to retrieve 40 sheeps when the farmer only had 38?

He rounded them up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowjoggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?

He wanted to grow a power plant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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I once fell in love with a melon farmer’s daughter. But when I asked if she wanted to run away and get married in secret, she turned me down.

She told me she cantaloupe.

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πŸ“…︎ May 22
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Did you hear what happened to the dairy farmer?

He got dairy sick, but then he became butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broisback32
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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A hemp farmer noticed his cows were out in his hemp field.

He wrangled them all back into the pasture. Later he found them all back in his hemp field. It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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Why did the farmer choose not to shoot a couple of fawns?

To him, they were just too dear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deesel3315
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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What did Tyson do when he saw the poultry farmers daughter?

He chickened out

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/th3_warth0g
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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How do you get a farmer's daughter?

You a tractor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macuser06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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Did you hear about the farmer that just got sentenced for killing his neighbors cow?

After a quick investigation, the Prosecutor was able to turn it into a brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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As one of the biggest fruit farmers in the country, I owe all of my success to my dear dad. I grew up as a kid who was scared of everything, and my dad always told me to

grow a pear

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Swaan_Man
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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What did one Dorito farmer say to the other?

Cool ranch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OakNLeaf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
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A farmer’s son asked why people have celiac disease

The farmer replied β€œbecause these people hate my grains”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/x97tfv345
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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I want to congratulate all farmers....

They are outstanding in their fields.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Microsofte
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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A farmer friend of mine recently made a great sci-fi film

It's called Robo-crop starring Wil Wheaton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/___statik
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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How do Farmers greet their cows?

Hay

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geckheck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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The farmer had a prized bull. It bred 300 times per year.

The farmer's wife said "300 times, isn't that wonderful, dear? Maybe you should watch him. Maybe he'll show you how..." The farmer replied "Yeah, he's a hell of a bull, but it wasn't all with the same cow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/prumbeljack
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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Why wasn’t the honey farmer a straight A student?

He brought home nothing but bees.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_j_rupp
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Farmers are leaving Facebook in droves. Every time they put down a post

Somebody take a fence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Broke_Gam3r
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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Have you heard the joke about the maize farmer?

Ah, nevermind, it's pretty corny

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geldenstrasse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
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Why did the farmer get in trouble with his wife?

He visited a seedy establishment.

(by my wife who hates me telling dad jokes but loves to tell any she invents)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dachiz
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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Why didn’t the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?

It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawdawg_75
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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How does a farmer reduce the number of cows?

He switches to decafe!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Why did the farmer request a divorce?

He didn’t trust his hoe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabaroonskii
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Did you hear about the farmer that won an award

He was outstanding in his field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear3126
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
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What did the DJ say to the farmer?

Lettuce turnip our beets!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Breachx4002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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Why are farmers popular at parties?

Because they’re always dropping the beets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethejoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
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What did the farmer’s wife say to him after he hotboxed the stable?

Get off your high horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jillyjoyohoho
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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One time on a road trip we drove through Iowa and stopped at a farm around harvest time. I tried to speak to the farmer about buying some fresh corn 🌽 but he had no time for me.

β€œSorry, mister,” he said. β€œI’m up to my ears in work.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fladavpam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets!

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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It was a bad idea to ask the chicken farmer to referee basketball games

He kept calling fowls

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.

I should have bought asparagus.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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Why was the farmer given an award for acting as a living scarecrow?

Because he was simply outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pistolwinky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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A farmer attempted to tow a load of manure down the interstate at 5 pm. Of course, it caused a crash and traffic jam...

I can't believe he tried to pull this shit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
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Why did the farmer buy a cow and a duck? πŸ‘¨β€πŸŒΎπŸ„πŸ¦†

He wanted milk and quackers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B3A5TxM0DE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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Swiper went swiping at a farm and mistakenly stole the farmer’s daughter.

He thought she was a Dora bull.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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What did the farmer say about his successful scarecrow?

He’s outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPSwans
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?

Attract her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/digiBeLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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My neighbor is a farmer and asked for name suggestions for her new born calf that start with the letter J.

I suggested Jerky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tomthelibraryguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yer-Da
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
How did the farmer find his wife?

He tractor down

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?

Cool Ranch.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
How did the farmer get his wife?

He a tractor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benjo-drums
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report

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