I invested every cent I have in a cannabis-fed cattle business.
The steaks have never been higher.
What kind of cattle is always sleepy?
What do you call a guy that herds reindeer instead of cattle?
What puts cattle to sleep?
A friend of mine is starting a new business... he thinks there's going to be a huge demand for cannabis-fed cattle.
I thought about investing, but the steaks are too high.
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?
The stakes were too high.
How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?
How do you count cattle?
One at a time with a cow-culator
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?
The steaks had never been higher.
I'm scared the cops are gonna discover I've been using my cattle farm to illegally grow marijuana
The steaks have never been higher
Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?
I never gamble against cattle farmers
They're too good at raising steaks
I heard that Cattle Necromancy is a really competitive field.
Your rivals are always raising the steaks.
Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.
"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."
Why don't casinos let cattle farmers play?
They are always raising the steaks.
What do you call cattle masturbating?
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.
All he had to do was round them up.
A cattle farmer has had to pull out of the local marathon.
It was due to a calf injury.
What do you call cattle with an arrow through it’s face?
Why is it risky to buy ribeye and sirloin directly from a cattle rancher?
Because he raises the steaks.
Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?
I hear its a real corgishborg.
So this farmer built a 5 story barn for his cattle.
He's really raising the steaks.
Why did the butcher quit his job and become a cattle rancher?
He wanted to raise the steaks.
What type of dairy cattle do they get milk for Swiss cheese?
Where is a cattle herder's favorite place to cook dinner after a long day?
For the first time ever, the Wisconsin State Fair has a competition where cattle draw maps.
It's the first annual Cowtography competition.
What does the Cattle Rancher say when he plays Poker and goes All In?
I watched a video showing the highlights of cattle doing ballet, two things I love.
It was the best of bull twirls.
What do you call scared cattle?
Why don't cattle need to repeat themselves to Cowboys?
I had hired a man to watch my cattle, but it turned out he was afraid of them.
Why do cowboys lose so much weight when they go on cattle drives?
Because they watch what they eat.
At work we were talking about how buff Belgian Blue cattle are so big, and my friend says, "Holstien cattle are pretty big too." My other friend asks "How big are they?"
Without missing a beat I say, "About twice as big as an Halfstein." Que groans and awkward laughs and my first friend says, "You've been hanging out with your dad to much."
I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle
but when I rounded them up there was 100.
The terms "cattle," "beef," and "udder" are always afraid of everything - because they're just a bunch of cow words. reddit.com/r/oneliners/co…
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!
He went from coward to cow ward.
What do Mexican cattle say when their farmers feed them?
Why shouldn't you gamble with a cattle farmer?
They are always raising the steaks!
Why is it dangerous to gamble with a cattle rancher?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
It's exciting to play poker with cattle farmers...
...because they are always raising the steaks.