Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?

The stakes were too high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?

The steaks had never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Testacleez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
How do you count cattle?

One at a time with a cow-culator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?

It's the rustle crow.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
I'm scared the cops are gonna discover I've been using my cattle farm to illegally grow marijuana

The steaks have never been higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treefellow64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I never gamble against cattle farmers

They're too good at raising steaks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
I heard that Cattle Necromancy is a really competitive field.

Your rivals are always raising the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mduffor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you gamble with a cattle farmer?

They are always raising the steaks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arcadianchef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news? Some outlaws were running from the police, ducked into Farmer Johnson's barn and stashed their dynamite in his grain. One of his cattle got into the grain and ate the dynamite. They were afraid the poor fella was going to blow up.

I think that's abominable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't casinos let cattle farmers play?

They are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.

"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krumm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call cattle masturbating?

Beef Stroganoff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call cattle with an arrow through it’s face?

A bulls-eye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lizzard_troll31
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A cattle farmer has had to pull out of the local marathon.

It was due to a calf injury.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?

I hear its a real corgishborg.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
For the first time ever, the Wisconsin State Fair has a competition where cattle draw maps.

It's the first annual Cowtography competition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TBoneMKE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of dairy cattle do they get milk for Swiss cheese?

Holy cow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
So this farmer built a 5 story barn for his cattle.

He's really raising the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it risky to buy ribeye and sirloin directly from a cattle rancher?

Because he raises the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanek2525
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the Cattle Rancher say when he plays Poker and goes All In?

I'm raising the steaks!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Hearding cattle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kluferfmernder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.

All he had to do was round them up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenclaw_VIII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I watched a video showing the highlights of cattle doing ballet, two things I love.

It was the best of bull twirls.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the butcher quit his job and become a cattle rancher?

He wanted to raise the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovebikes65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call scared cattle?

Cowards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dolmunk
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do cowboys lose so much weight when they go on cattle drives?

Because they watch what they eat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebreaker90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I had hired a man to watch my cattle, but it turned out he was afraid of them.

He's a real cow ward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahzek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
At work we were talking about how buff Belgian Blue cattle are so big, and my friend says, "Holstien cattle are pretty big too." My other friend asks "How big are they?"

Without missing a beat I say, "About twice as big as an Halfstein." Que groans and awkward laughs and my first friend says, "You've been hanging out with your dad to much."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wene324
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't cattle need to repeat themselves to Cowboys?

They herd them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!

He went from coward to cow ward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle

but when I rounded them up there was 100.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BecauseItAmusesMe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
It's exciting to play poker with cattle farmers...

...because they are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
The terms "cattle," "beef," and "udder" are always afraid of everything - because they're just a bunch of cow words. reddit.com/r/oneliners/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tornado that hits a cattle feed lot?

A shit storm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannyDantyla
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A rancher rounded up his 98 cattle.

When he was done he had 100.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasonrj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do Mexican cattle say when their farmers feed them?

Moo Chews Grass, Yas!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedantoid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Growing marijuana and raising cattle simultaneously is pretty risky but can be very profitable

It’s a high steaks business model

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it dangerous to gamble with a cattle rancher?

Because they're always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidevis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Someone put marijuana in the cattle feed.

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwords16
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
🚨︎ report
True story: My friend's dad raises cattle. Last week, he totally flipped out when one of the females had a miscarriage, killing both the mother and the daughter.

He had a cow over his cow not having a cow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdronScyther
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
🚨︎ report
I have an Australian cattle dog I named after a country music diva.

She’s my Faith Heeler.

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
How do cattle talk?

They CowMoonicate

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Alexander Fleming had to sell his cattle for fear that they may revolt

Because that pen is illin'

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Why will ranchers never feed their cattle marijuana?

It makes the steaks too high.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call really small cattle?

A Higgs-Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/happyjustbecause
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell you a joke about cattle but

You probably herd it already.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lil_Ninja94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
🚨︎ report
A man was arrested after being caught going around a bunch of farms and spanking the cattle.

He was a cow-rear criminal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHorseHead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear of the debate following a recent study which found mixing marijuana into cattle feed can reduce their carbon footprint?

... The steaks have never been higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrotumbrella
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
How were the cattle introduced at the slaughter house?

They had a meat and greet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neutral_cadence
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2016
🚨︎ report
I'd been thinking about buying a couple of cattle to put in my fathers farm. I asked my wife if she'd be on with receiving a cow for our wedding anniversary.

She said she would be moooov'd.

I just got dad joked by my wife. :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blakestar85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report

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