Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?
The stakes were too high.
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?
The steaks had never been higher.
How do you count cattle?
One at a time with a cow-culator
Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?
I'm scared the cops are gonna discover I've been using my cattle farm to illegally grow marijuana
The steaks have never been higher
I never gamble against cattle farmers
They're too good at raising steaks
I heard that Cattle Necromancy is a really competitive field.
Your rivals are always raising the steaks.
Why shouldn't you gamble with a cattle farmer?
They are always raising the steaks!
Did you hear the news? Some outlaws were running from the police, ducked into Farmer Johnson's barn and stashed their dynamite in his grain. One of his cattle got into the grain and ate the dynamite. They were afraid the poor fella was going to blow up.
I think that's abominable.
Why don't casinos let cattle farmers play?
They are always raising the steaks.
Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.
"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."
What do you call cattle masturbating?
What do you call cattle with an arrow through it’s face?
A cattle farmer has had to pull out of the local marathon.
It was due to a calf injury.
Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?
I hear its a real corgishborg.
For the first time ever, the Wisconsin State Fair has a competition where cattle draw maps.
It's the first annual Cowtography competition.
What type of dairy cattle do they get milk for Swiss cheese?
So this farmer built a 5 story barn for his cattle.
He's really raising the steaks.
Why is it risky to buy ribeye and sirloin directly from a cattle rancher?
Because he raises the steaks.
What does the Cattle Rancher say when he plays Poker and goes All In?
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.
All he had to do was round them up.
I watched a video showing the highlights of cattle doing ballet, two things I love.
It was the best of bull twirls.
Why did the butcher quit his job and become a cattle rancher?
He wanted to raise the steaks.
What do you call scared cattle?
Why do cowboys lose so much weight when they go on cattle drives?
Because they watch what they eat.
I had hired a man to watch my cattle, but it turned out he was afraid of them.
At work we were talking about how buff Belgian Blue cattle are so big, and my friend says, "Holstien cattle are pretty big too." My other friend asks "How big are they?"
Without missing a beat I say, "About twice as big as an Halfstein." Que groans and awkward laughs and my first friend says, "You've been hanging out with your dad to much."
Why don't cattle need to repeat themselves to Cowboys?
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!
He went from coward to cow ward.
I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle
but when I rounded them up there was 100.
It's exciting to play poker with cattle farmers...
...because they are always raising the steaks.
The terms "cattle," "beef," and "udder" are always afraid of everything - because they're just a bunch of cow words. reddit.com/r/oneliners/co…
What do you call a tornado that hits a cattle feed lot?
A rancher rounded up his 98 cattle.
When he was done he had 100.
What do Mexican cattle say when their farmers feed them?
Growing marijuana and raising cattle simultaneously is pretty risky but can be very profitable
It’s a high steaks business model
Why is it dangerous to gamble with a cattle rancher?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
Someone put marijuana in the cattle feed.
The steaks have never been higher.
True story: My friend's dad raises cattle. Last week, he totally flipped out when one of the females had a miscarriage, killing both the mother and the daughter.
He had a cow over his cow not having a cow.
I have an Australian cattle dog I named after a country music diva.
Alexander Fleming had to sell his cattle for fear that they may revolt
Because that pen is illin'
Why will ranchers never feed their cattle marijuana?
It makes the steaks too high.
What do you call really small cattle?
I was gonna tell you a joke about cattle but
You probably herd it already.
A man was arrested after being caught going around a bunch of farms and spanking the cattle.
He was a cow-rear criminal.
Did you hear of the debate following a recent study which found mixing marijuana into cattle feed can reduce their carbon footprint?
... The steaks have never been higher
How were the cattle introduced at the slaughter house?
They had a meat and greet.
I'd been thinking about buying a couple of cattle to put in my fathers farm. I asked my wife if she'd be on with receiving a cow for our wedding anniversary.
She said she would be moooov'd.
I just got dad joked by my wife. :)