What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime Rib!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a good beef wellington and an asteroid?

One is meaty and the other is a little meteor!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J0hn-c3na
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Big Beef Energy
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arutyh
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I have no beef with Hindus.

In the same way I have no pork with Jews or Muslims.

I'll get my goat.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I hope no one has a beef with this.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Mom moves expensive cuts of beef into the top shelf.

Dad: The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a group of giraffes have a beef kebob cook off?

A high steaks poker tournament

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathMyMetal
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I invested all of my money in cannabis infused beef. I know . . it’s a risky decision.

The steaks are high

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef

The steaks had never been higher

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
How do you know when the beef is smoking?

When the steaks are high!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RSGaming0416
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Dried grapes are the riskiest beef marinade.

But every once in a while you should be raisin the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ghostedito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Security professionals advise to never use β€˜beef stew’ as a password

It isn’t stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 417
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call frozen ground beef?

Ham-brrrrr-ger

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SeabaSquad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
I stocked up on beef, pork and chicken for the Covid-19 crisis .

And for easy storage, they're all within the same hot dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
Why did the beef brisket catch lung cancer?

It smoked for 6 hours.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
You can roast beef,

But nobody can peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Today I messed up and bought an entire cupboard of beef stock.

But hey, at least I’m now a boullionnaire

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redback3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can learn to roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 577
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
If you're messing with Kobe Bryant.... Does that mean you've got some "kobe beef"

No offence to any fans...or followers.....it's in his tribute... I just wish someone else was on that chopper... Sorry if it offended you guys

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__black_star__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
"Ground Beef"
πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuddySkull
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I always have the best BBQs. I cook plenty of beef, pork and chicken...

And for your convenience, it's all within the same hotdog!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
TIFU by ordering a Roast Beef instead of a Chicken Teriyaki sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Allgen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the meager bratwurst say to the superior side of roast beef?

What am I - chopped liver??

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Vegetarian beef
πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/damndomino
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

For meatier showers

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Automated-Waffles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My main beef...

...with pork is that it sometimes tastes like chicken, and that seems fishy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
When I used beef stew as my password, my account wouldn’t let me.

Apparently it’s not stronganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I once had a traumatic incident with mince beef and a corn tortilla

To this day, I still can't taco 'bout it

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LurkyTheHatMan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...

When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wormri
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the female cow never used as beef?

That would be a Miss STEAK!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was playing a poker game and gambled with marijuana-infused beef

it was high steaks but i think it was worth it

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unioter1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
I tried changing my password to "beef_stew"

But it wasn't acceptable. It wasn't stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tekrat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
if you bury a cow, does that make them ground beef?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coffinedude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm opening up a casino that only pays out in beef

It's called Risk it for Brisket

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/highdefbears
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
why can’t you use beef stew as a password

it’s not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oodopi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Beef a bad password

It’s not stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RetireRateRat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks β€œHey, what’s with the beef?”

Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,

β€œNah. The steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tkl15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Ground beef
πŸ‘︎ 189
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRobotics5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...

...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ziograffiato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans get in a fight, is it still considered a beef?

Or a beet down?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAverageAlpha
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wonka88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should scrawny people eat more beef and drink more milk?

They need more cowlories

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Guess she had a beef with him
πŸ‘︎ 701
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Graavy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can’t use β€œbeef stew” as a password.

It’s not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khanglikestowin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried glueing a hundred beef rib-eyes to every window of your house?

It’s pane steaking

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Is it still called beef when vegans fight

It depends on what's at steak

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maddvloggs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I've started diversifying my portfolio by investing in different stocks. Primarily beef, chicken, and vegetables...

I hope some day to be a bouillonaire

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend had a beef, I told him this pun, now he doesn't.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Surveys say 9 out of 10 people have never tried beef tartare.

Apparently it’s very rare.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Ground beef
πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/woopstrafel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Question: Is an argument between two vegans still a beef?

*copied and pasted directly from a text from my dad

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Rebel_Gal_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been investing heavily in chicken, beef, and vegetable stocks

I hope to become a bouillionaire one day

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't us "BEEF_STEW" as your password...

...it's not Stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmisson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Gordon Ramsay about the corned beef?

ITS SO CHEWY IT COULD FLY THE MILLENIUM FUCKING FALCON

Edit: Ramsay say bleh.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ciaeric2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Ground beef
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IcyFrogg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
if 2 vegans get in a argument is it still "beef"? πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/damononreddit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I just wanted fresh beef from the mountains.

But the steaks were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tadbitcrazy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

πŸ‘︎ 524
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the wedding song written while eating a cheesy beef burrito?

It’s called Taco Bell’s canon.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A cow with no legs it's ground beef...
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLe99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
If a cow with two legs is lean beef and a cow with no legs is ground beef, what do you call a cow playing with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I know I've seen beef stroganoff... But I think this one is original

What do you call a masturbating pig?

Pulled pork.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChodeGoatstank
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef...

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If 2 vegans are fighting with each other, is it still called beef?
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laurenthedesigner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef but no one can pea soup

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yaboiprettyrich
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
After trying to change my password to "noodle" my computer had a beef with me.

Apparently my password wasn't stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PiLord314
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeewild
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Does anyone for how long ground beef has to be on the floor before it’s ready?
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
"Vote for me, and we won't have BEEF. I hope to MEAT all of your expectations, but if we don't accomplish everything, don't have a COW."
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fools_Requiem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't use Beef Stew as a password

It's not stroganoff

(Heard from an actual dad)

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/connermcg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I've begun to heavily invest in stocks: beef, chicken and vegetable.

One day, I hope to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
An argument between two vegans is not called a beef...

Just two people with bad tempehs.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegetarians are fighting is it still called having beef?
πŸ‘︎ 307
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/me_he_te
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cold beef patty?

A brrger!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Treemaster099
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everybody can roast a beef ;)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SportsBrus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I had beef with a guy and I stabbed him with a cow leg.

They say I shank him.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?

Sloppy JosΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordo32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use "beef stew" as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zozi0102
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If two vegans are having an argument, is it still considered beef?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't use"beef stew" as your password.

Because it's not Stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zerogivin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you use β€œBeef stew” as a password?

Because it's not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
apparently you can’t use β€œbeef stew” as a password

it’s not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coopershadowbebo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you use beef stew as a password?

It’s not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/22eldridgef
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Apparently you can’t use β€œbeef stew” as a password.

It’s not stroganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hana-Chi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you use beef stew as a password?

It’s not Stroganoff!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PugloverFelix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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